The Gift of Giving

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I received a gift tonight. No, not one that was wrapped and sitting under a tree, nor one that came in a box at all. The gift I received tonight was the gift of giving.

 

My boyfriend and I made our usual trip to the gym this evening. Usual, with one small caveat – he was almost out of gas. Now, this is a situation that historically has caused me great stress. Until my mid-twenties, I never let my car go below 1/4 of a tank. Yeah, I know. I am getting better; however, and the situation this evening only caused me mild distress until we pulled into the gas station with 1 mile left on the digital readout.

Gas can & Twine
(Photo credit: silverlunace)

 

By the time Brock and I left the gym this evening, it was dark out (not cold, however. thanks, Atlanta for this springtime respite!). We saw a woman struggling with a gas can with her car pulled just into the driveway of the gym (a position we could have easily been in ourselves just 30 minutes earlier). Brock immediately stopped the car, rolled down the window, and asked if she needed help. She said she couldn’t get the nozzle of  the gas can to operate according to the directions. Brock put his car in reverse, and pulled out of the driveway, hitting a piece of metal and blowing a rear tire in the process.

A brief interlude: After only a few weeks of dating, Brock spent an afternoon helping me as I purchased an apartment’s worth of furniture from IKEA, loaded it into a rental truck, and carried it up 3 flights of stairs. On our way back to the rental facility (after MANY trips up those damned stairs), we came across a man who had run out of gas just outside my new apartment. As the nearest gas station was a mile away, Brock offered to give him a ride there and back. We were exhausted. I was elated. I knew then I had a man worth keeping.

 

Undaunted, he got out, and proceeded to try to help the woman. It turns out that this gas can was either designed by or manufactured by complete morons, as it was impossible to connect the nozzle to the can in any fashion. She and I proceeded to mess with the pesky plastic piece of junk (eventually using a laminated brochure as a funnel in its place) while Brock went to change his tire.

 

We left the gym parking lot 20 minutes later than planned with gas on our hands, rumbles in our bellies and a busted tire. But we also left happy, filled with the authentic well-being that can only come from helping another. And that’s a gift we can all receive.

 

 

 

Practicing What I Preach

Posted on by stilllearning2b

First, please familiarize yourself with my post, This Is a Test of the Emergency Rant System. Done? Okay, now let’s get on with it.

Today was the first of many monthly payments on my ex-husband’s debt that I am responsible for (and we won’t even talk about the large sum that I paid last week to get the ball rolling). My hope all along was to be able to settle the debt in a lump sum so that I wouldn’t have the emotional bungee cord of monthly payments that can so easily pull me back into a state of anger and frustration. Obviously, my hope for a single lump sum did not manifest, so now I have to make the best out of the situation in which I find myself.

So, I am practicing what I preach. Each month, as I send the payment, I will add another item to a growing gratitude list. This forces me to steer my thoughts towards the present and the positive rather than getting mired in the muck of the past every lunar cycle. I won’t be sharing all of those on here, but I started with following today:

Brock – the love I never thought I would find

That’s a much nicer thought to be left with than one where I’m cursing my ex or wondering where the money went.

It’s strange. The loss of this money every month will hurt. It means that some things will have to be postponed indefinitely (Two Ladies Going to Verona) and my car better last for another 5 years. But still, it feels good in a purgative sort of way to release the funds. This is the last tangible tie (apart from the gift of crappy credit he left me with) to my ex and his deceptions. For 3 years, my money has not been securely mine as I’ve paid some of his debts and worked to negotiate others. With each payment, my burden of the past is lessened and I am one month closer to ownership of my income.

I’m not going to pretend it’s always easy. Some moments, I wish my checkbook had a special carbon where I could write a “Bad Karma” check to the bigamist at the same time I record a payment for his lies. The reality; however, is that such a check would hurt me more than it would hurt him simply by keeping my thoughts in the negative.

So, instead, I’ll picture a “Good Karma” carbon and I’ll focus on cultivating positive energy with each payment. Besides, I’m sure he’s cashing enough bad karma checks on his own; he doesn’t need me to endorse them.

In about two years, I’ll be free of this last tie to the past and I will have a wonderful list of 24 things for which I am grateful. I can live with that.