When Will I Feel Better?

“When will I feel better?”

This is perhaps the question I hear the most often.

And it is also the most difficult question to answer.

Because there is no single answer.

Healing does not speak calendar.

Feeling better has nothing to do with lunar cycles or landmark anniversaries.

It operates on a different timeline for everybody, depending upon the circumstances, prior experiences, coping skills and support systems. Some may feel better in weeks, while others take years. One person may appear to be healed while holding in the pain while another wears the pain until it wears off. Feeling better is not linear. It is more the slow decrease of bad moments intermixed with the increase of good than a step by step progression.

Feeling better depends upon perspective. You have to remember how bad bad could be to realize that it’s not so bad anymore. Healing is often subtle. The pain may have come in a great crashing wave, but it recedes like the tide, slowly and often leaving pools behind.

Your progress should not be measure against the progress of others, only against the way you felt in the past. There are no shoulds, no benchmarks to meet. As long as you are making progress, you are okay. You can accept where you are in the moment while still striving to do better.

Some of healing is passive, simply standing by and letting time wash your wounds. But if that is your only approach, you will be limited. In order to truly feel better, you have to take an active role in the process. Fuel yourself with quality food, good sleep, exercise and social connections. Seek out therapy or participate in therapeutic writing.Learn to calm your mind through meditation or yoga or time in nature. Have mantras and goals and scheduled smiles.

The biggest lie we often tell others is, “I’m fine.”

It’s okay to not be fine at all times. It okay to need help or a hug.

The biggest lie we tell ourselves is, “I can’t.”

But you can.

You can feel better.

It may not happen when you want it to.

But it will happen when you need it to.

The way you feel right now is not the way you will feel tomorrow. Or next week.

Find peace in the process and inspiration in the intention.

And you’ll feel better.

 

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17 thoughts on “When Will I Feel Better?

  1. One day you just find that a part of your pain or hurt is gone. Not all of it – and pieces remain, but it’s always good to recognize what you have moved beyond, and what is left.
    Thanks for your words.

  2. All excellent advice as usual, I cannot emphasize enough to others the importance of eating quality healthy food. I have gone so far as to dramatically reduce my gluten intake in an effort to avoid the duality of depression and anxiety and it is working. Nurture yourself after a divorce.

  3. Thanks needed that, tomm would of been twenty nine and all week I have been on pins and needles. I want to scream, I want to forget. I know that after tomm it will get a little better until the next memory. 😦

  4. I find it amazing how you are able to put into words what really happens once you do “let yourself be and feel what needs to be” in the moment and then as soon as that wave is over you try to make little changes before the next set back. I measure my time by my girls school holidays, they break up today for Easter and I am not the same person I was back in January. The only difference made by a slow gradual consistent change in my attitude and perspective. I dare say I am happy these days, compared to the darkness of only a few months ago and all I’ve done is follow a lot of your tips for coping, I’ve changed my perspective, I’ve found “stuff to do”, which in turn is bringing new people and more things to do filling up a big void that was there well before the discovery of my husband’s betrayal. Thank you! 🙂

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