Bad Things Happen When You Aim Instead of Throw

Posted on by stilllearning2b

“Bad things happen when you aim instead of throw.”

I heard this quote on NPR during some story on MLB pitchers. I missed the rest of broadcast as my mind made sense of those words, mental fingers untangling the knot of words.

I’ve been working through a meditation series on anxiety the past month and trying to become better in my “real life” of implementing the mediation strategy of “noting.” This particular series encourages a two-step noting process, where you first identify if you’re thinking or feeling and then further recognize the quality of your thought or feeling – positive, negative or neutral.

And it’s been eye-opening.

The thoughts that tend to cloud my vision are almost entirely of one particular variety. So much so that I added a third option to step one: thinking, feeling or planning.

I barely ever note the first two. The third? It’s a constant note, as though I’m stuttering. Planning. Planning. Planning.

Planning how I’m going to approach this one concept with my 6th graders. Planning when I need to do laundry so that it doesn’t interfere with my other plans. Planning what to wear the next day. And the next. Planning to plan my grocery list. I even find myself planning to return to the breath, once I finish planning of course.

Ugh.

It has a neutral tone, there’s no sense worry or concern in it. But it’s obviously rooted in anxiety, a need to think and strategize for every possible outcome.

I’m aiming ten times for every one throw.

And that’s not good.

In my chosen career as a teacher, I have to plan. This year, with three accelerated preps, I have to PLAN. My days are scheduled down to the minute and I have to plan how to fill every one of them with meaningful content and activities.

When I first started teaching, my plans were rigid. Every detail was fully thought out prior to the start of the day and I would get flustered when an unplanned fire drill unexpectedly eroded away half of second period.

Over time, I grew to trust myself and my instincts in the classroom. My well-written plans dissolved into brief words jotted down in a sequential list or placed into small calendar squares. The mental work still happened, lessons being tweaked in the shower or thrown out on the morning drive, but the obsessiveness about the detail faded as I grew more confident with my abilities and insights.

I relaxed into the planning more, less worried about a forgotten photocopy or dropped detail. I knew that it wasn’t the end of the world. I was aiming and throwing in relatively equal measure.

And then this year happened. And with it, my trust in myself unhappened.

My planning has become all-consuming. Partly of of necessity. And partly (hey, 80% is still part! 🙂 ) from what I put on myself.

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My daily reminder list. I often neglect the last point. My students help remind me:)

At work, I’m succeeding.

In my life, I’ve been too busy aiming.

Duly noted.

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For my fellow math geeks:)

What Happens When You Get What You Want?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Imagine the situation –

Jackie had been extremely heavy her entire life. She tried one diet after another, but nothing seemed to work for long. She faced ridicule, social consequences and health problems because of her excess weight. All she dreamed about was reaching and maintaining a normal size, a size that didn’t hold her back from the life she wanted to have. And so when she was eventually approved for gastric bypass surgery after years of trying, she was elated. Finally, she thought, I will be free of this burden!

But as recent research demonstrates, it’s not quite that easy. Yes, patients that undergo gastric bypass lose the weight and often keep it off. Yet as their physical health improves, their mental health may decline, leading to an increased risk of suicide following the procedure.

At first glance, this makes no sense. The societal consequences of obesity are well documented and it seems logical that the patient receives more positive attention after surgery. An increase in self-confidence would be expected as a lifelong goal was reached and it’s easy to imagine an increase in overall well-being as limitations due to weight are lifted.

So why is it that after finally getting what they want, gastric bypass patients are more likely to take their lives?

It’s because of what happens after we get what we want.

The human brain has evolved to make sense of complex situations. One of the ways this is accomplished is by distilling complicated matters into a short list of easily understood bullet points. This trait usually serves us well as we learn algorithms and shortcuts that help us with everything from mathematical processes to the best route to take to work.

But when it comes to happiness, this attribute fails us. We all too easily blame our unease or our despondency on one single thing – our job, our marriage, our finances and yes, our weight. All of the negative feelings are assigned to that one scapegoat, along with a focus of eliminating or altering that designated fall guy from our lives.

