Say Stress to the Dress

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I am a grown-ass woman. I have degrees. I’ve won awards. I can go on national television. I can do home repair. I’m generally pretty confident in myself and my appearance. So why is it that some 22-year-old working in a formal shop can make me feel about as insecure as a teenager in front of her first crush?

Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself.

The wedding is slated for October. It will be a very simple affair – a private outdoor ceremony in the Smoky Mountains followed by a dinner celebration at our favorite restaurant back in Atlanta. No pomp. No circumstance. No stress.

Well, other than the dress.

I’m not really particular about the “look” of the wedding, but it is important to Brock. Even though I still have several months, I wanted to try to find a dress today. Partly because I had a day off work but mostly to leave myself plenty of time in case it became more difficult than expected. I asked a friend to accompany me and to act as a guard against those scary 22-year-old dress sellers.

photo-208
Not the shoes I’m wearing but they’re good for a laugh:)

For my first wedding, I ventured into a Dillard’s alone and found a prom dress for $98. It had a satin bodice with some contoured seams and a long chiffon skirt. It was simple, elegant and cheap. It was perfect.

I wanted something similar again. It’s difficult with second weddings. I chose a ring, a dress and a wedding location the first time around that fit me. I don’t want to repeat that but those same aesthetics still appeal. My idea was to go to the mall and scour the racks of formal (non-wedding) dresses and hope for a similar find.

My friend suggested that a stand alone store that specialized in wedding attire first. She had been in there previously and remembered that they had some budget-friendly items.

I felt like I was walking in to some five-star hotel designed by Disney. There were glitter and rhinestones everywhere. The place was full of employees, dressed head to toe in black, scurrying around to attend to their charges. There were brides everywhere, most accompanied by their moms, choosing dresses and accessories. Everything was over the top and designed to make women feel like princesses. Along with the princess price tag. After talking with the consultant (I’m assuming that’s the proper term), we learned that their dresses started at $2,000.

Started. At. $2,000.

Who buys these things? After saying our “thank you’s,” we promptly left and got into my car (current value – not much more than $2,000).

After touring a few department stores at the mall, we knew we were on the right track. Our last stop? Dillard’s. And they came through again. Even in that more relaxed environment, I was still tense. Sometimes, I don’t understand myself. I’m completely fine trying on bikinis. No sweat. A formal dress? Yeah, that brings out all of the body insecurities. I feel silly in super feminine things with my athletic build and casual nature. It can be frustrating to have arms and shoulders that burst seams and to have trouble fitting my lats into a dress. Would it be out of place to get married in a bathing suit in the mountains in October? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

To complicate matters, I’m weird about spending money. Especially on myself. I feel guilty. Somehow I don’t feel like I’m worthy of spending money on. It’s frugality mixed with a dash of neurosis. I wish I could find a way to keep my thrifty ways but nix the guilt.

I only ended up trying on one dress. It’s formal but not bridal, which apparently is good for a 90% discount, as it was only $200. It’s simple and elegant and relatively cheap. But it’s different than before. It fits my frame, showing off my muscle in a flattering way and the sleeveless style gives my shoulders endless room to move. I can borrow jewelry from my friend and I should be able to find shoes once the weather warms up. Mission accomplished.

So now the dress is hanging in the closet waiting for its fall debut and my blood pressure is slowly returning to normal. I should be okay now as long as those 22-year-old dress consultants stay away:)

What’s the Cost of Happiness?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I received an Athleta catalog in the mail a few days ago. After barely making through a day at school while sick, I drew myself a warm bath and made a mug of hot tea as soon as I walked into the house. I settled into the soothing tub and began to flip through the catalog of quality active wear. Without even realizing it, I began to dogear corners and picture myself in many of the new fall fashions. I escaped into the fantasy provided by the catalog, seeing myself smiling and relaxed like the women in the photos rather than tired and wheezy and pale like I was in reality.

Luckily, I am not an impulse buyer. A quick tally of the total was enough for me to set the catalog aside.

But still, I felt a longing. A need that wasn’t there hours before. I checked my email before heading to bed and I found messages from my two favorite clothing stores at a nearby outlet mall. Each store was running a 50% off everything sale and included an additional 20% off coupon in the email. I weighed my options. I haven’t bought much in the way of clothing lately. I have enough clothes for work but some are starting to show signs of wear and others have never fit right again since the divorce. I would like to freshen up the wardrobe. But, if I’m honest with myself, it isn’t really needed.

I closed the emails.

