That Exasperating Dress

Don’t worry. I’m not going to post a picture of it. Or even enter the debate about what color it is. If you’re anything like me, by late morning yesterday, you were ready to scream anytime you caught a glimpse of that picture (or one of its thousands of farcical spin-offs) or anytime someone mentioned a particular color combination.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m pretty sure that any search engine in the next couple days will be happy to show you a picture if you simply enter, “dress.” Fair warning – I’m not responsible for what happens. Once you’ve seen it, you’ll never be the same again.

I saw internet conversations go from confusion and curiosity into all-out rage wars. Even amongst my usually polite and educated friends. I witnessed screaming matches between middle-schoolers as they all waved their phones in others’ faces. And I’m sure that somewhere within the reach of this dress, words turned to fisticuffs over the debate.

From a scientific standpoint, I find the situation interesting. It speaks to the importance of lighting in how we see images and it reveals differences in our visual processing.

From a psychological standpoint, I find the situation fascinating. Look at how threatened people become when their truth is called into question.

Even when it’s about nothing of consequence.

I spent the day avoiding the dress and seeking out the responses. I soon noticed people fell into two camps: they either quickly began to question themselves and their own perceptions or they vehemently denied that the opposing view had any merit and insisted that their perception was the correct one (often gathering “evidence” to support their claim). And to be fair, there was a third group. Most definitely in the minority, and not nearly as verbose as the others, there were a few people I encountered that truly seemed not to care one way or another.

That first group is comprised of the group-thinkers. They are aware and receptive to the ideas of others. They respond with empathy and are willing to reconsider their own viewpoints if evidence points to the contrary. Taken too far, and these are the martyrs and enablers that will subjugate themselves at the will of another.

The second group are the game-changers. They are stubborn and can effectively communicate and enforce an idea. These are the people that are not afraid to stand alone as long as they stand for what they believe in. And sometimes, as in the case with every new invention or scientific theory, they’re right. Yet if this trait gets out of control, these are the ones that turn into bullies or narcissists, unconcerned about others and unwilling to reflect upon their own beliefs.

And that third group? They’re just going to quietly do their own thing no matter what scuffle the others engage in.

It’s just a dress. And an ugly one at that.

But often the smallest things contain the biggest truths.

Say Stress to the Dress

I am a grown-ass woman. I have degrees. I’ve won awards. I can go on national television. I can do home repair. I’m generally pretty confident in myself and my appearance. So why is it that some 22-year-old working in a formal shop can make me feel about as insecure as a teenager in front of her first crush?

Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself.

The wedding is slated for October. It will be a very simple affair – a private outdoor ceremony in the Smoky Mountains followed by a dinner celebration at our favorite restaurant back in Atlanta. No pomp. No circumstance. No stress.

Well, other than the dress.

I’m not really particular about the “look” of the wedding, but it is important to Brock. Even though I still have several months, I wanted to try to find a dress today. Partly because I had a day off work but mostly to leave myself plenty of time in case it became more difficult than expected. I asked a friend to accompany me and to act as a guard against those scary 22-year-old dress sellers.

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Not the shoes I’m wearing but they’re good for a laugh:)

For my first wedding, I ventured into a Dillard’s alone and found a prom dress for $98. It had a satin bodice with some contoured seams and a long chiffon skirt. It was simple, elegant and cheap. It was perfect.

I wanted something similar again. It’s difficult with second weddings. I chose a ring, a dress and a wedding location the first time around that fit me. I don’t want to repeat that but those same aesthetics still appeal. My idea was to go to the mall and scour the racks of formal (non-wedding) dresses and hope for a similar find.

My friend suggested that a stand alone store that specialized in wedding attire first. She had been in there previously and remembered that they had some budget-friendly items.

I felt like I was walking in to some five-star hotel designed by Disney. There were glitter and rhinestones everywhere. The place was full of employees, dressed head to toe in black, scurrying around to attend to their charges. There were brides everywhere, most accompanied by their moms, choosing dresses and accessories. Everything was over the top and designed to make women feel like princesses. Along with the princess price tag. After talking with the consultant (I’m assuming that’s the proper term), we learned that their dresses started at $2,000.

Started. At. $2,000.

Who buys these things? After saying our “thank you’s,” we promptly left and got into my car (current value – not much more than $2,000).

After touring a few department stores at the mall, we knew we were on the right track. Our last stop? Dillard’s. And they came through again. Even in that more relaxed environment, I was still tense. Sometimes, I don’t understand myself. I’m completely fine trying on bikinis. No sweat. A formal dress? Yeah, that brings out all of the body insecurities. I feel silly in super feminine things with my athletic build and casual nature. It can be frustrating to have arms and shoulders that burst seams and to have trouble fitting my lats into a dress. Would it be out of place to get married in a bathing suit in the mountains in October? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

To complicate matters, I’m weird about spending money. Especially on myself. I feel guilty. Somehow I don’t feel like I’m worthy of spending money on. It’s frugality mixed with a dash of neurosis. I wish I could find a way to keep my thrifty ways but nix the guilt.

I only ended up trying on one dress. It’s formal but not bridal, which apparently is good for a 90% discount, as it was only $200. It’s simple and elegant and relatively cheap. But it’s different than before. It fits my frame, showing off my muscle in a flattering way and the sleeveless style gives my shoulders endless room to move. I can borrow jewelry from my friend and I should be able to find shoes once the weather warms up. Mission accomplished.

So now the dress is hanging in the closet waiting for its fall debut and my blood pressure is slowly returning to normal. I should be okay now as long as those 22-year-old dress consultants stay away:)