And as long as that blamed thing remains unchanged, we have hope. Hope that once that thing changes, it will create a vacuum where happiness will pour in.

But when we get what we want? When we secure the dream job, lose the hapless spouse, improve our bottom line or finally get that firm bottom and the expected happiness doesn’t materialize?

We can begin to lose hope.

Because that single distilled bullet point, that one thing that we had been so focused on, didn’t lead to the expected changes. It’s a letdown. Sometimes a devastating one.

Of course the reality is that it was never really about that one thing anyway. You can be miserable in a good job or happy in a miserable one. A struggling marriage can certainly impact your well-being, but it is never the only factor on your overall outlook. Financial security can help to cushion life, but as we all have heard, it can’t buy happiness. And as for the weight, I have heard so many now-thin people say, “I’m still a fat girl/boy in here,” as they sadly pat their hearts.

All of this doesn’t mean that achieving your desired life is impossible.

It just means that it doesn’t end  – or begin – with getting what we want.

To prevent that letdown after getting what you want (presented in an ironic short list of bulleted points 🙂 ),

  • Be realistic about the impact that one thing has on your overall well-being. Don’t over-assign blame.
  • Be careful not to shirk responsibility. Happiness is an inside job. No outward change will be sufficient.
  • Plan for the reduction in focus/momentum after obtaining your desire. Have something at the ready for your attention.
  • Accept that achieving your optimal satisfaction is an ongoing process with a multitude of moving targets. Keep practicing.
  • Don’t put too much importance on getting what you want. After all…

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The Sun Is Always Shining (Even When Clouds Are In the Way)

Posted on by stilllearning2b

One of my favorite analogies in mediation compares thoughts to clouds passing across the sky. It is often mentioned that the sun is always shining even when its light is temporarily obscured. Similarly, negative or anxious thoughts do not mean that there is not light, it just means that you cannot see it for a time.

Meditation teaches you to note the clouds without judgement and without trying to change them. It teaches you to trust that they are temporary and also inevitable. It teaches you to be at peace in the shade and also to be aware and grateful for the moments of light.

The literal sun, along with the first fall temperatures of the year, blessed the final few days of my fall break. It was enough to convince me to put off some responsibilities and instead head up into the mountains to play.

 

And play was exactly what I needed:)

Feeling grateful for the opportunity and the reminder that the sun is always shining even when clouds are in the way.

Ten Empowering Thoughts to Hold Onto When It’s All Falling Apart

Posted on by stilllearning2b

1 – You only know what you have experienced. So when today is worse than yesterday, that’s what you see. But today is not prophetic about tomorrow. Replace, “Life sucks,” with “Life sucks right now.” Maybe the best is yet to come.

2 – Losing everything is excruciating. And it’s also freeing. It’s a special place where you have nothing left to lose, nothing more to fear. The worst has happened and you’re still breathing. That’s pretty awesome, isn’t it?

3 – You’re wiser now. More attuned to others and more in tune with yourself. That’s a gift to be grateful for.

4 – Every change is challenging at first. You’re learning. Adapting. Growing stronger. You won’t be the same person you were before. You’ll be better.

5 – A book without plot twists becomes quite boring and predictable. The same can be said for life. Think of the stories you can now tell!

6 – Difficult times act as a sieve for friendships. You now know who really has your back. Pay more attention to the ones who stepped up than the ones who stepped out – they’re the ones who deserve your attention.

7 – Pay attention to those moments when you feel alive and whole. The sunshine on your face, the smiling eyes of a child, the overwhelming beauty of the moon reflected in the water. Invite them in. Sit with them. Celebrate them. They’re often more plentiful than we realize.

8 – Letting go is scary. We feel like we need to grasp onto what we know. But some of the best places can only be reached by taking a leap of faith.

9 – Other people’s actions say more about them than about you. Don’t get those two things confused.

