Bone to Chew On

Posted on by stilllearning2b

There are days when Tiger needs a bone to chew on. Maybe he’s stressed because of some change in his environment. Maybe he needs to bleed excess energy because the weather hasn’t been conducive to walks or runs. Or, maybe he’s just bored and looking for something to do.

Regardless, he’ll get this certain look in his eye. There’s an intensity to it. A drive. A need. It’s like he’s saying, “Give me the chewy and no one gets hurt. If you chose not to supply the bone…”

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We’re really no different than Tiger.

We all require bones to chew on. Not real ones (I hope), but cerebral ones. Something that we can use to focus our mental energies upon. A passion or a problem that needs to be chewed on and whittled down. Something to turn to when we’re stressed or have excess energy to bleed or simply bored.

It’s best to have a whole box of bones available in case some run out or don’t taste right in the moment.

Because the thing about mental bones, is that if you don’t choose one, one may be chosen for you. And it may not be the one you want.

I have never felt this so acutely than I did in the months after my ex left. Before that point, gardening had been one of my favorite bones. It was relaxing and the mental selection and placement of plants could focus and calm my mind. But that bone was taken away when I had to leave my house and my garden. And because I didn’t have another at the ready, that passion was replaced with my ex and the details of the divorce.

I would worry away the details, chew on the possibilities and fixate on the loss.

It kept me focused and bled the excess energy, but it was not the bone I needed.

My first new bone after the divorce came as a bit of a surprise. I signed up for Match.com as a way to practice dating before commencing my planned move to Seattle. It turns out that online dating works pretty well for something to focus on. I went on countless dates and engaged in many more electronic flirtations. It wasn’t sustainable or healthy for the long run, but it allowed me to bury the bone of the divorce.

My next bone was more deliberate and wholesome. I started writing. This not only gave my mind a positive area on which to focus, it also served as a healing process of its own. As my life began to expand and settle once again, I continued to gather bones: blogging, racing and recently, gardening again.

How is your supply of cerebral chewies? Do you have a supply of positive ones or you gnawing on one that is harmful to your health? If you need one, ask Tiger. Maybe he’ll share:)

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Foolish

Posted on by stilllearning2b

foolish

Excuses

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excuses

Legacy

Posted on by stilllearning2b

During periods of struggle in my life, my maternal grandmother has been my lighthouse. She has endured many hardships during her 94 years and each one has caused her to embrace life with even more passion and vigor. She showed me from a very young age that although you cannot always change your circumstances, you can always change your attitude.

I’ve always identified with my grandmother; we have similar wiring that causes us to think (and often over think!) through problems, planning every little detail. This means that we’re always prepared, but it also can create needless worry about things that may never occur. We are both driven by a hunger to know more, understand more. And we both have a memory that is both a blessing and a curse, that retains and replays every life scene.

Her lessons make me laugh, as they never come in the expected form of words from a grandmother to a child. Her wisdom is transmitted through quips and actions that reveal the astuteness beneath. Here are a few of her pearls and the gifts beneath.

Tenacity

When I was in second grade, I was assigned a project to collect and identify seeds from several different trees. As an overachiever, I was not content to simply utilize the trees around my home in Texas, so I asked my grandmother to send me some from Wisconsin. A few days later, I opened an envelope with an assortment of seeds and a handwritten piece of paper detailing their origin. I promptly glued those seeds along with their southern relatives on a piece of poster board, labeled each find and turned it in. I was done. But grandma was just getting started. For the next three years, I would periodically receive an envelope filled with more seeds. I don’t think she stopped until she had collected genetic material from every tree in the state.

Play

One of my favorite memories of my grandmother is from a visit when I was a teenager. All of the cousins were present on this visit and the decision was made (probably for sanity’s sake) for the entire family to go to the water park. I assumed my grandmother, who was around 80 at the time, would elect to stay home or, at the very least, stay with the bags and the baby while the rest of us tackled the slides. I could not have been more wrong. There is something about the sight of an 80-year-old woman squealing with joy beneath her flowered swim cap going down a water slide that makes everyone smile.

Openness

I first moved in with my ex husband when we were just 19. I was nervous about my grandmother’s reaction. And shocked when I received it. One day, mere weeks after moving in, I received an envelope with a check for $200 (a fortune to two 19-year-olds just starting out) and a note that read, “This is a gift in stages for a marriage in stages.”

Curiosity

I think my grandmother could probably secure a job as a presidential advisor. No, seriously. She craves knowledge like a retriever follows a tennis ball. When mobility issues started to keep her home more, she found ways to bring the world to her. It’s not unusual for her to know about a weather event or other news story in my area before I do. Even though she has never been able to visit me in my 15 years in Atlanta, give her a map and she could plot every place I’ve ever lived and worked. Let’s just say we should all be appreciative she uses her powers for good, not evil.

Defiance

I have always been a rule follower. My grandmother is a rule breaker. No need to alert the police, she doesn’t speed or jaywalk or anything of that nature. But she also doesn’t let other’s rules box her in. Women aren’t supposed to do that? Hogwash. I’m too old? Watch this. Oh, I’m not supposed to think that way? Tough. At times, she has faced consequences for her actions, but she doesn’t waver.

Acceptance

I made a trek to Wisconsin mere weeks after Brock and I started dating. When I saw his picture on my grandmother’s fridge, I was a bit startled. It seemed too soon; I wasn’t sure this guy deserved a place among the family yet. “Don’t worry,” my grandmother replied to my inquisition with a smile, “It’s not up there with glue.”

Gratitude

My grandmother has nursed enough people to earn an honorary RN. She has survived the death of two husbands. She kept her family going through the depression and other hardships. She faced more obstacles than a participant in a mud run. And the amazing part? She never complains. No matter what life throws at her, she turns it over to see the positives hidden beneath.

Her legacy is in her lessons, now passed on to her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and anyone else who has crossed her path.

 

 

 

What a Difference

Posted on by stilllearning2b

What a difference two years makes. Two years ago, my first piece was published on The Huffington Post. Before that, I was a fledgling blogger with few followers (if you want a giggle, go back and read my early stuff – it’s pretty funny). Overnight, or so it seemed, my name started appearing in search engines (little creepy…) and I started getting calls from folks in the media (sometimes creepier). It was strange. Exciting, but surreal. I did not consider myself a writer (the book wasn’t even finished) and I was surprised and often touched (and sometimes disheartened) by the responses.  I had been anonymous before the HuffPo piece and, all of a sudden, my life was laid bare. Talk about vulnerable.

Now, I can’t imagine my life without writing; it is a core part of who I am. And, I’m super excited to announce that two years after my first big break, I have another one. My writing will now be appearing on Maria Shriver’s website, which is billed as sharing “Inspirational Stories for Architects of Change.” That is a message I can certainly get behind. I am honored to be a part of the site and of that mission.

So, check out my first post there (and please share!) and be sure to look around her site if you haven’t yet. There are some amazing posts there that will inspire you to design and build the life you want.

I also want to extend a great big “thank you” to my loyal readers. Writing is best when it is shared and I feel blessed to have so many people reading and sharing.