I Can’t, I Won’t, I Don’t and I’ll Never

Posted on by stilllearning2b

  I really did have a great marriage.  In retrospect, though, I’ve realized that he never really challenged me.  I am not saying that as a dig against him, or claiming that the responsibility was his, it is just how it was.  I could easily say “I can’t, I won’t, I don’t or I’ll never” and he never questioned it.  It was comfortable.  I developed a rather static view of myself, content to be what I was in many areas.  I did push myself, but only in areas where I was comfortable pushing (which are never the areas that need improvement, are they?).  Even though this was a lesson I didn’t want to learn, I  learned the value in pushing oneself in the areas that cause discomfort.  It just might surprise you (as it did me) how many of those, “I wont’s” become “I can’t wait to’s.”

Here are some  of the items that were on my “can’t” list that are now on my “bring it on” list:

-riding a motorcycle (sorry, mom!)

-running a race (warning – these are addictive)

-eating spicy foods (I now have to restock chili powder and Tabasco every couple weeks)

-enjoying sports (don’t mention last week’s playoffs…)

-learning to play chess (I’m still pretty crummy, but it’s progress)

-kissing another man (strange at first, but not too hard to get used to)

-cooking (see “I’m Not Martha Stewart…”

-having a dog again (you’ll hear more about this one later)

-trusting again

-loving again

It is not the responsibility of those in our life to push and challenge us; it is something we must take on ourselves.  As a teacher, I am fully aware that growth occurs when I keep the students slightly uncomfortable, just a little beyond where they want to go.  Likewise, we can grow when we take ourselves beyond what we think we can do.  What can you transfer from your “I can’t, I won’t, I don’t, and I’ll never” list?  How can you challenge yourself?

Five Reasons My Cat is Smarter Than Me

Posted on by stilllearning2b

My cat, who has been with me for the last 15 years,  has never been known for her intellectual prowess.  However, I had recently had to admit that she is, in fact, smarter than me for the reasons enumerated below:

1)  She Know How to Nap

My cat can go from full-on gecko chasing mode to comatose in no time flat.  She never has to read or go through elaborate rituals to fall asleep.  She never complains that her to-do list is too long to rest for a bit.  She doesn’t worry if the bed (or couch, or floor) isn’t “just right.”  She simply sleeps when she wants.  Maybe next time I want to nap, I’ll try chasing geckos first.

2) She Lets Her Needs be Known Clearly

Now, granted her needs are fairly simple: food, water, and a clean litter box, but, nevertheless, she always makes sure her caretakers know what she needs.  She doesn’t hint around or expect mind-reading, just vocalizes to garner attention and then leads the nearest human to the vessel that needs attention.

3) She Accepts What Is

I have to admit, I am  making some assumptions here, but I think  it is safe to conclude that Ms. Kitty is not spending time comparing her current situation to her past.  She exists completely in the “now” and doesn’t ruminate on the “then”.

4) She Has Learned Not to be Anxious

Maddy used to be an anxious feline; she even had to be sedated for a cross-country move when she was a kitten.  In fact, every move was very stressful for her.  She and I recently completed our fourth move in two-and-a-half years.  With each move, her anxiety over the situation decreased.  She seemed to understand that even though the ordeal would be stressful and that change was imminent and inevitable, she had survived this before and would again.  So, there is no need to get all “fight and flighty” about it, just go with it and enjoy the exploration of the new.

5) She Trusts Her Intuition

This is where she really has me beat.  In the last several months of my marriage, Maddy seemed stressed.  She slept more, she wasn’t as affectionate, and she even avoided the dogs which were normally her buddies.  Looking back, I was also anxious during that time, though I ignored it since I saw no rational reasons to be upset.  I had a mental image of what was, and as the human brain is so apt to do, I ignored or explained anything that caused any cognitive dissonance.  Cats don’t operate that way; they simply see what is.  In our current home, with her new daddy and doggie brother, I am happy to say that Maddy is more relaxed and more social than she has ever been.  I’m going to trust her on this one.  After all, she is smarter than me.