10 – When gratitude is your wrapping paper, everything is a gift. See the good around you, even if you have to squint;)

 

 

 

Guest Post: How Life’s Struggles Shouldn’t Rob You Of Its Joy

Posted on by stilllearning2b

My grandmother has faced so many enormous struggles in her almost 100 years on this earth. And it seems she has emerged from each one wiser and more joyful. Not because of the struggles, but because of her determination to not allow the bad days to steal her smile.

When my own bad days threatened to consume me, I thought of my grandmother and her continued joy. It seemed like a good mindset to strive for.

Guest poster Dave Scott has also reached that mindset and he shares with you his story along with some encouragement to keep your smile bright.

How Life’s Struggles Shouldn’t Rob You Of Its Joy

Life has never been easy for me.

There’s never been an ‘simple-street’ that I got to live on.

My journey on this earth has been one challenge after another, and it often times seems like one monumental conflict.

Can you relate?

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.

Tourette Syndrome

When I was seven years old, I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome (TS).

Tourette’s is a neurological disorder that involves uncontrollable repetitive movements or unwanted sounds, called tics.

Some tics that are common to those with Tourette’s are repeatedly blinking the eyes, shrugging shoulders, or blurting out offensive words.

Ever see the Rob Schneider movie, Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo? There’s a scene where he goes on a date with a lady that’s afflicted with TS. It’s actually a hilarious scene, but definitely not for little eyes, if you know what I mean. This scene will give you an idea of what TS is..albeit a bit skewed.

TS isn’t catchy, or dangerous. I got because someone in my family has it. It’s a genetic disorder. And it sucks.

Because I was diagnosed with TS back in the 80’s, there was very little knowledge about the disorder. Many of those in my life were incredibly ignorant about what I was going through. (my family excluded; they were amazing)

I was labeled a “trouble-maker” and “weird” by school counselors, and mercilessly picked on from the age of seven through middle school. (the harassment died down the bigger and older I got)

TS is a part of me. I embrace it. I don’t run from it. I also don’t have any super-crazy symptoms that you would notice, today.

But if you ever notice me doing a weird motion with my face, I promise I’m not chewing on lemons.

Chunk

If you’ve ever watched the movie The Goonies, you’d undoubtedly remember Chunk. He was the main character’s best buddy, and he was also the resident chubby kid.

I resembled Chunk’s body-type from about eight years old until I turned twelve. At twelve, my body leaned up and I’ve been the same, semi-fit shape ever since.

As you know, kids can be cruel. Not only was having Tourette’s tough, but I was overweight as well. It’s like having two strikes against me for the kids who enjoyed making fun of others.

I got into fights (just a few), struggled with depression, felt lonely and sad. I was suicidal and a very angry young man.

Being overweight was nothing short of terrible, coupled with having Tourette’s.

A brush with death

To add to the messiness of life, I then almost died in horrendous skiing accident in December of 1994. I was skiing over Christmas break with my brothers and was attempting to keep up with them.

Trying to keep up with my brothers was my first mistake, as they’re both much better athletes than I am.

In my feeble attempt to chase them, I decided to hug inanimate object, while traveling at a high speed.

I was rushed to a regional hospital where I was immediately thrown into surgery.

While on the operating table, my blood pressure dropped and my heart stopped.

Twice.

I had lost so much blood because of internal bleeding that my heart was fighting to keep beating. I didn’t know any of this, of course, as I was sedated during surgery, but found out afterwards.

Post surgery, I’ll never forget the conversation with the doctors. I remember the doctors giving me their grim prognosis. They told me that I may not walk again, and probably wouldn’t run again due to the injuries. (I fractured my hip, shattered my pelvis, and broke my tailbone)

Life was not awesome in my teens.

I’m also not sure which was worse: being diagnosed with a weird, neurological disorder, the consequences of being overweight, or being paralyzed for a period of time.

The encouragement of your experience

During all this, I heard something incredibly profound.

I heard a pastor say “your experience is your testimony.”

This is one of the wisest things I’ve ever heard. The meaning of this nugget of wisdom is simple: your journey in life, however tumultuous, is a period of time that when shared, can encourage others.

