You’re Not Special

23 Responses

  1. atexasmist says:

    I used to think the same thing! My details (of course) were/are different from yours. It’s been less than a month since we ended our 24 year marriage. He was abusive. Mainly verbal. Not uncommon… BUT for 20 of those years he was a Pastor. (Not so common)
    I believed that no one understood what I was going through because of the details… I honestly do not know when or where I finally let down that wall. But I am finding so many people surrounding me who KNOW what I’m feeling and going through. This is an excellent post. Thank you for writing it.

  2. atexasmist says:

    Oh, and group hug back

  3. I love that line “you’re not special and you’re not alone”. I think it’s human nature to think that one personal pin is unique. We can sympathize with other. We may even think we can sympathize with other; but that intimate understanding of pain (and even happier emotions) is something we can only fully understand through personal experience. It’s just the way we’re made.

    Sadly for me, my escape was alcohol for at time, but I later turned to exercise.

    One of the best things probably did was joining a local social club. As fun as the drinking and socializing was, meeting people with similar experiences who just wants to “get back out there” was the biggest eye-opener for me.

  4. bettylaluna says:

    What a statement of liberation…who would have ever thought that recognizing we’re not special was what would ultimately set us free!

  5. 'Just a Boy Scout and a paycheck...' says:

    Thank you for this post. This is a point I need to embrace; I wasn’t special to my ex; and the resulting pain isn’t special either.
    Thank for sharing your experiences.

  6. pithewaterwarrior says:

    Lisa, stop being in my head and writing out my thoughts before I can! 🙂 I will have to link this article into my next article because you far more beautifully articulate what I was trying to communicate. I swear that article was written before I read this. I promise you it has been with my editor for weeks. Love, and group hugs to everyone who has fallen off the special pedestal and joined the ranks of humanity.

  7. pithewaterwarrior says:

    I was wrong and you wrote your article long before me, so I have linked your article in and given you the credit.

  8. pithewaterwarrior says:

    Hi Lisa, my article has been published on the Good Men Project and I reference you twice, and link to two of your articles!

  1. July 20, 2014

    […] You’re Not Special. […]

  2. November 10, 2014

    […] It’s funny how freeing it can be to realize that you’re not special. There is a comfort to be found in accepting that we are more alike than we think. […]

  3. January 25, 2015

    […] I am just as guilty of saying “I understand” to someone, that just occurred to me. A girlfriend is enduring a horrible “tsunami divorce”  and because I too have gone through one, I keep telling her I understand. Do I really? No, because I am not her: I didn’t have two young children when my ex abandoned me and I didn’t grow up with the divorce of my own parents stigmatizing me. My friend occasionally says something that reminds me of how alienated she might be feeling because of her specific situation. I can hear myself in her, that cry of “I don’t feel understood by you despite what you are telling me.” I can only identify with her possible emotional responses. Which is probably good enough, because none of us are really that different from another, and this is a good thing as outlined by Lisa Arends in “You’re Not Special.” […]

  4. December 30, 2018

    […] From You’re Not Special: […]

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