How to Move In Together (Without Losing Your Mind)

Posted on by stilllearning2b

“What do you think about moving in with me?” The text said, signed by Tiger.

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“I’m not sure your crate is big enough for two,” I typed back, humor acting as a buffer for my careening emotions.

As I waited for a response, I looked around my space. My space. Really the only time I had an entire place all to myself. I had made it into a sanctuary of sorts. Sparse, yet containing elements that made me feel peaceful and hopeful. Almost every item was purchased post-divorce and so there was a newness. A freshness. A clean slate. An incubator nurturing me back to health.

I thought of Brock’s home. It didn’t have the same sense of peace that I had carefully cultivated in my healing space. And then I thought of Brock. And the potential we had that was really making itself evident in the last few months. Being together was more important than keeping my white slipcover spotless.

As with everything in our relationship, we stepped slowly. Carefully. Intentionally. He first brought up cohabitating in December and my lease didn’t expire until June. We used that time to adjust to the idea and, most importantly, to talk through the anticipated issues ahead of time.

Moving in together is exciting. And it’s also a challenging transition in any relationship. It softens the boundaries between the individuals. It tests the communication and negotiation skills of the pair. The shared walls act as an amplifier of any discord and the removal of their own place to escape to can create panic.

—–

Moving in together can be stressful. Here’s how to do it without losing your mind:

If Possible…

Start fresh. It’s so much easier to build a space together than for one person to try to carve out a niche in the other’s home. Especially if that home holds memories of a former relationship. It allows for less emotional negotiations for space and decor when you’re both opening the boxes. Of course, that’s not always possible.

If Your Partner Is Moving In To Your Space…

A few weeks before I moved in, Brock cleared out his guest bedroom. “This is your space,” he said when I came over later that night, “Paint it and do whatever you want to it.” Before long, the grey walls and the addition of my couch and rug made that space a smaller version of my apartment sanctuary. It was perfect and it was mine.

They are not a guest. And treating them like one will make their stay temporary. Don’t invite somebody to move in until you’re ready to relinquish control over (some) of your home.

Start by clearing out. Designate closet space. Make space for pieces of their furniture.Don’t be stingy – one empty drawer says, “This is my territory and I’m allowing you to encroach on it.” An empty dresser says, “I’m ready to share my life with you.”

Ask what is important to them and work together to try to incorporate it. Allow them to make some changes and imprint their preferences. Even better if you work on same changes together.

Don’t expect them to do things your way. They are not only bringing their clothes, they are bringing their way of living.

If You Are Moving Into Your Partner’s Space…

Communicate, communicate, communicate! Ask what areas they are willing to clear out. Be clear about what you want to bring in. If you want a space that it yours and your alone, make that desire clear.

You are in a tricky situation. If you tiptoe around and try not to leave a mark, you are acting as a guest and not a partner. That mindset will backfire as you feel stifled and unimportant. On the other hand, getting a key does not give you free reign to go all HGTV on the place and reinvent it in your taste. Wait too long to make changes and it will be assumed that you’re okay with the staus quo. Make them too quickly and it will feel aggressive and territorial.

Be patient with your partner; it’s not easy letting go of being the master of your domain. Yet also be clear and consistent about your needs to share the space, not just occupy it.

In both cases of one person moving into an existing home, make a purchase of something for the house together. It can be as small as a throw pillow. But it carries a big message – this is now our home.

If One Person is Messier…

Buy black towels. I found myself frustrated when my largely white IKEA kitchen towels became stained within days of moving in. So I went to Target and dropped $7.99 on a new set of towels, this time in I-can’t-see-the-red-wine-on-them black. And it’s never frustrated me again. Creativity will take you a lot further than criticism.

It’s easy for the neater person to see themselves as superior. To believe that there way is the “right” way and to expect the messier person to shoulder the burden of change. But unless you’re keeping your house show-ready for a sale, there is no “right” way to live. Instead of painting the messier one as wrong, try looking at it from a team perspective – what can we do to meet the needs of both (which in our case, is a monthly house cleaner and separate bathrooms). And be prepared for both people to make some compromises.

If You Have Different Needs for Personal Time and Space…

I see it happen all the time. One person assumes that moving in means that the couple will now share everything. That yours and mine fail to exist and that every minute home is spent together. Meanwhile, the other believes that the current amount of time spent together will persist even when households are merged. One ends up feeling neglected and the other ends up feeling smothered.