I could take $200 or so and buy a few key pieces from Athleta that would probably become my go-to items for several years. Or, I could take that same money and walk away with several bulging bags from the outlet mall that would update my work wardrobe for many years. But would either of those purchases bring me any happiness?

Temporarily, sure.

I would enjoy the hunt for a bargain at the mall or the perusal of the perfect pictures in the catalog. I would revel in the look and feel of new fabric that is sized to fit my post-divorce frame. But soon, they would simply become heaps of cotton and spandex in the hamper. Something else to fold or hang. Another item who fails to impress after an all-to-brief honeymoon period.

I’ve learned that when I feel that longing for something new it is because I feel some void in my life at the moment. Right now, that void is because I cannot be as active as I wish while my lungs are healing. I feel stuck and frustrated. Some part of me seems to think that covering my body with new clothing will make it feel better inside. I know that is a fallacy. But, damn, it sure is a persistent one.

Instead of spending that money on clothing that would bring a temporary smile, I would rather spend it on a plane ticket to visit freinds or family. Or a couple of nights in a cabin in the mountains with loved ones. If I spend the money on an experience, I may not be left with anything more tangible than pictures, but the joy in the memories will last far beyond the trip itself.

I know for sure what I do not want. I don’t want to lose the money in dribs and drabs, small mindless purchases that barely cause a ripple in my consciousness. It’s all too easy for money to flow out without us demanding anything in return.

I still feel the pull of the stores even though I know they won’t make my coughing go away or bring back my strength. While I wait to heal, I will instead spend time dreaming of upcoming trips. Even if I have to wear pants that don’t quite fit:)

Happiness isn’t found in money, but how we choose to allocate it can pay out large dividends if we make mindful choices.

When do you feel a pull to spend money? Do you give in or fight the urge? How do you choose to spend money to maximize your happiness return?

Gear Check

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I had some shopping to do yesterday.  I had credits and coupons for Sports Authority and REI and I intended to put them to good use in preparation of upcoming adventures.

The sporting goods store was the first on my list.  I have signed up for my first marathon in November and I had two items in mind to help me prepare.  First, I needed a new pair of shoes.  I have been loyal to Mizuno Waveriders since I first started running almost 5 years ago (yiks!  has it really been so long?).  I usually stock up on the retiring model through online retailers as they are clearing inventory to make room for the newest model.  I have never had trouble with this strategy until now.  Apparently, they redesigned the toebox (or my toes have grown?) because the shoes now cause my toes and forefeet to go numb on long runs regardless of the lacing.  Obviously, that is a serious liability in a pair of shoes that will have have to make it 26.2 miles (which BTW is about 4 times the distance of the height of an average airliner).  Now, I know I have waxed poetically about my Vibrams, but they are just a too minimal for that much use.  I found a happy medium between the two: Saucony Kinvara.  It was love at first step.  I’ve done about 10 miles in them already and I love the combination of squish and weightless flexibility.  Can you tell which shoes are the new ones?

evolution of the shoe

I also needed to pick up a new running shirt.  I have a thin compression heatware Underarmor shirt that has seen me though all of my warm weather races.  I love that shirt; it has served me well.  Its light grey fabric is stained from the Georgia red clay that coats me in adventure races (I call that orange sheen my “red badge of courage”) and has holes all along the front from the pins that affix my race numbers.  Brightroom Photography can probably recognize me by that shirt alone.  The shirt has one shortcoming for this race; however, it is too short and rides above my water belt.  This is also the case with all my other warm weather shirts.  As a result, when I need to carry water in the summer, I tend to end up with a permanent abrasion around my hips from the rubbing of the belt.  Not really the best look for bikini season.  So, I picked up an ultralight tank that is long enough to stay under the belt.  Now if I could just figure out a way to carry water that doesn’t make me feel like I’m waddling with saline implants on my hips…

 

After an afternoon run (come on now, you didn’t think I would be patient to check out the new gear, did you?), I proceeded on to REI to see what I could find for my Italy trip.  Yeah, that’s right.  The trip scheduled for summer 2013.  What? Too soon?  I told you I was a planner.  Besides, my mom was starting to get a head start on acquiring needed items for the trip and I can’t let that happen now, can I?  I do have a semi-reasonable justification if it will make you feel better:  I can test the items in the heat of this summer to make sure that they are worthy of a transcontinental journey.  There, better now?

So, I decided to get this perfect travel skirt.  It’s long enough to meet Italy’s modesty requirements (especially needed with all of the museums and cathedrals I know we will be visiting), yet is made of high tech fabric that will dry quickly.

