After spending the last two months stuck to my office chair like peanut butter on the roof of Tiger’s mouth (trust me, it’s quite an image), the book has been completed.
As I type, it is currently showing as “publishing” on Amazon. That word is teasing me. Sticking out its tongue. Amazon states that it takes up to 12 hours for a book to publish. What infernal wording! Imagine submitting a blog post and having to wait half a day (or up to, so you never really know when it will go live). Except this isn’t just a blog post. It’s 79,000 words that took 3 years to write.
Finishing the book is an amazing emotional release. Tears tickled the corners of my eyes as I went out on my evening run. That entire chapter of my life is over. Done. Finished. I have found release and peace through the process of writing the book. I have cried countless tears as I relived the most painful memories while they were recorded in words. I screamed at my ex all over again as I looked at what he did through a writer’s eyes. I laughed at the humor and shook my head in disbelief at the absurdity of the whole story.
And now it is just a story to me. It is a story to share so that others can realize they are not alone on their journeys and can (hopefully) find inspiration through my pilgrimage to happiness. The end of the book is the end of an era.
Journaling has long been accepted as a useful tool in the therapeutic process. Traditional journaling can certainly provide benefits. It is a “safe” space to explore powerful feelings. It encourages reflection and honesty and can lead the writer to a better understanding of him or herself. I believe that journaling can be even more beneficial, specifically after a traumatic event, when it is expanded to cover the entire writing process. Each step in the process helps to promote healing in a different way and the completion of all of the steps will help the writer to move forward from the trauma.
Pre-write: This is the time to purge all of the negative emotions. Do not censor yourself. Do not worry about sentence structure or grammar; simply let the words flow. This stage is wonderful for helping to cleanse the mind of all of the poisonous emotions that can damage self or others if bottled up or inappropriately expressed. Stay at this stage until the anger has lessened to the point where rationality has returned. Feel free to return to this stage as needed.
Rough Draft: After you have purged your mind of the initial anger and hurt, it is time to start making sense of your trauma. Craft your preliminary version, focusing on organizing your thoughts and ideas.This is the time to begin to make sense of your story. Examine cause and effect. Consider different perspectives. Blend the raw emotion from your pre-writing with rational thought born from time and distance.
Edit: Read your draft. Edit for spelling and grammar. Revise your sentences and paragraphs until they are succinct and powerful. Read your draft again. The editing process allows you to find distance from your story. Each time you read it, especially as your focus is on the mechanics rather than the content, you will find that you become slightly more removed from the pain.
Publish: Don’t worry, you don’t have to have an agent for this or even research self-publishing. Rather, share your story with at least one other person. By sharing your writing, you are showing that you own your story. It is yours to tell as you wish. This helps to take you out of a victim mode and casts you as the author of your life.
Somehow it seems appropriate to be here three years after my tsunami divorce.
Just days after the end, I picked up a pen and wrote voluntarily for the first time in my life. Days after that, I moved my journal to the computer and began to craft a book out of my life. I wrote consistently, even compulsively, for a couple months. It was therapy. I spewed my rage and sorrow upon the keyboard and somehow some a story was crafted. Then, as abruptly as I started writing, I stopped. For two years, I knew that I intended to finish the book, but I couldn’t bring myself to work on it. The original intensity had faded, yet it was too painful to give the file more than a cursory look.
Finally, last winter, I knew I was ready to begin again. A friend recommended that I start this blog. It was a great suggestion, as this has been a place for honing my writing, brainstorming ideas, learning to be comfortable with my writing and story being “out there,” and it has opened up bigger opportunities. It has also been a distraction from writing the book; 800 word typo-filled blog posts are much easier to write than a full-length fully-edited book. Who knew? 🙂
It’s tangible.
My goal for this summer was to actually finish the book rather than just talk about it. I’m pretty much there. It’s written. It’s formatted. It’s currently being edited. Once the final changes are made, I’ll upload the final version into KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) and click “submit.” (…and then re-format the whole thing again for the print version…but I’m not ready to think about that yet!)
A few months ago, I wrote a post contemplating when I could call myself a writer. I definitely feel like one now after a solid month of sitting on a hard chair in a hot office pounding away at the keys. The sore brain and butt confirm it. So does the almost full ream of paper it took to print the thing for the editor:)
Computer on the left, book on the right.
It’s been a crazy summer pushing to get all my projects done before school starts up again (which for teachers around here is just a couple weeks away!). I used a 4-part motivation/organization/idea board to keep me going.
FYI – “Body” has my marathon training schedule and reminders to stretch!
It’s crazy to think that I’ll be ready to change the label on the “book” square soon. Any suggestions for what I should add there?
I know my boyfriend and the animals will be happy to have me spend more time downstairs instead of holed up in my office. He (the boyfriend, not the dog!) leaves me little notes around my desk. I found this one in the spiral I use to jot down notes a couple days ago.
You finally get to see what the boyfriend looks like! 🙂
Tiger and Maddy have enjoyed my time writing. This is on the couch behind my desk.
We think of Tiger as a Pit Bull Ambassador.
This has been an amazing adventure. The book has been so therapeutic to write; working with the story has helped to distance me from some of the pain. I have learned so much in the process as I have taken the needed steps to take the book from its infancy three years ago to a finished and published (and hopefully read!) product.
I love that I’m celebrating (yes, celebrating) the three-year anniversary of the tsunami with the completion of the book. It feels like I’m ready to close that chapter of my life and move on to my new lessons.
Until then, I am enjoying some summer (which means resting my brain and running my butt) while awaiting word (hopefully not too many!) from the editor. And, soon, I hope to push “submit!”
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 