We all need different amounts of personal time and space. Often those needs aren’t clearly expressed until cohabitation occurs, since separate homes give plenty of opportunity for retreat. Once moved in, the frustration can build and fights can erupt over the issue.

If you’re the one needing more space, speak up. Make sure you communicate that it’s about your own need to recharge and that it’s not a rejection of your partner. If your partner needs more space, strive to not take it personally and ensure that you are not depending on them for all of your social, emotional and entertainment needs.

If You’re Sharing the Rent or Mortgage…

Don’t make assumptions. They’re dangerous, especially when made up until the bill becomes due. Make sure that the negotiations feel fair to both partners and reflect actual income and personal financial obligations. If you’re the one who insists on a big cable package and your partner is indifferent, that may be your expense to bear. If one person cares more about decor, that may be on their dime.

Figure out how accounts will be managed – completely separate, fully combined or some combination of the two? Are you still thinking about money only from your perspective or are you starting to make and work towards shared financial goals? Is one of you a svaer and one a spender? How will those differences be handled?

Moving in together sets the tone for how you and partner handle finances. In other words, it’s important, especially because fights about money are one of the major causes of divorce. Make sure these conversations happen early and often, even if they’re uncomfortable. I personally love the idea of a weekly, monthly or quarterly “budget meeting,” where expenses are tallied and approaches analyzed. It holds both people accountable and keeps money from becoming a manipulative tactical device.

—–

Above all, maintain a sense of humor throughout the process. It’s amazing how much easier transition is when you can find ways to laugh about it. And like any transition, it’s hardest at the beginning. Hang in there – it gets easier:)

Lonely in Love? How Long to Create a Shared History?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

How long does it take to create a shared history?

I think I finally have an answer.

In many ways, losing the shared history that I had with my first husband was even harder than losing my first husband. Because a shared history is something distinctive. The best and most memorable moments coexisting in both people, creating an intimacy unique to the couple. Time has eroded all of the rough edges of the reality, leaving only the pearls.

A year after he left, I no longer missed him at all.

But I desperately missed the existence of a shared history.

And that’s a terribly isolating feeling.

—–

Even as I was falling in love with my now-husband, I was lonely. I wasn’t sure why at first. We spent a great deal of quality time together, he was attentive and we were having a great time getting to know each other and taking the baby steps towards a shared life.

So why did I sometimes look at him and feel as though he was miles away?

It’s because he didn’t speak the language of my former shared history. I would have the overwhelming urge to bring up an old inside joke or remember a former shared experience. And even though I was falling for this man, this was a particular language he would never know.

In good relationships, the shared history is near the surface. Stories told and retold. Memories remembered. It’s a way to snug the laces holding two people together by recalling the happy times, the times of overcoming and the times you’re glad are over.

And that urge to share doesn’t end as soon as the relationship does. Leaving you feeling as though you’ve abruptly dropped in a foreign country and nobody else understands your native tongue.

—–

As time when on, I slowly forgot some of my earlier language. The urge to speak it lessened as my old shared history became less important and less in the forefront.

There was space to create a new shared history – one with my new partner. I was ready. But the creation of a shared history cannot be rushed.

So how long does it take to fully form a shared history?

The kind that has fully developed rituals to reflect back on and look forward to?

The kind that can provide an abundance of happy moments to recall?

The kind that has shared words and shared jokes that prompt a feeling of intimacy and love?

The kind that possesses narratives of the partners overcoming adversity together?

How long?

Right around five years.

Now, obviously a shared history is not operated by a switch – now you don’t have it, now you do. It grows over time, like a savings account with consistent deposits. But just like like savings account, there comes a moment when you step back and realize that all of those small additions have built up to something significant.

Five years is enough time for holiday rituals to become established. Five years is long enough to have a wealth of good memories to pull from and enough adversity to recall the overcoming of it. It’s a span where change is evident – in bodies, in homes, in goals – and reminiscing about the earlier versions can occur. After five years, you have amassed enough photographs and cards and texts to tell the story of your relationship. Now just how it began, but how it evolved.

Five years may feel like a long time. But it’s much shorter than never.

—–

If you’re feeling lonely and isolated after the loss of a shared history, try the following-

-Reconnect with people from your past. It will refresh a different shared history and lessen some of that loneliness.

-If you have kids, be aware that you are helping to build their first shared history. Be intentional and find joy in the history you’re creating with them.

