One of the aspects that had been the most difficult for me to deal with is the realization that I was fooled by my husband. Conned. I felt (and still feel) like a fool. In my latest for Huffington Post, I describe some of the lengths my ex went to as he crafted and covered his other life.
If my husband had been Pinocchio, his nose would have been a giant redwood. While we were married, I thought he was a real boy. Once he disappeared, I learned otherwise. Read more here.
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 
You are correct. Two of the biggest hurts for me have been firstly that i have felt conned, fooled. The second that he was not the person I thought he was. I wonder sometimes how long those two things existed.
It is so hard to discover that your reality wasn’t real. I think the best thing we can do is remember the good parts about the past and not worry about their veracity. That will only drive us crazy!
So true