I also fell in love with a pair of Jambu shoes that seemed perfect for navigating the uneven walkways of Italy, but couldn’t stomach the $100 price tag.  Which leads to the final leg of the shopping trip…

When I got back home, I logged on to Sierra Trading Post and promptly located the same shoes for $40 after a variety of discounts.  I also tossed in a pair of shorts, another skirt, and two tops. All this begs the question:

Is it too early to pack?

 

 

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10 Things My Vibrams Taught Me About Relationships

Posted on by stilllearning2b

My minimalist barefoot-style  running shoes have taught me about running and, in turn, about relationships.  Here is what I have learned:

1)  It’s Better to Feel What is Around You

In regular running shoes, the thick outer sole prevents any contact between your foot and the ground; you are barely even aware of the different environments underfoot.  In Vibrams, the thick sole allows you to discern the difference between soil and sand, asphalt and rock.  It makes for a more  fulfilling run, as you connect with the earth underfoot.  Likewise, allowing yourself to feel in a relationship makes the experience richer and more vibrant.  Be aware of what is around you, tune in to yourself and your partner, expose the soul.

2) Shields Are an Illusion

I used to wear the shoes made to run trails that had a rigid sole and came up higher on the ankle.  I reasoned that these shoes would help to protect me from the dangers that lie along the trail in the form of roots, rocks, and other objects lying in wait ti twist an ankle or stub a toe.  These shoes never prevented any injuries, they simply looked impressive on the outside.  I was guilty of applying the “bigger shield” mentality to  my relationships; I thought if I built up a wall tough enough, it could keep the pain out.  Turns out it doesn’t work.

3) If Something Makes You Uncomfortable, Try Changing Your Approach

In Vibrams, you can’t just barrel through any terrain without thought.  Some surfaces hurt.  A lot. After a few disastrous attempts on a particular patch of earth that is covered in sweet gum balls, I learned to take a different approach through that spot.  I now  view it as a mini obstacle course, bouncing on my toes through the grenade strewn landscape.  I have found that this can  work in relationships, too.  When one approach doesn’t work, instead of giving up or persisting while frustration grows, try shifting to a new approach.

4) Go Slowly

When I first started using Vibrams, I was routinely running 6-12 miles at a stretch.  Luckily, I listened to advice and started out very slowly with the new shoes, running only about a quarter  mile first time out. I still had some discomfort and had to negotiate a learning curve, but I avoided the pain of too much, too soon.  My partner I  took a similar approach  to our relationship, moving slowly, adjusting to each stage and each other.  I think that approach has also helped us to avoid too many growing pains.

5) Flexibility Helps  to Prevent Injuries

Minimalist shoes cause your foot to flex  and bend around barriers.  The more flexible you are, the fewer injuries you will sustain.  In love, too, it helps to  be flexible rather than rigid in one’s ways.

6) A Little Insulation Can Make a World of Difference

My Vibrams had always been  my warm weather running shoes due to their utter lack of any sort of insulation. I made the mistake of taking them out on a relatively warm day last month and I couldn’t feel my toes for hours.  I finally purchased a pair of socks to wear under them for winter runs,and now my toes are happy even when the mercury drops.  In a relationship, the insulation comes in the form of the little things that remind you of the love, even in thr tough times: the notes, the texts, the touches.  They provide the warmth on an otherwise cold day.

7) Work With Your Nature

Barefoot running has taken off partly because of the research supporting a more natural running style.  It teaches you to accept the way you are, the way you move, and work with it, rather than fight against it.  In any successful partnership, the character of each person should be acknowledged and celebrated for what it is  rather than trying to mold it into something it is not.

8) Just Because Something is Unfamiliar, Doesn’t Mean You Won’t Love It

Those first few runs in five fingered shoes felt strange.  Very strange.  Stick with it, before you know  it it’s the regular shoes that feel alien.  A new relationship was like that for me also.  It was disconcerting to be in a familiar place with an unfamiliar person.  I’m glad I stuck it out through the strangeness, because now I love where I am.

9) Be Adaptable

One of my favorite aspects of Vibrams is their adaptability.  They work in water, on the beach, on the road, or in a mud run.  I try to be just as adaptable.

10) It’s Okay to Look Silly

Let’s face it, Vibrams are not the hottest looking shoe around.  In fact, they look downright silly.  And that is okay.  In a relationship, it is okay (in fact, great) to let your hair down and embrace the silly.  With or without the shoes.