Five Empowering Ways to Recover From Gaslighting

I’ve written about why gaslighting is the worst. Here’s just a snippet:

It’s horrifying when you realize that the person you love, you trust, has been slowly and intentionally lying and manipulating you. It’s like that nightmare you had when you were 5 where Santa Claus suddenly turned into a monster. Only this monster is real and you shared a bed with them

Of course, if you’ve lived it, you already know that.

So here are five things that you can do now to help you recover and to allow YOUR light to shine bright again!

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13 thoughts on “Five Empowering Ways to Recover From Gaslighting

  1. This couldnt have come at a better time for me. Last weekend i mustered the courage to ask for a separation from my husband of 14 years. After being gaslighted for so many years, I was shocked when he willingly agreed. Initial acceptance was followed by couple of days silence, now the gaslighting has begun yet again. Murking the past, making me believe things to have happened that never really did, pushing the blame onto me. I almost changed my mind on the separation believing his version to be true. Then had to go back and think about all the reasons i asked for one in the first place. It takes a lot of strength and will power while dealing in such a situation. Not sure how this will end, but this post was really helpful.
    Thanks!!

    1. Glad it helped. Stay strong. And hold on tightly to those reality anchors! Have you made a written list (for your eyes) of the reasons you believe ending it is the right call?

  2. Your post accurately describes what happened to me. In the end I had to break off all communications. Even a simple text about my daughter returning from the Peace Corps became an attack. Our ex-spouses live in a very messed up world. As I now say, my divorce gave me my happiness back once I cleared all the legal wrangling.

  3. Perfect timing with this post! I am being gaslighted and starting to rebuild my self esteem and self worth.

    Thank you for shining on a light on a very dark subject.

  4. Great read and gentle reminder that I am NOT crazy. I didn’t realize i had let myself be gaslighted…I thought i was being a super supportive wife. Then one day I had an “epiphany”; I had somehow found myself isolated and alone. Each day I get a little stronger. And I couldn’t agree more-cut ties 100% so that you can heal properly and fully. I’m truly looking forward to the day I no longer second guess myself and trust my instincts again! have a great weekend

  5. Gaslighting is such messy business and especially hard to recover from when you’re still required to have contact with the perpetrator. I’m constantly surprised at the residual effects of it even years after I’ve removed myself as fully as possible from the relationship. For example, I have this one male friend who has some crazy life experiences. Whenever he talks about his past a small part of me thinks he’s lying. I know he’s not…well, I’m 95% sure he’s not, but that kernel of doubt is always there.

    I really liked your suggestion to create a reality anchor. I’m going to try that one.

  6. After 7 years of experiencing Gaslighting from my husband, I finally made him move out. Sad thing is… the process has been really hard and it tugs at my heartstrings to do it. Deep, deep in my soul/gut/innermost being I KNOW I’m being manipulated, though. I’m sticking to my guns through this separation process and I wrote these 5 items down on a post-it note. I have one on my office desk, one in my car, and I’m putting one up on my fridge as a constant reminder that I need to trust myself. Thank you for this list! I’m sorry for how you came to be such an “expert” on the subject, but I’m thankful to have your insight/experience to guide me through my journey…

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