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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce


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Whenever I stumble across the words “affair-proof,” my mind responds like the Incredible Hulk — raging and ready to rip. Now, don’t get me wrong, I wish I could find solace in those words and place my faith in their sanctity.

But I can’t.

Because there is no such thing as an affair-proof relationship.

It simply doesn’t exist. And pretending that it does only causes additional pain and heartbreak.

Implied in those words is the understanding that if an affair occurs, the betrayed obviously did not perform his or her duties effectively to affair-proof the marriage. It places the blame for the infidelity squarely on the shoulders on the one who was cheated upon. Read the rest here.

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7 thoughts on “Affair-Proof

  1. I think the choice of words here is crucial. You are spot on regarding the impossibility of making a relationship 100% “affair-proof” and the reason is because it takes both spouses’ commitment to make it work. That said, if anybody – and I mean anybody – ever blamed the BS for the WS’s actions, they should be smacked, or tarred and feathered, errrrr…something like that. Seriously.

    I wonder if this is some sort of bastardization of the truth that relationships [especially long term relationships] can become anemic over time due to some/all of what you mentioned above (as well as a few others). Are there really people out there that actually believe the “s/he made me do it” defense? Really?

    My sentiment also applies to the false defense of “the other woman/man made my spouse cheat.” I call bull. That WS made their *own* choice and nobody forced them. We all make our own choices as you stated above and this false logic is another form of denial and failure to take responsibility for one’s actions.

    Fault and blame are arguing beside the point anyway. The underlying problems of the relationship are what they are. Both partners own the problem, however, they also own their individual actions/reactions.

  2. Once again an insightful and spot on post. I was actually thinking about this before I checked my reader as I reflected upon all the bad advice I got to keep my marriage going and then all the judgement I received when it ended. You cannot control another person, their choices are their choices. It is thinking that “blames” infidelity on the faithful spouse and one prone to disillusionment if you think you can go into a marriage and control the outcome single handedly.

  3. For years my husband told me that if anyone cheated in our marriage, it would be me, as no one would be interested in him, I had more opportunity, etc. But I didn’t. He did. It was a choice I chose not to make, but I had no control over his. Sad. – Fawn

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