It is normal for your marriage to be at the center of your social life. You have a built-in activity partner. You share friends. The “plus one” is expected when you receive an invitation.
And then the marriage dies.
Your go-to is gone. The mutual friends may be divvied up like a bag of Skittles, or they may simply scatter as though the bag of candy was dropped to the floor.
It is tempting to hide. To hibernate. You may want to pull the covers over your head and not come out until the debris field has been cleared. It’s tempting, but it won’t help you heal. Think of the skin under a bandage that has been left on too long. Is that what you want your heart to look like? Click here to read the rest.
I’ve never been more grateful for friends than I am now. I’m lucky to have friends who encourage me and listen. I’ve also got the , “lets go to a dance club to meet chicks,” kind of friend. Then there’s the friend who says, “go talk to her man, you’re pretty much single now.” I believe their intentions are good but talk about too soon and no thanks… I’m thankful for all of them but it’s the friends who can relate, offer good advice and understand what I am facing that help the most right now.
Reblogged this on My New Life.
I was pondering my post divorce schedule to see if I could think of any other types of friends, but I think you’ve got it all covered… Oh, perhaps there is also the ‘I’ll save you’ friend, which may also be the ‘true friend’. The one that seems to know when you’re at your wit’s end and on your last legs and turns up at your door with surprises whether it be a coffee, a bottle of wine, dinner or an old copy of Dirty Dancing for you to watch while you cry into said wine and pick at your dinner 🙂
🙂
The problem I have? My friends are all around the country, none where I live. It has made for a very difficult transition.
That does make it harder.
My family (and, to a lesser extent, friends) are also spread out. I used social media to stay in touch and actively went looking for interactions where I lived.
Are you able to visit them or have them come to you?
One has come to me at my lowest point, she saved my life I think. I found though, my work has created a terrible hole, I have no social circle at all where I live, this is making me nearly a shut-in right now and is forcing me to truly assess what I want and what I need. It has been a rough three months.
Thank goodness for you wonderful friend!
Do you have Meetup.com in your area? A gym you can join?
I am a member of a gym, I am waiting for my doctor to release me back. Soon as he does (hoping this month) I will return. This is a hard one though, body image issues make me really introverted. To difficult to discuss and I don’t want to take your entire blog over.
Meetup? Yes, and I have started to look at them. Soon as I crawl out of the worst of my hurt I will start to reach into them. I think I simply had too much pile up at once. Now I need to mourn all the loss.
Understand. I hope you find Meetup to be a positive influence.
One of the things I did when I was in a similar position to you was spend time at the same coffee shop a few times a week. I rarely interacted with people, yet seeing the same (usually friendly) faces again and again made me feel like I was part of a community.