“When will I feel better?”
This is perhaps the question I hear the most often.
And it is also the most difficult question to answer.
Because there is no single answer.
Feeling better has nothing to do with lunar cycles or landmark anniversaries.
It operates on a different timeline for everybody, depending upon the circumstances, prior experiences, coping skills and support systems. Some may feel better in weeks, while others take years. One person may appear to be healed while holding in the pain while another wears the pain until it wears off. Feeling better is not linear. It is more the slow decrease of bad moments intermixed with the increase of good than a step by step progression.
Feeling better depends upon perspective. You have to remember how bad bad could be to realize that it’s not so bad anymore. Healing is often subtle. The pain may have come in a great crashing wave, but it recedes like the tide, slowly and often leaving pools behind.
Your progress should not be measure against the progress of others, only against the way you felt in the past. There are no shoulds, no benchmarks to meet. As long as you are making progress, you are okay. You can accept where you are in the moment while still striving to do better.
Some of healing is passive, simply standing by and letting time wash your wounds. But if that is your only approach, you will be limited. In order to truly feel better, you have to take an active role in the process. Fuel yourself with quality food, good sleep, exercise and social connections. Seek out therapy or participate in therapeutic writing.Learn to calm your mind through meditation or yoga or time in nature. Have mantras and goals and scheduled smiles.
The biggest lie we often tell others is, “I’m fine.”
It’s okay to not be fine at all times. It okay to need help or a hug.
The biggest lie we tell ourselves is, “I can’t.”
But you can.
You can feel better.
It may not happen when you want it to.
But it will happen when you need it to.
The way you feel right now is not the way you will feel tomorrow. Or next week.
Find peace in the process and inspiration in the intention.
And you’ll feel better.