-In the beginning, it’s hard not to voice the shared memories that surface. Be patient with yourself. And then work to lessen their presence. No need to eradicate them, just don’t keep them in the file folder in the front of the mental drawer.

-If you’re starting a new relationship, be patient. It takes time to develop a full shared history. As it is created, nurture it by interacting with it. For example, revisit special restaurants, use nicknames and remind your partner of a time when they really shined.

-Stay busy and engaged. Love your moments and you won’t worry as much about your memories.

Refuse to be a Dropout in the School of Life

Posted on by stilllearning2b
dropout

We’ve all seen the statistics –

A high school drop out earns less money and is more likely to be unemployed.

A high school dropout is more likely to commit crimes and spend time in prison.

A high school dropout has lower physical and mental health.

So we place a great emphasis as a society on encouraging our children to persevere and make it through 12th grade. We tell them it’s worth it. We offer encouragement and celebration when they’re on track and motivation and consequences when they’re not.

Because the lessons learned in school are important. And the consequences of not learning them can be dire.

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And then once the diploma is in hand (either high school or higher education), we back off. As though the learning is done.

When in reality, it’s really just beginning.

Welcome to enrollment in the school of life.

It starts young and you don’t graduate until your bell rings, hopefully a long, long, long time from now.

Whether you learn the lessons or not.

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And life’s lessons are way more important than the quadratic formula or who led the final battle of the Civil War. The consequences of not learning life’s lessons are even more profound.

How do you stop from being a dropout in the school of life?

Take some cues from the characteristics of those that successfully graduate from high school:

1 – They Show Up

Successful students know that they have to be present to learn. They make an effort to be there most days and they understand that a body in the seat while the mind is elsewhere is a waste of time. When they are sick, they allow themselves time to rest but they also understand that time away requires extra effort upon return.

Students of life understand that they need to be fully present and engaged. They don’t hide behind their phones or under the covers for days on end. They don’t call in sick every time there is a difficult task. They take time outs when needed, but don’t leave life on “pause” for any length of time.

2 – They Believe They Will Progress

Students are constantly presented with material that they cannot yet do. And the successful ones have faith that with enough time, effort and assistance, they will make progress and master the lesson. Before a student can walk across the stage, they have to believe that they can walk across the stage.

Life is the hardest teacher – the tests often come first, showing us what we don’t yet know. And it can be easy to become defeated. To give up. To drop out. It’s okay if you don’t learn it the first time through. There’s a reason summer school exists. You don’t have to be able to do it all at once. Just believe that by tackling increasingly bigger challenges, you’ll get to walk across that stage.

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3-They Are Not Afraid to Go to the Counselor’s Office

High school graduates are not afraid to ask for help. They’ll go to the guidance counselor for assistance with home issues. They seek out the graduation coach for hep preparing for the SAT. They show up at morning help sessions, ask the media center clerk how to locate information and talk to their coach about how to improve their high jump.

As adults, we don’t have all of that assistance under one roof, but it’s still there for the taking (okay, usually paying!). Students of the school of life acknowledge that sometimes they need support from outside. And they don’t hesitate to ask for a hall pass to the counselor.

4 – They Accept That Effort and Outcome Are Related

In class, strong students are not afraid to get their hands dirty. They are active participants in lecture and small group work. If they didn’t study for a test, they don’t ask surprised when they receive a failing. And they never try to blame the teacher for that F. Graduates accept responsibility for their own learning, starting with the effort they expend.

Life is not a spectator sport. You don’t learn about life only by watching others navigate through its obstacles. Life’s scholars don’t expect others to do the work for them or to sweep in and save them. Those who make As in life put in the effort and take the responsibility for their own happiness and well being.

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5-They See Mistakes As Part of Learning

Graduates are never without an eraser. They know that mistakes are inevitable and are nothing to be ashamed of. Instead of cursing their errors, they embrace them, understanding that the best learning often comes through mistakes. Furthermore, they are willing to start over. And over. Until they get it right.

Mistakes are a sign that you’re learning. Starting over means that you’re applying the lessons. Students of life don’t waste time wallowing in guilt or “shoulds.” Instead, they analyze the mistake, make adjustments and try again. And again.

