States of Matter

Posted on by stilllearning2b
English: The liquid helium is in the superflui...
Image via Wikipedia

Which state of matter best describes you?

Solids are comprised of tightly packed molecules.  They are rigid, holding their own shape.  The atoms that make up a solid are stuck, their movement compromised by the proximity of their neighbors.  If you are a solid, you are fixed in your life.  Your environment does not impact your shape, as you resist influence from your surroundings.  If too much resistance is applied, a solid crumbles and fragments, but it takes quite a bit for this to occur.  Solids are consistent, yet their stalwart nature can make them vulnerable to fragmentation or erosion.

The particles that form liquids are freer to move, yet they posses cohesive properties that encourage them to remain in proximity to each other.  The defining characteristic of a liquid is that it takes the shape of its container.  If you are a liquid, you allow the environment to shape you, yet you maintain a a sense of self held in the solidarity of your component parts.  You naturally flow, yet can move against the pull of gravity when effort is applied.  You are resistant to pressure, yet accepting of influence.

Gasses are the free spirits of the chemical world; their particles enjoy total freedom at the expense of identity.  The atoms and molecules in a gas will expand to fill its container as they bounce around with no thought to each other.  If you are gas, you push against the constraints of your environment, constantly looking for a way out.  The application of pressure simply intensifies this effect.  You are free, open to anything, yet may not have a developed sense of self, as your component parts do not blend.

States of matter can be changed.  Apply enough heat to a solid and it softens, liquifies.  Apply too much perhaps, and you lose your substance as it evaporates.  On the other hand, compress freely moving molecules hard enough, and you transition them to a liquid and eventually a solid.

In my own life, I strive to be a liquid.  I want to be unified and have a definable self, yet I want to be open to influence.  I desire to be able to relax and go with the flow, yet also be able to move against the current at will.  The pressures I have faced have forced internal cohesion and the warmth from those around me has kept me soft and pliable.  I try to monitor the dials and switches on my internal chemistry set to maintain this optimal balance despite the impact of the environment.

 

Change

Posted on by stilllearning2b

As your body adjusts to the time shift this this week, let it be a reminder that, although change is uncomfortable, you will adapt. Find the glory and beauty in your new normal.

Teflon Thoughts

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Coat your negative thoughts with Teflon and let them slide right through.

Wrap your positive thoughts in grip tape and let them stay.

20120308-072019.jpg

You Are Not Your Divorce

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Our traumas help to form us, but we do have to let them define us.   You are not what happened to you. You are not your suffering.  The first step in healing is taking ownership of your reactions and choosing to respond in a manner which will help you let go of the past.

You will always see the event as a delineation in your memories; there is a “you” before and a different “you” after that has been changed by the trauma. When you become stuck, you view the repercussions of the event as malevolent and place the responsibility for the changed self on the event.

It happened.  It hurt.  It changed you.  By letting it define you, you simply give it more power.  You have the ability to create beauty out of the pain.

One of the most powerful images I held in my mind during my divorce was that of how I handled a fallen tree in my garden.  I had a large tree come down in an area where I had cultivated a beautiful woodland garden.  Those delicate plants were now exposed to the harsh midday sun and would not survive.  I mourned the loss of the area for a day or so and then I went to work.  I dug up and moved all of the shade-lovers and replanted them in new areas that would still give them the shelter they needed.  I then loaded up my car with sun-loving plants from the nursery (yes, this was the fun part!) that I never had space for before. I was able to create a new, different, but even more beautiful garden where the tree had fallen.

Are you letting your divorce define you? Do you give it (or your ex) the power to control your life now?  This is a choice and you can change your mind.

Consciously Choosing to Move Forward.

(In)closure

Posted on by stilllearning2b
English: Inside the Zanana Enclosure
Image via Wikipedia

When my husband first left me with a text message, I was outraged.  I felt impotent, my voice stolen from me just when I had so much to say to him.  How could he leave me and give me no answers?  How could he disappear and not let me talk?  For months, I sought solace in the thought that I would be able to take the stand in the felony bigamy trial against him and again in the civil divorce case.  I held tight to the thought that he would have to face me then.  Then I would have my say.  Then I could have closure.

As events unfolded, I learned the bigamy would be settled with a diversion and no trial would be forthcoming.  The divorce ended much the same way; I saw him, but was not allowed to speak to him.

So, there I was.  Eight months had passed since the fateful day.  The two opportunities I saw for closure had come and gone.  I was at a crossroads; I could either come to terms with never having closure, or I could seek closure within myself.  I chose the latter.

The problem was, even though I had committed to a path, I had no idea how to move forward.  I thought about what would need to be true for me to not be stuck in the past, mired in the muck created by the whole experience. First, I realized that I would need to find a way to reframe the experience in a positive light.  That naturally paired with the wellness journey that I was on and that I help to guide others along as well.  I would need to have a clear picture of who I was in the marriage and what I could learn from going forward.  I knew that I would need to take back my voice, not to talk to him, but to share my story in a way that could help others.  Finally, and most importantly, I realized I needed to soften towards him, replacing some of the anger with compassion.  That last part was the hardest (and sometimes still is).

As I worked on these goals, I found that I began to develop a peace about what happened.  It gave me ownership and took me out of victimhood.  It shifted the power to me and I no longer needed him to find closure and move forward.  I found closure within.