I came across this article today (Cling Less, Love More) on Psychology Today and found myself startled with realization. I never would have described myself as clingy with my ex – I was independent (often too much so), not jealous, and was frequently apart from him for long periods while he traveled. Then I read this article. The author talks about the tension inherent in clinging and the motivations behind it in a way that echoed familiar. With clinging, you are desperately attached to an outcome, grasping out of fear. Yeah, I get that one. I was clinging in a way and it was holding me still, static, unable to move.
The author contrasts clinging with healthy desires and passions which encourage investment in the now and the goal, but not in the outcomes that are out of our control. I realize that this describes my current relationship. I am so much more relaxed about the “outcome.” I know that this shift is mainly from facing a tsunami and living to tell the tale. Facing your fears has a way of diminishing them. I am no less committed to the current relationship, no less in love. But it feels different. I’m not grasping. I’m holding.
I now have a new perspective and new words for a lesson I have been learning and sharing. I love it when that happens 🙂
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 