It Doesn’t Matter How You Got Here

Wow.

What a week.

The wedding was simple, personal and beautiful.

The weather cooperated.

The venue cooperated.

The dog did not. He seemed to have trouble understanding the concept of standing still on a woodland path. Instead of turning his gaze towards the camera, he kept looking wistfully at the trail. That’s okay’ we love him anyway:)

We ended up getting married beside a mossy creek on the Ely’s Mill property at the base of the Roaring Forks Loop. It was a magical location, even better than the original – locked up tight behind the national park shutdowns- site.

Change can be good.

We enjoyed a few quiet and scheduleless days in a cabin outside Gatlinburg.

And then we came home and celebrated. A roving and riotous party that spanned from afternoon until morning. Our home, “our” restaurant and finally, “our” downtown filled with the smiles and laughter of our friends. What an amazing night. What a precious gift.

 

I usually take about four naps in the span of a year.

Yesterday, I took two.

I could have used another today.

 

 

I have so many thoughts scratching at the inside of my head, begging to be written. But only one is fighting through the fatigue tonight:

 

The actual ceremony consisted of pretty traditional vows and was led by a pastor that we only met minutes before. I don’t know if he looked at the marriage license and chose his words based upon our not-exactly-super-young ages (36 and 40) or my prior marriage, but one sentence he shared hit us both hard.

“It doesn’t matter how you got here; what matters is here and now.”

He’s right.

And, I’m happy to say, that it is more than just words to me now. I felt at complete peace with my past the entire week. Random memories popped up on occasion (more to do with Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge than wedding stuff), but they passed through easily with no emotion.

I was married before.

It doesn’t matter.

I was left behind.

It doesn’t matter.

I was betrayed.

It doesn’t matter.

None of those things have any bearing on today if I choose not to let them have any bearing on today.

What matters is here and now.

 

When I was unpacking and sorting after the trip, I came across three prescription bottles. They contained the leftovers of the medications that I took that first year to help me sleep and eat and function. I started weaning myself off the medications the day after the divorce and haven’t taken any in well over three years.

But I held onto the remaining pills for all this time.

What if I couldn’t sleep again? What if my appetite vanished again? What if the fear and the pain and the anxiety crippled me again?

Much of the time, I forgot that I even had the vials. But, when I would happen across them, I would always hesitate and then place them back in their bin. I wasn’t ready.

But last week, when I recognized those orange bottles even though the labels had faded to white, I did not hesitate.

I released them.

They are relics of my past.

And they don’t matter.

What matters is here and now.

 

On a totally random side note that gave me a bit of a chuckle, for those of you who wonder how someone can commit bigamy (Getting Away With Bigamy), it’s still pretty easy. I carried an original copy of my divorce decree into the courthouse, thinking I would need it. Nope, I just needed to give them the date the divorce was final. Pretty scary. Kinda makes you wonder how common it actually is…

 

 

 

 

 

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16 thoughts on “It Doesn’t Matter How You Got Here

  1. I’ve been thinking a out you guys a lot since mid-last-week.

    Congratulations, Lisa!

    Until the end of time, people will only be able to tie you for deserving peace and happiness at home.

    In the meantime, I know of no person more deserving. I was so happy to see this post.

  2. Congratulations to you and your husband! Heartfelt thanks for sharing this on a day that has me dealing with some old issues and some current anxiety. This helped more than you know; it gives me hope and reminds met that I am not the only one who deals with these issues. All my best to you always!

  3. Lisa, I smile and thanks God for Tiger’s gaze…he too wanted to move on! He saw all the possibilities ahead for you and Brock…my 4 legged boy, is trying to get me to do the same….he is patient with me….just not ready…. You are were you are- AMAZING! thanks again for the ++++ thoughts for all of our futures

  4. Just checking out your story. Congrats on the marriage! I was standing in your shoes just shy of a year ago. It is such a wonderful feeling to let go of the past and move forward. You are right, it doesn’t matter if you have had a wedding or a marriage before, what matters is the direction you are going. Good for you!

  5. on the opposite of the other bloggers, I have to say, “good luck with that”! I mean nothing against your remarriage or your blog, I wish you happiness. With what you have been through already, I hope the rose colored out look fits!

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