Six Ways That Dogs Help Us Heal

Posted on by stilllearning2b

In so many ways, every dog is a therapy dog.

 

1 – Dogs Are a Reflection of Our Energetic State

Watch a dog for any length of time and you will learn things about their human companions. Dogs reflect our inner emotional and energetic state. They become a mirror, often giving us a glimpse into ourselves that we struggle to see otherwise.

In order to have a calm and happy dog, you have to learn how to moderate your emotional state and manage your anxieties. They become a living form of biofeedback. As your breathing rate slows and your thoughts become centered, your dog soon settles and becomes ready to listen.

One of my favorite quotes from Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer” is, “Dogs tell the truth. People tell a story.” And isn’t that the truth. We claim to fine. But our dogs often reveal otherwise.  We would be well-served by listening.

girl-1160441__480

 

2 – Dogs Give Us Unbridled Love

There is nothing like being greeted by a dog when you come home. That open mouth that seems to show pure delight. The wagging tail that carries the enthusiasm through the entire body, too big to be contained. And the immediate request for affection and bonding. They don’t care that you screwed up at work or that you accidentally put on two different socks that morning. Dogs default to acceptance rather than criticism. Which is often a welcome change from the rest of the world.

When you’re sad around a dog, you’re never sad alone. They seem to know when we need a snuggle and they’re not afraid of a few tears. No matter how much we worry that we’re not enough, that we’re unlovable or that we’re not a good person, our dogs help to remind us otherwise. Their love is not contingent on anything other than being a part of their pack.

dog-1149964__480 (1)

 

3 – Dogs Force Us to Step Outside

I can’t tell you how many mornings I step outside into rather unpleasant weather and I’m tempted to give up on my daily pre-work walk. And then I look down at Kazh, whose tail is already wagging in anticipation of the outing despite the weather, and I obligingly lace up my shoes.

Dogs inspire us to step outside – both literally and metaphorically – when we’d often rather hide within ourselves. Their cold, insistent nose nudges us, reminding us that there is life to live and adventures to be had.

They remind us that exercise is important. With their “live in the moment” mindset, they help us to see even the most mundane act as part of a glorious adventure. On walks, they insist on stopping to smell pee upon the roses, a reminder that the journey is as important as the destination.

pug-690566__480

 

4 – Dogs Encourage Interaction With Others

When I run alone, I rarely talk to people. When I run with a dog, I rarely return home without meeting someone new. Dogs are not only social creatures, they are social lubricant. They force us to interact with others even when we’re in a hibernation and isolation mood.  Not only do they encourage interaction, they encourage positive interaction. It’s hard to be grumpy or judgmental when you’re petting a new dog.

We are also social creatures. Our mental health improves when we are around others. We thrive when have established human – and animal – connections. Dogs help to nurture these relationships when we’re struggling to do on our own.

pit-bull-2047469__480

5 – Dogs Help Us Build Confidence

I love teaching children how to walk my pit bull. At first, they’re hesitant. After all, this is a dog that greatly overpowers them on a physical level. And then I explain how the dog responds to confidence. Walk with your head up. Your shoulders back. Stride with purpose and conviction. The dog will listen if you believe in what you’re doing.

Dogs are experts at sniffing out insecurities. If you’re not sure, they have no reason to pay any attention to what you’re asking them to do. But once you learn to believe in yourself? That dog will do anything you ask. And that’s a great motivator to begin to trust yourself.

fuca-2491995__480.jpg

6 – Dogs Teach Us the Importance of Boundaries

Have you ever entered a home that is ruled by the dog? It tends to be pretty chaotic. Like humans, dogs will try to get away with whatever they can. They will test your boundaries.

Many people struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries. They’re concerned about being liked or being perceived as easy to get along with. And so they let others get away with too much. It’s hard to set boundaries with people. They push back, often painfully, by picking at our biggest fears.

Dogs offer up a wonderful training ground to learn how to set and maintain boundaries. They still test us, but we are much less likely to take it personally when a dog tries to sneak up on the couch than when an addict claims, “You’d help me if you loved me.” Our dogs help us learn how to use boundaries. It’s then up to us to use them with humans.

 

This post is dedicated to the dogs of lives. 

These Are the Dogs of Our Lives

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I put up a request on my Facebook page last week for people to share pictures of the pets that supported them through divorce. The submissions were equal parts heartwarming and heartbreaking and throughout, it was extremely clear how important our pets are to our mental health. My favorite pictures were the ones that demonstrated the bond between human and animal; some were powerful images that truly captured the connection. It’s amazing how much joy and comfort these dogs, cats, guinea pigs and even a turtle have brought to the darkest days.

Some shared sad stories about losing their pets in the process of divorce. Those were hard to read because that is still the biggest pain I hold from my own spilt.

Nine years ago, my then-husband left the home while I was on a trip. He didn’t send the text that he was leaving (I guess he needs a lesson on verb tenses) until one to two days later. In the meantime, the three dogs and one cat that we had were locked in the basement with insufficient food and water.

If he hadn’t sent that text, I probably would have returned home from my trip to find them deceased. Thankfully, the notice allowed a local – and priceless – friend to check on the animals and ensure they were taken care of until I arrived back home half a day later.

It was a bittersweet reunion with my pack. I loved them so much and yet, as the reality of my precarious situation made itself clear over the next few days, I also knew that I was no longer able to care for them. Damn. Just writing that still brings the tears. I still feel guilt over my inability to fulfill my promises to them. I still turn over the facts in my mind wondering if there was a way that I could have found a space where I could have lived with them and found a way to pay for their needs. The reality of that time was that I was barely able to care for myself (emotionally, physically or financially). It would have been a disaster for all involved if I assumed the responsibility for the well-being of others at that point.

