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I Needed Him to Face the Consequences, Yet I Was the One Who Paid

I entered the divorce process like a dizzy and blindfolded toddler attempting to swing at a candy-laden piñata. I had a singular focus, yet unable to see, I fumbled through it and frequently became disoriented even while I was obsessed with obtaining my desired outcome.

One of the few regrets I have is in how I navigated the divorce process. If I had it to do over again (please, God, no!), I would certainly make more an effort to separate my emotions and let go of the outcomes.

But because I didn’t know that the first time, I made these mistakes that ended up costing me.




  1. “I would certainly make more an effort to separate my emotions and let go of the outcomes.” This speaks volumes to me! My ex husband left me (and our children) for another woman and at the time I still loved him. Needless to say, it made for very volatile decision making on how I acted. I look back at that time and i don’t cringe when i think what he did to me, I cringe when i think about my own actions, the facebook message to everyone i was friends with in his family, the arguments with his mother, the emails to him, oh god, the emails. Like that really would have given him the epiphany i thought at the time he would get. Now over 6 years removed, and madly in love with my current husband, all I feel is…..nothing. Not love, not hate, indifference. It’s so much easier to separate your emotions when you have none. Dropping off the kids, sports practices, don’t forget this with the kids, can you pick up XXX from school, etc, etc. that is the most of our contact and all done without a single emotional thought, I don’t care and I’m sure neither does he. I won and I also lost with my anger and revenge at the beginning of the end of our marriage. So i can’t say that it was all wrong to be angry and spiteful. It had it’s purpose and is the reason why I got the custody agreement I wanted, the house (and pretty much everything in it) without paying him a penny for it, my pension fully intact but I also lost greatly as well, the legal fees that i am still paying after 6 years and any resemblance of even a friendship or speaking relationship with him as we raise our children together. We don’t talk, and thank god for texting. but for my children that is a terrible outcome and i think about it and I cringe.

  2. Yes… I kept waiting for karma to dole out the consequences. It didn’t happen. A person destroys another person, their kids’ mother, with zero consequences. Doesn’t seem fair, but if I continued, I would have continued accruing his karma. You have to stop, turn the other way, and walk forward. It’s none of your business anymore. xo

  3. When my ex husband left me for someone else I was broken I wanted to die, I can handle physical pain but the emotional pain was on a diffrent level. I prayed daily for months that he would die( i know not good right) but it has been a year since or divorce and 2 months ago he was in a bad car accident and was life flighted to the hospital and almost died, 50 percent of his body had been burned, it was a car fire. Now I look back and think to myself i wouldnt ever wish that on anyone ever but I hope that there has been a lesson we both have learned from all of this.

    • Oh my goodness. I can’t even imagine how that had to feel seeing the reality of your early wish come close to happening. I SO get that anger- I had the same wish for awhile. I don’t think any of us really mean it (as you realized when the accident happened), it’s just our pain screaming for release.

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