The Problem With, “I Can’t Wait For It To Be Over”

“December 31st can’t get here soon enough!”

“2016 just needs to end already!”

“I can’t wait for this year to be over!”

I’m reading and hearing these refrains on an ever-increasing basis. And sometimes I even find myself agreeing. At least in the moment.

But then, I think about other times I’ve felt that way – waiting for my divorce to be finalized, waiting for a particularly tedious plane trip to end or waiting for a difficult school year to wrap.

And I change my mind about wanting to hurry up and get 2016 over with.

When we focus on the end, we neglect to be in the present.

When we label something as “bad,” we have tendency to overlook the good. Whatever you nurture, grows.

When we assign happiness and success to external things, we neglect to make the internal changes needed to do better once the external circumstances change.

Like any other year (or any other thing at all), 2016 has had both good and not-so-good times. It’s not the worst, it’s not the best. It’s a Jackson Pollock of them both. Stand too close and all you see are the individual spots of joy and suffering. But stand back and take it all in and you see the bigger picture. It’s best to spend time at both vantage points.

As we enter the final hours of 2016…

Take time to remember and be grateful for the beautiful moments the year had to offer. And think about how you can cultivate those in the months to come.

Be present and mindful in these final hours of the year. Practice letting go of expectations and nurturing acceptance.

Refrain from assigning any magical powers to a new number. If you want different, be different.

 

 

 

 

 

Top Ten ‘Lessons From the End of a Marriage’ Posts of 2016

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2016 was filled with questions about how to deal with narcissists (and other difficult people), how to create emotional distance from your ex (especially when they have the audacity to remarry) and how to take control of your own life and happiness. All important questions.

Did you miss any of these popular reads?

 7 Reasons Discovering Your Ex is Getting Married is the Worst (and 7 Reasons It’s Not)  Because even though we may not want them anymore, it’s still hard to realize they’re moving on.

Finding Happiness After An Unwanted Divorce It begins with an awful realization – that your marriage is ending and you cannot stop it. Where do you go from there?

How to Accept the Apology You Never Received Often times the people that harm us the worst are the same ones who refuse to apologize for their transgressions. Let that be their problem, not yours.

How to Fall Out of Love Sometimes the relationship ends before your love does. And it’s painful to still love someone who no longer loves you. Here’s how to let go.

Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated by a Covert Abuser I felt weird writing this post, expecting people to belittle the signs I saw in my ex. Instead, I was surprised to find that many people experienced similar wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Why “How Could You Do This to Me?” Is the Wrong Question to Ask This piece was inspired by one of The Four Agreements – “never take it personally.” It’s amazing what happens when we can separate someone’s actions from ourselves.

Five Empowering Ways to Recover From Gaslighting Because gaslighting is the worst. Learn how to find your own truth again.

8 Reasons Relationships Move Too Fast (and Why You Should Slow it Down) A lot of people find themselves in a runaway relationship train. This post will help you understand why that happens and give you ideas to regain some control.

Is It Love? The False Dawn of a Rebound Relationship The first relationship after divorce can be powerfully intoxicating. It can also be incredibly damaging. Learn the difference.

Phases of Moving On After Divorce Apparently, I’m not the only one who experiences impatience:) Moving on can’t be rushed and certain things have to happen before other steps can be taken.