6-They Don’t Allow a Bad Class or a Bad Teacher to Stop Them

Every student who has graduated high school has endured a bad class or a bad teacher. They have faced people who single them out, they have dealt with unfair situations and they felt beaten down. The dropouts let that bad moment spread, a ripple effect that influences areas that previously were okay. The graduates understand that bad classes happen. And schedules change.

Life isn’t arranged in classes, but hard terms most definitely exist. Often they’re not fair. Sometimes they are so bad that they threaten to spread into every corner of our existence. Life’s successful students work to find comfort in the belief that hard times don’t last. That fairness isn’t promised on the syllabus. And that a bad week, or month or year does not make a bad life.

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7-They Seek Out Mentors

Ask any high school graduate and they can name at least one adult in their lives that they look up to. They seek out and observe mentors, people further along the same path that they envision themselves on. They ask. They listen. They learn.

Successful lifers also have mentors, people they emulate and admire. They release the ego that says, “You’ve already learned everything” and they are open to discovering something new.

8-They Understand That Sometimes You Have to Jump Through Hoops

Those who stay the course through school are able to see the bigger picture. They understand how the little steps add up to a bigger outcome. They may grumble about the often-infuriating details that can interfere with progress, but they accept that sometimes they just have to play the game and jump through the hoops.

In life, successful students also accept that there are some things that they have to do even when they really, really don’t want to. They are able to step back and see how those details, even when pointless, fit into the bigger picture. And they’ll put their head down and make it happen.

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9-They Develop a Tolerance for Frustration

Learning gets messy. It gets arduous. It gets downright frustrating sometimes. High school graduates may have moments where they ball up the paper and throw it across the room in exasperation. But after their tantrum, they keep going.

Lifelong learners develop a tolerance for frustration. They feel it and then they let it pass. They learn how to mitigate its effects and how to ignore its squeal. Successful students have grit. True grit.

10-They Make and Keep Friends

Very few of those high school students who walk across the stage have nobody cheering them on. Successful students understand the importance of friendships and they prioritize creating and nurturing those relationships. They also recognize that no one friend will fit every need and they work to diversify their friend portfolio.

It may be harder to make and keep friends outside of high school, but it’s no less important. Life is so much better and richer with others by your side. They offer support, reality checks and a laugh when you need it most. Bonus points for slumber parties:)

 

Class dismissed:) Now go out there and learn!

Planning On Being a Stay-At-Home Parent? Make Sure You Consider THIS First!

Posted on by stilllearning2b
stay at home

Brock and I recently finished watching the series Boardwalk Empire, which takes place in the Prohibition-era United States. After watching one heart-breaking scene with a woman and her kids, Brock turned to me.

“It’s so sad how women were trapped in bad marriages or devastated when their husbands left or died back then because of a lack of resources and opportunity.”

“Sadly,” I replied, “It still happens. I hear from women in that very position all the time.”

—–

Circumstances have changed dramatically since the early twentieth century. Staying at home to raise the kids is no longer an assumption, it is generally a carefully made decision. Couples weigh the pros (quality time with the child, no child care costs, more influence on development) against the cons (reduced family income, possibility of isolation or boredom for the parent who stays home, difficulty of re-entering the workforce down the road). It is still usually the female that elects to stay home if that decision is reached, yet increasingly, that role is given to or shared with the man.

The decision to stay home to raise children is an incredibly personal one, with many beliefs and goals entering into the process.

And I am not trying to sway you either way. That choice is entirely yours to make.

I just want you to think about all of the possibilities when you make your decision.

Because I often hear what happens when people don’t.

—–

“I need to get out of this marriage. His drinking is out of control and he’s starting to scare me. I don’t want to raise my kids in this environment. But I don’t have any money and I don’t work. What can I do?”

“My tsunami divorce happened when he sent me an email and then left. The courts ordered that he pay child support, but he’s only made a couple of payments in the last year. I stopped working 10 years ago to raise the kids and I can’t seem to get a job now. What do I do?”

“We always seemed to be okay financially. But then when she died, I learned that there was all kinds of debt I didn’t know about. Since she was the primary bread winner, we decided that I would stay at home when the kids were young. It’s been so long now, my former industry has changed. What should I do?”

I hate reading these questions. I wish I could help them into a time machine and take them back along with the knowledge that they needed to form a contingency plan along with their child care plan.

And I get why people often don’t. You don’t believe that it can happen to you.

—–

I was lucky. Even though I did a lot of things wrong in my marriage (secure in the belief that my husband really meant til death), I had my own career and my own income. My situation was also made significantly easier by the fact that we did not have children. I only had to worry about my own survival, not that of any offspring.

