Rest Day

As you can see, my dog has mastered the rest day.  I, on the other hand, am still learning.

I am most familiar with the concept of a rest day as it relates to exercise; don’t work the same muscle group on consecutive days and build in at least one day a week with little to no vigorous activity to let the body rest and heal.  I used to completely ignore this advice.  After all, if 5 days in the gym is good, then 7 is better, right?  My younger body let me get away with that, but it has now decided to not be so forgiving.  If I push too hard for too long without a respite, I get sick.  Injured.  Anxious.  Irritable. Sleepless.  And, the progress in the gym or on the running trails stops or even reverses.  My body simply throws itself on the ground like a three year in the midst of tantrum and says, “I refuse to go any further.”

Without rest, that is.

The mind needs rest too.  It’s protestations can be more subtle than the body’s: general malaise, feeling down, irritability, uncontrolled eating, trouble sleeping.  All of those can be signs that you have been pushing too hard for loo long without a respite.  Even when in crisis mode, it is critical to take a breather every now and again.  Sometimes the most growth occurs when we back off a bit and simply take a rest day.

You Are Not Your Divorce

Our traumas help to form us, but we do have to let them define us.   You are not what happened to you. You are not your suffering.  The first step in healing is taking ownership of your reactions and choosing to respond in a manner which will help you let go of the past.

You will always see the event as a delineation in your memories; there is a “you” before and a different “you” after that has been changed by the trauma. When you become stuck, you view the repercussions of the event as malevolent and place the responsibility for the changed self on the event.

It happened.  It hurt.  It changed you.  By letting it define you, you simply give it more power.  You have the ability to create beauty out of the pain.

One of the most powerful images I held in my mind during my divorce was that of how I handled a fallen tree in my garden.  I had a large tree come down in an area where I had cultivated a beautiful woodland garden.  Those delicate plants were now exposed to the harsh midday sun and would not survive.  I mourned the loss of the area for a day or so and then I went to work.  I dug up and moved all of the shade-lovers and replanted them in new areas that would still give them the shelter they needed.  I then loaded up my car with sun-loving plants from the nursery (yes, this was the fun part!) that I never had space for before. I was able to create a new, different, but even more beautiful garden where the tree had fallen.

Are you letting your divorce define you? Do you give it (or your ex) the power to control your life now?  This is a choice and you can change your mind.

Consciously Choosing to Move Forward.

8 Lessons From the Campground

Mere days before Thanksgiving, my partner and I found out we had to move within 30 days because his house had just sold.  We had been planning a camping trip over the break and our initial reaction was to cancel the trip, so that we could focus on the move.  I am so glad that we decided to continue with the trip.  Not only did we have a good time and enjoyed the time together, but it actually made the move less stressful because we had lessons that we took with us from the campground.

1) Teamwork Required

One of the best aspects about camping is that it requires teamwork.  Assembling a large tent is a,most an impossibility single-handedly, but becomes a fun challenge when tackled by two.  We quickly fell into a rhythm, working together, sharing some tasks and dividing others.  He would brave the early morning frost to get the fire started so that we could prepare breakfast.  I faced the frigid waters to clean the dishes of their breakfast remnants.  The dog, well, he just laid there shivering in a sleeping bag looking pitiful. We functioned as a team.

 

 

2) Take Pleasure in the Smallest Things

When camping, you certainly have to do without many of life’s modern conveniences.  However, because your expectations are in line with reality, it is not necessary a bad thing to leave that behind.  You learn to appreciate the smallest achievements, the tiniest bit of warmth, a few steps on level ground.  You don’t know when your next bit of pleasure will arrive, so you celebrate each moment of it that comes your way.  And, just so you know, Starbucks VIA works great at a campsite; that first sip of coffee each brisk morning was heaven.

3) Surroundings Don’t Impact You as Much as You Think

I have always been sensitive to my surroundings; I need things “just so” so that I can work or relax.  This can be a problem when moving, because some amount of chaos and disorder is inevitable.  The campground was organized for functionality.  We certainly had beautiful views, but they were not to be had in our immediate surroundings.  But it was okay.  Happiness is not found in a campground that looks beautiful, but is devoid of soul.  I learned to release some of my obsession with my surroundings; they don’t matter as much as I think.

4)Take Breaks

We spent each day on long hikes up nearby mountains.  We had our goal of reaching the tops, of course, but we planned each day with plenty of time to get there.  As a result, we were able to take breaks whenever and wherever we chose.  These are some of my favorite memories of the trip; the times sitting on the side of a mountain, looking out over the vistas, my boys by my side.  Immense pleasure can be found in those moments between activity.

 

5) Share Burdens

Long day hikes require a decent amount of supplies, especially when your partner insists on bringing survival gear:)  We shared the load, distributing the weight so that no one person had too much to bear.  Even the dog has to carry his part.  There is no reason that any burden has to be carried alone; you can even share the load with your dog if need to.

6)  Uphills are Balanced by Downs

Some of those hikes felt like they were uphill both ways, but any loop or out-and-back will have a net elevation change of zero.  Just like on the trails, we are often more aware of the uphills in life, but remember that they are balanced by the downhills.  Make an effort to notice the times the path is easy.

7) Use Your Resources

This is where my partner really shines.  When we realized that one of the tent stakes had broken when we were assembling the nylon beast, he grabbed some supplies from his pack and some sticks from the woods and quickly fashioned a replacement within minutes.  Before declaring a situation beyond hope, look around you and see what you can utilize to help.

8)  It Takes Effort to Gain Perspective

Our campsite was located at the base of Table Rock Mountain, its visage towering over us in all its granite splendor.  Our first day was spent preparing the campground, we were in our little insular world.  The next afternoon after a long, uphill climb, we reached elevation where we could see our campsite and how it related to the larger landscape.  We tend to live life in its details and forget to look at the big picture.  It takes effort to gain perspective, but a climb to the top gives valuable information.  It’s worth checking out now and then.

We took those lessons with us into the move and we try to carry them with us all of the time.

10 Tips to Let Go of the Past & Embrace the Future

Do you find yourself fixated on the past, caught up in the “what if’s” and ” I should haves”?  It is so easy to get lost in that world; it is like a labyrinth made of memories, embracing us in its tangled folds.  Here are some suggestions on how to escape the temporal maze and look to your future.

10 Tips to Let Go of the Past & Embrace the Future.

10 Tips to Let Go of the Past & Embrace the Future

If You’re Spewing Poison, It Means You’re Carrying a Reservoir of It

…and is that really what you want to carry?

An Indian cobra in a basket with a snake charm...
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