Five Reasons My Cat is Smarter Than Me

My cat, who has been with me for the last 15 years,  has never been known for her intellectual prowess.  However, I had recently had to admit that she is, in fact, smarter than me for the reasons enumerated below:

1)  She Know How to Nap

My cat can go from full-on gecko chasing mode to comatose in no time flat.  She never has to read or go through elaborate rituals to fall asleep.  She never complains that her to-do list is too long to rest for a bit.  She doesn’t worry if the bed (or couch, or floor) isn’t “just right.”  She simply sleeps when she wants.  Maybe next time I want to nap, I’ll try chasing geckos first.

2) She Lets Her Needs be Known Clearly

Now, granted her needs are fairly simple: food, water, and a clean litter box, but, nevertheless, she always makes sure her caretakers know what she needs.  She doesn’t hint around or expect mind-reading, just vocalizes to garner attention and then leads the nearest human to the vessel that needs attention.

3) She Accepts What Is

I have to admit, I am  making some assumptions here, but I think  it is safe to conclude that Ms. Kitty is not spending time comparing her current situation to her past.  She exists completely in the “now” and doesn’t ruminate on the “then”.

4) She Has Learned Not to be Anxious

Maddy used to be an anxious feline; she even had to be sedated for a cross-country move when she was a kitten.  In fact, every move was very stressful for her.  She and I recently completed our fourth move in two-and-a-half years.  With each move, her anxiety over the situation decreased.  She seemed to understand that even though the ordeal would be stressful and that change was imminent and inevitable, she had survived this before and would again.  So, there is no need to get all “fight and flighty” about it, just go with it and enjoy the exploration of the new.

5) She Trusts Her Intuition

This is where she really has me beat.  In the last several months of my marriage, Maddy seemed stressed.  She slept more, she wasn’t as affectionate, and she even avoided the dogs which were normally her buddies.  Looking back, I was also anxious during that time, though I ignored it since I saw no rational reasons to be upset.  I had a mental image of what was, and as the human brain is so apt to do, I ignored or explained anything that caused any cognitive dissonance.  Cats don’t operate that way; they simply see what is.  In our current home, with her new daddy and doggie brother, I am happy to say that Maddy is more relaxed and more social than she has ever been.  I’m going to trust her on this one.  After all, she is smarter than me.

Myths? …or mythical thinking?

The article, 3 Myths About Happy Marriages on PsychCentral introduced myths that are based on the work of John Gottman, Ph.D and his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I think these myths, although possessing some truth, are a bit of a slippery slope.

Myth 1: Better Communication Will Not Save Your Marriage

If the marriage is on rocky footing, talking will not bring in the rescue copters.  And, as the article states, it is difficult to remain calm and rational in the midst of a perceived attack (I know those “I” statements well, after growing up with a counselor for a mom, and even I can’t maintain that poise in a heated discussion).  My concern comes from the implication that communication is not important;  that a marriage can exist in the spaces between withheld information.  I cannot work well with a coworker when there is not adequate communication; I’m not sure how a marriage is supposed to thrive.

Myth 2: Avoiding Conflict Will Kill Your Marraige

Not every need can be expected to be met, and sometimes conflict is just because of a grouchy mood,but there is a danger to not addressing legitimate concerns.  In retrospect, I realize that my marriage was conflict-avoidant; I tended to shy away from problems due to anxiety and my ex-husband refrained from conflict in order to not trigger my anxiety.   As a result, the problems grew too large for anyone to face.

Myth 3: Reciprocity Underlies Happy Marriages

I once knew a couple who kept a scorecard on the fridge to keep track of the “he dids” and “she dids.”  I don’t think they were very happy!  However, I do think reciprocity is essential in a marriage  in terms of mutual respect, and that this respect takes the form of acts of service or kindness for the other person.  Tallies shouldn’t have to be drawn, but each person should be operating with the other in mind.

All marriages are different (my current relationship is quite unlike my marriage in many ways), but I think that each of these myths has a place in a healthy relationship.