I didn’t follow up enough with the financial conversations that we had to ensure that his words matched the ledgers. I didn’t keep up with the myriad accounts, trusting that he had our best interests in mind. I didn’t have my own money, separate from his reach. I didn’t have an emergency plan for what I could do if the worst came to past. I allowed him access to my preexisting credit card. I didn’t know that he had canceled (or simply neglected to pay) the life insurance policy that let me sleep at night. And I trusted the courts would enforce their ruling that he was to pay me back.

I trusted him to take care of us. Of me. And I neglected to take care of myself.

And those mistakes cost me money.

If I had been a stay-at-home mom who made the same mistakes, the results could have been disastrous and so much larger than just a financial hit.

Because here’s the scary, sad and so-not-fair truth – It can happen to you.

You may find yourself wed (and dependent upon) an abuser. Scared to stay and yet unable to leave.

That same spouse that was so supportive of your staying home may decide that he or she no longer wants to return home.

The perfect parent may suddenly morph into somebody refuses to pay child support.

And through no fault of their own, your husband or wife may be struck down before their time.

And so as much as you hate to , consider those worst cases while you’re making life changes. Your life – and your kids’ lives – may depend upon it.

—–

If you are the partner who will be staying home, consider implementing the following as part of an emergency preparedness plan:

-Build an emergency fund that you have access to. If your spouse also has access, make sure that you periodically check to ensure it’s there. It really doesn’t have to be some great amount. Just enough so that you never feel trapped in that moment because of a lack of funds. This isn’t meant to be a primary savings account or some source of anxiety. Just a small insurance tucked away, hopefully never to be needed.

-Have at least one credit card in your name with a reasonable limit. One problem people often face after staying at home for a period of time is that their credit takes a hit. Use the card at least every few months and then pay it off to keep your credit score high.

-Before you decide to stay home, develop some education or job skills as well as some experience. It’s never easy to return to the working world after a break, but it’s a little easier if you’ve been there before and had something to offer.

-Consider work you can do part-time or from home. Even if the pay is not great, it is something and it keeps you from feeling powerless.

-Maintain connections with people who are in the working world.

-Build and nurture a safety net of friends and family.

-Stay sharp. Enroll in free online courses. Take on freelance gigs that relate to your former career. Keep up with the changes and developments in your industry.

-Have an outline of a “If the sh*t hits the fan plan.” Hopefully the outline grows faded and dusty. But if it’s ever needed, you’ll be so glad you put some thought into it when you could still think rationally.

-Have a pulse on the relationship and the family’s financial standing.

-If divorce is in the picture, don’t assume that alimony or child support will be awarded or promptly paid. Try to put yourself in a position where that money is nice, but not needed.

—–

There are times when you have to be dependent upon somebody else.

And that’s okay.

But never allow yourself to become dependent upon being dependent.

Because that’s a risk that may end up being too big to take.

This is one area where the motto I learned from the residents of a remote – and harsh – Alaskan town applies:

“Prepare for the worst. Expect the best. And live for today.”

Because even though it can happen to you, I hope it never does.

I just want you to be prepared just in case.

So that you are never in a position of asking somebody the unanswerable question, “What can I do now?”

Planning On Being a Stay At Home Parent? Make Sure You Consider THIS First!

Posted on by stilllearning2b
stay at home

Are you thinking of becoming a stay at home parent?

 

Brock and I recently finished watching the series Boardwalk Empire, which takes place in the Prohibition-era United States. After watching one heart-breaking scene with a woman and her kids, Brock turned to me.

“It’s so sad how women were trapped in bad marriages or devastated when their husbands left or died back then because of a lack of resources and opportunity.”

“Sadly,” I replied, “It still happens. I hear from women in that very position all the time.”

—–

Circumstances have changed dramatically since the early twentieth century. Staying at home to raise the kids is no longer an assumption, it is generally a carefully made decision. Couples weigh the pros (quality time with the child, no child care costs, more influence on development) against the cons (reduced family income, possibility of isolation or boredom for the parent who stays home, difficulty of re-entering the workforce down the road). It is still usually the female that elects to stay home if that decision is reached, yet increasingly, that role is given to or shared with the man.

The decision to stay home to raise children is an incredibly personal one, with many beliefs and goals entering into the process.

