A Note of Gratitude

Posted on by stilllearning2b
gratitude

I wanted to take a moment to extend a note of gratitude to all of my readers, both those of you that have followed the blog from its inception over five years ago and those of you that just recently signed on. You’re all an important part of this site.

I have heard from so many of you, describing your raw emotions and challenging situations and in many cases, relating your triumph over such hardship. I grieve with you when you share your sorrows and I celebrate with you when you find freedom and peace. And I admire the strength and determination that shine through your words.

I am thankful for the ideas you give me for posts, both offered explicitly and those suggested in your replies. Without all of you, my well of ideas would have dried up long ago.

I especially appreciate those of you that are so generous with reaching out and helping other readers, offering encouragement, advice or even just a, “Me too.” I’ve always visualized this as a place where everyone can extend a hand to help someone who is a step behind. In that way, we can all make it through.

Thank you for your support, both of this blog and of each other. Without you, this site would not exist.

With humble gratitude,

Lisa

How to Air Your Dirty Laundry

Posted on by stilllearning2b
I often receive messages from people who are contemplating starting a blog documenting their own divorce journey. They are usually nervous about discussing such personal detail in a public forum (me too!). And they have questions for me. Sometimes really good concerns, like the ones below.
Here’s my advice for those contemplating a divorce blog. I’m no expert. I screw things up a lot. But I do have several years experience now sharing my personal life with others (Why I Write).
Frankly, I’m kinda nervous to go through my writings and remember things I’m happy to have forgotten.
Yeah, it sucks. I cried a ton while writing the book and I’m still known to cry while writing (or even re-reading) certain blog posts. But it’s cleansing. The writing helps the processing and the repetition helps lessen the sting. We often want to hide from the pain, to pretend we are healed before we really are. If you read it and it still bothers you, you’re still holding on to the pain. The only way to truly heal is to go through it.
I’m nervous about looking pathetic and/or vengeful and/or vindictive
Some people will always read you that way. You should see some of my HuffPost hate mail. I finally realized that it’s their own garbage talking. But most people reading you will be going through their own divorce and they’ll get it. Trust me, we’ve all had some pretty powerful revenge fantasies. Don’t slander but also don’t be afraid to speak the truth of your emotions.
Over-sharing (maybe somewhat related to the above). there are things that divorced people fantasize that I assume would horrify the general public.
Create your own boundaries and stick to them. For example, I’ll share anything about my ex/former marriage (except his identity – read why) but I’m much more careful with my current marriage; much of that is off the table. As for the content, I’m not afraid to speak the brutal, harsh truth. It’s reality sometimes. An important note here – if your divorce is not final, most attorneys will tell you not to share publicly.
Something about letting sleeping dogs lie
I thought about that one myself once I entered into a stable relationship and had done most of the healing. However, I realized that it’s important for those of who have made it through and are willing to share our stories: beginning, middle and hopefully not-the-end.
The possibility that repercussions could involve her posting her own commentary that escalates things in a public forum.
It’s a risk. I don’t worry about that since mine has a felony warrant – it makes a nice “gag order” 🙂 Always assume that anything you write online (even if posted anonymously) can (and most likely will) be found by your ex and his/her family. If you have kids, they may see it too. Keep that in mind.
Since my documentation is almost exclusively emails to various people or gchats or text message, it is very personal and colored with visceral anguish. i wouldn’t know how to turn these into something along the lines of a palatable blog.
Just write. It’ll shape itself over time as you find your voice.
However, going with a “just the facts ma’am” approach, i’d fear being too cut-and-dried/black and white/matter-of-fact/sterile, and where is the catharsis in that? 
People respond more to emotion. Let your fingers be a conduit for your feelings.
Getting my facts messed up (he-said-she-said, second-hand communication, etc.)
Don’t worry about it. All memory is fallible.
Writing is one of the most effective strategies for dealing with divorce and loss. Sharing your story add another dimension: dialog with others, the sense of being part of a community and an opportunity to help people in a similar situation. However, sharing is not without risk. Make sure you plan ahead before you hang your dirty laundry out to dry on the internets.

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The Power in Our Stories

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Have you ever realized how powerful your story is?

We craft them and then they shape us, each imprinting upon the other until it unclear where we end and our stories begin.

We use our stories to inform others of our core selves and beliefs.

We use our stories as parables, passing along wisdom and advice.

We use our stories to inspire others, transmitting hope and motivation.

We use our stories to find clarity and purpose in life’s events.

But we also use our stories to guide ourselves into becoming what we desire.

Our stories are powerful alone and even more powerful together.

 

I’m excited about this selection of upcoming guest bloggers. It is a diverse group – men, women, parents, childless, fresh from divorce and further along the path. I hope you enjoy them but, even more, I hope their stories help you grow and enrich your own.

I would like to extend my utmost gratitude to those that shared their posts and also to those who read them. Life – and blogging – is better with friends!

Take care of each other and I’ll “see” you soon.

Lisa

 

 

 

 

Guest Posters Wanted

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I’m stealing this idea from Matt over at Must Be This Tall to Ride. He has lots of good ideas. And this is one of them.

I’m going to be away from my computer for a week or so next month. Instead of trying to write posts ahead of time while writing them for now (yikes!) or recycling my old stuff (yawn…) or letting the site go dark for several days (scary!!!!), I’m looking for guest posts to feature.

Lots of you are writing some great stuff about topics that relate to my site and from a different perspective than I have (like those of you with kids – tip of the hat to those who tackle parenting).

Please, please, please write something for me!?!

shrek_cat-wallpaper

Here are the specifics:

-Posts can be any length, but I would prefer that the content be original (not already published on your blog).

-The topic is up to you; however, I won’t publish something that is simply ex-bashing with no greater purpose (although I commiserate!)

-Please proofread before you send; I’m the world’s worst at picking up (and making!) typos.

-Include any pictures that you want with your post, a short bio and links to your site and any other social media you use.

-For those of you that blog anonymously, that’s no problem. Just craft your bio how you want:)

-email your submission to lessonsfromendofmarriage@gmail.com by July 2 (procrastinators – that’s a hard deadline!!).

-If I like it and think it’s a good fit, I’ll set it to publish on my site with links on all of my social media and I’ll let you know the date that it will go live.

Thanks in advance and I look forward to seeing some great work!

Lisa

What a Difference

Posted on by stilllearning2b

What a difference two years makes. Two years ago, my first piece was published on The Huffington Post. Before that, I was a fledgling blogger with few followers (if you want a giggle, go back and read my early stuff – it’s pretty funny). Overnight, or so it seemed, my name started appearing in search engines (little creepy…) and I started getting calls from folks in the media (sometimes creepier). It was strange. Exciting, but surreal. I did not consider myself a writer (the book wasn’t even finished) and I was surprised and often touched (and sometimes disheartened) by the responses.  I had been anonymous before the HuffPo piece and, all of a sudden, my life was laid bare. Talk about vulnerable.

Now, I can’t imagine my life without writing; it is a core part of who I am. And, I’m super excited to announce that two years after my first big break, I have another one. My writing will now be appearing on Maria Shriver’s website, which is billed as sharing “Inspirational Stories for Architects of Change.” That is a message I can certainly get behind. I am honored to be a part of the site and of that mission.

So, check out my first post there (and please share!) and be sure to look around her site if you haven’t yet. There are some amazing posts there that will inspire you to design and build the life you want.

I also want to extend a great big “thank you” to my loyal readers. Writing is best when it is shared and I feel blessed to have so many people reading and sharing.