My life-experiences have shaped who I am, today. I’m proud of them. I’m grateful for them, despite the pain.

But my story, and yours, shouldn’t be be kept a secret. The intent is to share them, with the appropriate persons and under the right situation.

The trick is to use your experience as a tool to encourage others to rise above their current pain and become better.

Not finding joy

It’s hard to find joy when you’re in a heartbreaking season. There was a time that I was miserable, going through what I did.

You might have a lot of unhappiness in your life. The idea of joy in your everyday routine may seem like a distant memory.

You might have a physical ailment that’s limiting you. You may be suffering from some rare physical condition that’s not ideal. Or you might have a terrible addiction, or be in a marriage that’s completely dead.

Perhaps you’re living through a time of financial or professional stress. Maybe you’re about to become an empty-nester as your child goes off to college only to be faced with the reality of having to get reacquainted with your spouse after years and years of putting the needs of your kids first, and your marriage second.

Whatever you’re going through, there are definitely plenty of reasons that can keep us from finding joy.

You have 2 choices

As humans we were created with a thing called freewill.

Whatever your circumstance, you have the power of freewill, which is the ability to make choices that affect your overall mindset.

When faced with these times, we have 2 options:

  1. Let your circumstance consume you with fear, anger, and self-doubt.
  2. Choose to use your current condition to as a stepping stone to something bigger.

When the doctors gave me my grave outlook, I was angry. I was so angry. But within a year, I was running, jogging and playing soccer. The joy I found took years to find. I had freewill and made the decision to change my mindset, and as a result, the joy came over time.

With my Tourette’s, instead of avoiding people in public for the fear of ridicule, I chose to walk with my head high and chest out, with a sense of God-given confidence that no one could shatter.

I was determined not to let what I was going through define me or keep me down.

What’s your mindset?

Or are you depressed and playing the victim? Or are you willing to approach life differently by choosing joy, instead of being defeated?

Is your choice to simply say ‘I can’t‘, thus self-defeating yourself before you get started, or is your decision one that finds joy in a mindset that lives in confidence that you can accomplish anything through the power of your Creator.

It’s okay to be emotional

Let me add a disclaimer here, so you don’t think that what I’m saying is some kind of always-be-positive-mantra from a Joel Osteen book, or a Deepak Chopra meme.

It is more than okay to be emotional, when facing a difficult period in your life.

In the book, The Emotionally Church by Peter Scazzero, he’s very clear about grieving. Grieving is a natural part of our DNA as humans. It’s how we were created.

Grieving, and more importantly grieving your limitations, is normal and should be celebrated.

It is okay to allow grief and sadness to be a part of your emotional journey, in order to get through hard times. You need to allow this to be a part of your emotional process.

But you can’t live here forever.

Bitterness, anger, and generally treating people around you like a jerk, is not part of the healing process when experiencing hardships.

And perhaps that’s you. If you’ve spent a period of time in your life, whatever the length, being mean, letting bitterness, anger and frustration rule your emotions then you have some apologizing and reconciling to do. I’d encourage you to do some introspection and then create a list of people that you need to reconcile with, because chances are you’ve allowed your feelings to hurt those around you.

Again, it’s okay to be emotional and extend yourself grace. We are often our worst enemies when it comes to self-criticism. So go easy on yourself, and instead have a plan to grieve, and then eventually you’ll heal and be able to successfully move forward.

Don’t rob yourself

In life you’ll encounter trials. You’ll have moments where you simply want to give up, because you’re facing insurmountable odds. Times where the joy may seem like complete darkness.

But it’s not. Joy is present. It always is.

What are you facing today that is requiring a mindset change, and a good dose of joy?

What joy can you find in your life?

 

self1Dave Scott is blogger, writer, and marketer currently living in Fargo, North Dakota. Dave grew up in the Minneapolis and St. Paul area and is a father, husband, son, and lover of technology. Dave’s not an expert or a guru. He just thinks you’re awesome and want you to know that, too, by writing about topics that inspire and encourage others.