With the tireless help of friends and family, the three dogs found new homes. Good homes. The cat stayed with me in the priceless friend’s guest room. We were refugees together. When she died from complications of old age a few years ago, it was as though a part of me went too.

My canine savior came in later, just after the divorce was finalized. His name was Tiger, a spirited, strong and wise soul tucked inside one hundred pounds of beautiful pit bull. When we met, I was still struggling. I was so scared. Not of him, but of loving and losing again. I was still unable to trust my perceptions and my instincts after years of gaslighting and so I doubted my ability to handle him in public.

IMG_0872 2.JPG

He knew all of this, in the way that dogs do. But he didn’t judge me for it or tell me to get over it. He just stayed by my side, teaching me that he could be trusted. Showing me that I was capable of more than I thought. And giving me unconditional love in a time when I still felt unlovable. He rescued me.

We lost Tiger suddenly and traumatically last fall. It was too soon. Isn’t it always? It was such a hard day, but I’m glad that I could be there for him at the end. It helped with some of the residual guilt from before.

Kazh came into our lives a short time later. It’s been fascinating to see how different I am with him because I’m in such a better place. Tiger was my teacher. Kazh is getting the benefit of those lessons.

fullsizeoutput_bbb.jpeg

And that’s how it is with our pets. For their brief times, they live beside us through it all. They see the truth behind the picket fences yet withhold judgment, they offer affection when the whole world turns its back and they display a loyalty and fidelity that few humans can match.

They are the dogs (and cats and guinea pigs and turtles) of our lives. Making the good times a little sweeter and helping to guide us through the hard times.

If you have an animal in your life that has helped you through, give them a little kiss of gratitude today. If you’ve lost one, pause for a moment and say, “thank you” for sharing your time with me.

 

 

Just a Little Reminder That Everything is Difficult at First

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Yesterday, we took Kazh to the river for his first swim.

The results were hilarious.

And also a good reminder to all of us that everything new is challenging at first. And that even when it’s hard, it’s important to just keep swimming:)

 

 

Online Dating For Dogs

Posted on by stilllearning2b

We had two dates set up for Wednesday evening.

The first was with a ten-month-old male. His owner needed to part ways with him after the trauma of a breakup and a cancer diagnosis. The other was with a young adult female who had been described by the animal control officer who picked her up as, “The best dog in the world.”

On the ninety-minute drive to meet the puppy, I mentioned to my husband that I was way more nervous about these dates than I had ever been about a date with a man. After all, on my human dates, the only thing at stake was the possibility of another date. A commitment that extended for a few hours and maybe made the decision to end things a little more messy.

But with a dog?

The stakes are much higher.

It’s less, “Hey, I think I like you and I would like to see you again” and more, “Well, you seem pretty cool. How about you move in with me for the next ten years?”

Other than that, the process is pretty similar, whether the companion sought is human or canine. The brief paragraphs describing the potential partner are read and re-read, carefully analyzing the words chosen. The pictures are scanned, trying to determine chemistry and attraction through a few static pixels. Memories of the former partner keep rising to the surface and with them, the inevitable comparisons that you keep swatting away in an attempt to keep your vision and perceptions clear.

Upon meeting, your senses are on high alert, trying to both take in your first impressions and also carefully monitoring for any red flags. There’s the usual awkwardness, as you’re trying to pair up rhythms and form tentative tendrils of nascent trust. There’s the exploratory dance with its unspoken questions: “Do you like me? Do you think we could make this thing work?” and its silent answers: “I do. I think so.”

There’s the strange mix of excitement for the rush of new love and trepidation for changing the status quo. The underlying and pervasion question of, “Am I doing the right thing?” And the fear, that sits heavy in the gut, of opening the heart again when the pain of loss is still so fresh.

We finally pulled up outside the address that was given to us for the first date. We sat in the car, waiting for the reply to the text saying that we had arrived.

I had conflicting emotions. On the one hand, I wanted the dog to clearly not be a good match so that the decision was already made for us. On the other hand, I wanted the dog to be a perfect fit for our family so that we could begin the process of sharing our lives with a pup again. Of course, what I wanted had no bearing on what we were going to find once we went through that door.

The date went well.

Very well.

Within a few minutes, he was responding to my husband’s corrections and a few minutes after that, he climbed into my lap and proceeded to initiate a make-out session.

Apparently, he had made his decision.

And a few minutes later, we made ours.

Welcome to the family, Kazh:)

So now we’re busy forming bonds, building trust and establishing expectations. So far, so good. This online date seems to be a success.

A Picture Is Worth…

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I’ve been collecting some random pictures recently that I was hoping to spin into full-fledged blog entries. But the pictures seem to be piling up and the posts don’t seem to be happening. So I decided to let the pictures (pretty much) speak for themselves.

photo 2-111At the dog park, Tiger’s favorite activity is to hang out in the baby pool and attempt to drown a tennis ball. Be like the tennis ball, no matter how frequently life pushes you down, refuse to stay under for long.

photo-142I look at this picture sometimes as a reminder that slow and steady can still get the job done.

photo-143I had these sweatpants for 16 years. I finally trashed them and replaced them (for a whole $5). How often do we hold onto things long past their usefulness?

photo-144I’m officially an Atlantan now that I’ve made it to the Margaret Mitchell house. I learned that the manuscript for Gone With the Wind was on unnumbered pages stuffed into separate envelopes that had to be edited and sorted. I need to shut up about being overwhelmed.

photo-141When we have assumptions, we don’t allow things to unfold in their own way and time. Stand back and be surprised.

photo-145I started treating myself to blooming bulbs next to my computer during the month of February. It’s a beautiful reminder that spring follows every winter.