And I am not trying to sway you either way. That choice is entirely yours to make.

I just want you to think about all of the possibilities when you make your decision.

Because I often hear what happens when people don’t.

—–

“I need to get out of this marriage. His drinking is out of control and he’s starting to scare me. I don’t want to raise my kids in this environment. But I don’t have any money and I don’t work. What can I do?”

“My tsunami divorce happened when he sent me an email and then left. The courts ordered that he pay child support, but he’s only made a couple of payments in the last year. I stopped working 10 years ago to raise the kids and I can’t seem to get a job now. What do I do?”

“We always seemed to be okay financially. But then when she died, I learned that there was all kinds of debt I didn’t know about. Since she was the primary bread winner, we decided that I would stay at home when the kids were young. It’s been so long now, my former industry has changed. What should I do?”

I hate reading these questions. I wish I could help them into a time machine and take them back along with the knowledge that they needed to form a contingency plan along with their child care plan.

And I get why people often don’t. You don’t believe that it can happen to you.

—–

I was lucky. Even though I did a lot of things wrong in my marriage (secure in the belief that my husband really meant til death), I had my own career and my own income. My situation was also made significantly easier by the fact that we did not have children. I only had to worry about my own survival, not that of any offspring.

I didn’t follow up enough with the financial conversations that we had to ensure that his words matched the ledgers. I didn’t keep up with the myriad accounts, trusting that he had our best interests in mind. I didn’t have my own money, separate from his reach. I didn’t have an emergency plan for what I could do if the worst came to past. I allowed him access to my preexisting credit card. I didn’t know that he had canceled (or simply neglected to pay) the life insurance policy that let me sleep at night. And I trusted the courts would enforce their ruling that he was to pay me back.

I trusted him to take care of us. Of me. And I neglected to take care of myself.

And those mistakes cost me money.

If I had been a stay-at-home mom who made the same mistakes, the results could have been disastrous and so much larger than just a financial hit.

Because here’s the scary, sad and so-not-fair truth – It can happen to you.

You may find yourself wed (and dependent upon) an abuser. Scared to stay and yet unable to leave.

That same spouse that was so supportive of your staying home may decide that he or she no longer wants to return home.

The perfect parent may suddenly morph into somebody refuses to pay child support.

And through no fault of their own, your husband or wife may be struck down before their time.

And so as much as you hate to , consider those worst cases while you’re making life changes. Your life – and your kids’ lives – may depend upon it.

—–

If you are the partner who will be staying home, consider implementing the following as part of an emergency preparedness plan:

-Build an emergency fund that you have access to. If your spouse also has access, make sure that you periodically check to ensure it’s there. It really doesn’t have to be some great amount. Just enough so that you never feel trapped in that moment because of a lack of funds. This isn’t meant to be a primary savings account or some source of anxiety. Just a small insurance tucked away, hopefully never to be needed.

-Have at least one credit card in your name with a reasonable limit. One problem people often face after staying at home for a period of time is that their credit takes a hit. Use the card at least every few months and then pay it off to keep your credit score high.

-Before you decide to stay home, develop some education or job skills as well as some experience. It’s never easy to return to the working world after a break, but it’s a little easier if you’ve been there before and had something to offer.

-Consider work you can do part-time or from home. Even if the pay is not great, it is something and it keeps you from feeling powerless.

-Maintain connections with people who are in the working world.

-Build and nurture a safety net of friends and family.

-Stay sharp. Enroll in free online courses. Take on freelance gigs that relate to your former career. Keep up with the changes and developments in your industry.

-Have an outline of a “If the sh*t hits the fan plan.” Hopefully the outline grows faded and dusty. But if it’s ever needed, you’ll be so glad you put some thought into it when you could still think rationally.

-Have a pulse on the relationship and the family’s financial standing.

-If divorce is in the picture, don’t assume that alimony or child support will be awarded or promptly paid. Try to put yourself in a position where that money is nice, but not needed.

—–

There are times when you have to be dependent upon somebody else.

And that’s okay.

But never allow yourself to become dependent upon being dependent.

Because that’s a risk that may end up being too big to take.

This is one area where the motto I learned from the residents of a remote – and harsh – Alaskan town applies:

“Prepare for the worst. Expect the best. And live for today.”

Because even though it can happen to you, I hope it never does.

I just want you to be prepared just in case.

So that you are never in a position of asking somebody the unanswerable question, “What can I do now?”