A Cynic’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day Flowers

So you thought you were safe? You survived the holiday season and you were beginning to settle back into normalcy. And then. Wham! Back with the sappy commercials. Out come the gaudy decorations. The messages of material happiness are yet again bombarding our senses from every direction.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

I don’t think there’s any holiday that is viewed with as much dread as Valentine’s Day. For the single, it is an acute awareness of their uncoupled state. For the partnered, it is a day fraught with expectations that are unattainable. And for those in undefined relationships, it is a holiday filled with questions and a delicate dance of protocol.

So who is this holiday even for anyway? According to the media, men end up spending money on diamonds or chocolates (or PajamaGrams) that represent their love. They then surprise their mate with their gift. Upon receiving the gift, the women swoon over their partner, their adoring eyes gazing up at their man. The subtext is obvious. Men – if you don’t give your partner something, she will be upset. Women – if you receive nothing, you are unloved.

Or at least that’s the way the commercials explain it. The expectations for perfection and romance have been elevated to laughable levels.

Unless you’re a millionaire Calvin Klein model who has the ability and inclination to whisk your girlfriend off to Paris where you can propose at the base of the Eiffel tower, you’ll fall short. Women are primed to believe that their man does not love them if they do not receive some tangible proof on a predetermined day on the calender. This notion is absurd.

When your coworker receives some elaborate bouquet, do not assume it is because her husband is a contender for a starring role in a romantic comedy. Perhaps the roses are a mea culpa for a major screw up. Or maybe he is some narcissistic jerk who wants others to fawn over his generosity.The truth is that a single gift, no matter how elaborate or romantic, is not a sign of love.

Love should be ongoing and omnipresent. It is the tiny crinkle in the corner of his eye when he sees you. It’s the comforting presence of a hand of your back when you’re feeling unsure. It’s the encouraging word, the passionate kiss and the understanding nod. It’s the embrace that eases all tension. Love cannot be bought and sold. It does not exist in a single day. It doesn’t need sparkle or a candy coated shell to dress it up.

I remember in elementary school, we would all exchange cards until we had a hand made envelope bulging with terms of endearment. We would eat candy and take a break from school work to laugh and talk and play. It didn’t matter if you were male or female. Single or had recently wed with a foil ring under the swings. Those were some of my favorite Valentine’s Days. No high expectations, just a day to celebrate togetherness and laughter. A time to share notes about what we loved and appreciated in others. And that’s a Valentine’s Day that can make even a cynic smile.

Here are my non-cynical Valentine wishes for you:

Let go of expectations.  Enjoy the moments in the day.  Celebrate your beauty and worth.  Kiss a dog.  Or cat.  Or baby.  Treat yourself to a breathe of fresh air.  Pamper yourself.  Perform an act of kindness for another.  Laugh.  Make a gratitude list.  And, if all else fails, remember that the next day is the 15th.

Valentine's Day Flowers

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14 thoughts on “A Cynic’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

  1. This will be my first Valentines without my husband and I shall be spending it with my beautiful daughter and showering her with kisses! Great post x

  2. Well written! The thing is though we hate it when we are single or in a relationship that doesn’t comes with roses and flowers…it does feels nice to have someone go out there way to express their love for you. I been in every scenario there is…but like Many I am not looking forward to this day as my man is not the romantic type and it will pass me by as I watch all my coworkers ooh and aww over others flowers delivered. I think I will call out that day! LOL

  3. I have Valentin’s Day and my Anniversary all in the same month. I’m in a happier, stronger place now. I’ll be loving all over my children as I always do, we’ll bake sweets and eat them up.

  4. My thoughts exactly! It reminds me of that Madonna song where she says that satin sheets are very romantic, but who’s in them when you’re not there? I have no idea how that line popped into my head – maybe because the time when I used to listen to Madonna was about the same time that I worried about Valentine’s Day. There is an emotional immaturity about this day that astounds me.

  5. The hardest thing is letting go of expectations. I have found that in most cases where there are expectations, there are disappointments. This was a great post and I can’t wait to go home and smooch the kiddies! let the count down to the 15th begin!!

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