court ordered

This is a follow up to Court Ordered Pause.

Wow, you all (or perhaps I should say ya’ll…after all, I am a Texas gal!) gave me quite a bit to think about yesterday. Thank you for the responses from around the globe.

Some of the prolonged waiting periods feel absolutely horrific. My divorce took 8 months due to stalling on the lawyers’ part ($$$) and my ex refusing to cooperate (not producing documents, etc.). Those were the longest and scariest 8 months of my life. I was still subject to his financial and emotional abuses and lived in fear of what bombshell would come in the mail or via the phone each day. I can’t imagine that lasting for years.

It seems like most people are supportive of the reasoning behind a waiting period, but that the actuality is something different. As much as I would like to think that it could be beneficial, I guess it is more likely that in marriages where both partners are willing to communicate and try to work things out, they already have prior to reaching the decision to divorce. And, in cases where they have not, a court order is not going to make them cooperate and it simply becomes a stall on the way to the inevitable conclusion. The courts can control a timeline but they cannot control a person. And, as we all know, it takes two to make a marriage work but only one can destroy it.

Many of you pointed out that there is no waiting period for marriage and suggested that a pause on the front end of matrimony may be more beneficial. I can’t even fathom rushing into marriage, but I know people do. This raises some of the same questions, however. Should there be a process for exceptions (for example, friends of mine fast tracked their wedding because he was undergoing treatment for cancer)? And, again, do we really want the state to make this decision for us?

In an ideal world, people would enter marriage consciously, communicate and work to resolve issues and, if divorce is inevitable, enter into it only after other options have been explored and exhausted. But ideal isn’t real. All we can do is make the best decisions for ourselves and our families that we can in our given situation. As for me, I’m happy to be moving slowly back into matrimony with a guy that doesn’t believe in rushing into divorce while living in a state that allows me to make my own choices on the matter.

Brock and I were in the car the other day when an ad came on the radio for a local divorce attorney (these have increased lately – I guess there is some truth to this being “divorce season”).

I barely registered the ad, but apparently Brock was listening.

When the ad came to an end, he turned to me and said, “I think there should be a mandatory six month waiting period for divorce.”

(Note: I know some states currently have a waiting period; Georgia is not one of them.)

I was shocked. Not at the thought, but at the subject matter. Contrary to what you may think, I rarely discuss divorce in my personal life.

My first reaction to his statement was a sense of comfort. I want to marry a guy that thinks divorce should not be a quick and easy solution. I want to marry a guy that doesn’t have a propensity to run away from a challenge. I want to marry a guy that wants to be married.

But it’s not always that simple.

“In most cases I agree with you,” I said, “But in my situation or in cases of abuse, that would have been an additional assault by the courts. It would have left me open to more financial harm while I waited on the calendar.”

I continued, explaining my thoughts on the issue. I like the idea of a mandatory waiting period, be it six or twelve months. It gives both parties the gift of time. Time for counseling. Time to think through the consequences of a major decision. Time to work out the details of the separation of two lives. Ideally, this would be done prior to the decision to split, but we know that is not always the case.

I also think there needs to be an exception. In cases of abuse or abandonment, a waiting period only prolongs the agony and allows more harm to occur. I think there should be a process (that does not require excessive court fees) where the abused or abandoned spouse can appeal for the wait period to be lifted.

But then there is another part of me that thinks it is none of the state’s business. That I should be allowed to marry and divorce without their approval. Is this a slippery slope issue that could lead to more government control or is it a mandate that would help to preserve the family structure?

I would love to hear from all of you. Do you live in a state with a mandatory wait period? How did that affect you?

Do you agree with a wait period? If so, how long? Would you want exceptions?

Follow Up – Court Ordered Pause: Part Two

Share this:

Share this: