Dreading Valentine’s Day?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Over on my Facebook page, I’ve been sharing plenty of Valentine’s Day snark. And it’s been well-received. Because, let’s face it, V Day can be like D Day for the recently divorced.

If you’re dreading a difficult or simply lonely night, pop on over to Twitter and join me and other divorce experts as we answer your questions and calm your fears (while other’s questions will also help to assure you that you’re not alone!).

#DFAMA from 8:00-9:00 PM EST

It’s a free place to go that evening for support and contact with kindred spirits. And you can join us in your pajamas from the comfort of your couch! Hope to “see” many of you there!

New Interview on Sivana

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I have a new interview up at Sivana, a blog focused on yoga and conscious living. Check it out!

And here’s my personal view on yoga 🙂

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Three Questions to Ask Yourself to Extinguish Your Divorce Anger

Posted on by stilllearning2b

The anger bubbled to the surface, blistering under the broiler that was the financial mess my first husband gifted me in the divorce. Every month, as I struggled to make payments towards debt that he had accrued, my body would respond with a vicious energy and my mind would rail against the unfairness of it all.

That anger was poison roiling inside me, its caustic nature wearing away at me, in some ways causing even more damage than he had done with his reckless spending and deliberate betrayals.

Whenever somebody pointed out that my anger was only hurting me, I grew defensive and, yes, angry. “I’m justified to feel this way!” I would insist. “He did these things and left me to clean up his mess. It’s not fair!”

And I was right.

But so were they.

Read learn the questions I asked myself and the answers that helped released the anger.

Forget New Year’s Resolutions! Here’s What to Do Instead

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Did you make a resolution for this year?

Three days in, how are you doing with your resolution?

Still going strong? Awesome!

Or are you starting to think you may have been a bit too enthusiastic with your goals?

The reality is that most resolutions “fail,” not because we are weak but because we are bad at looking at the bigger picture. We craft resolutions that are sprints and then expect them to go the distance. We confuse effort with outcomes and neglect to address the very real obstacles in our way.

Yet we try again each year.

And you know what they say about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results:)

So if your New Year’s resolutions aren’t working for you, try these resolution hacks instead!

 

The Problem With, “I Can’t Wait For It To Be Over”

Posted on by stilllearning2b

“December 31st can’t get here soon enough!”

“2016 just needs to end already!”

“I can’t wait for this year to be over!”

I’m reading and hearing these refrains on an ever-increasing basis. And sometimes I even find myself agreeing. At least in the moment.

But then, I think about other times I’ve felt that way – waiting for my divorce to be finalized, waiting for a particularly tedious plane trip to end or waiting for a difficult school year to wrap.

And I change my mind about wanting to hurry up and get 2016 over with.

When we focus on the end, we neglect to be in the present.

When we label something as “bad,” we have tendency to overlook the good. Whatever you nurture, grows.

When we assign happiness and success to external things, we neglect to make the internal changes needed to do better once the external circumstances change.

Like any other year (or any other thing at all), 2016 has had both good and not-so-good times. It’s not the worst, it’s not the best. It’s a Jackson Pollock of them both. Stand too close and all you see are the individual spots of joy and suffering. But stand back and take it all in and you see the bigger picture. It’s best to spend time at both vantage points.

As we enter the final hours of 2016…

Take time to remember and be grateful for the beautiful moments the year had to offer. And think about how you can cultivate those in the months to come.

Be present and mindful in these final hours of the year. Practice letting go of expectations and nurturing acceptance.

Refrain from assigning any magical powers to a new number. If you want different, be different.