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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

Are You Tired of Hearing, “It Will Be Okay”?

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“It will be okay” is sometimes a platitude, uttered in ignorance by people who have not ever tried on your shoes, much less walked in them. And that pat phrase, along with its twin, “You’re never given more than you can handle,” can spark ire in the one who is in the midst of the very-much-not-okay and there-is-no-way-I’ll-be-able-to-handle-this. It those cases, “It will be okay” feels dismissive, empty, hollow. A brush off followed by a watering down.

But those speaking in ignorance aren’t the only ones to share that phrase. Others come from a place of experience. They’ve been on the floor amongst the ruins of their life. They’ve lost everything and felt that overwhelming ache of the unfilled void. As they listen to your cries, they are transportated back to their own fresh pain (when nothing ever felt like it would be okay again) and they contrast it with where they are today (okay or even better).

And when they tell you, “It will be okay,” they’re speaking from experience. Not ignorance.

Sometimes we think of “okay” as “the same as it was.” And that will obviously never happen. In my mind, “okay” means adaptation to the change, accepting what is and building upon that base. “Okay” doesn’t mean that there isn’t loss, that there isn’t pain. It means that the loss is no longer all-consuming and the pain is no longer your identity. “Okay” doesn’t undo what was done, it doesn’t erase the past. “Okay” is a place of hope, a whisper that tells you one more breath, one more step. “Okay” means that the way you feel right now is not the way you will always feel because everything changes, even pain. “Okay” says that no matter what has happened, you can still find happiness and peace.

Everything really will be okay.

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20 thoughts on “Are You Tired of Hearing, “It Will Be Okay”?

    1. I think it has to do with where you are in the process. At first, I couldn’t handle people telling me “everything will work out” and “don’t stress about the agreement and remember, years from now it will be just words on the page.” At the time, I couldn’t believe that could be true but now with years of experience these are the
      mantras I tell myself regularly. The bottom line is that no one outside of yourself will give you want you need to feel better, it has to come from within, on your time and in your language. Be your own best advisor. Peace to you all. ~ Claire

      1. Thank you, it has been many years now and I’ve moved on. And I realised then that the only person who can work through this is myself. I got there in the end!

    1. They believe you will be okay. They see your strength. Your resilience. They trust in your ability to adapt and transform. Maybe they’re been where you are and now are okay and they know that you too can follow a similar path.

      I relate it to my experience as an 8th grade teacher. I often see my students’ potential at a developmental time when they cannot yet see it in themselves. My job is to help them see it and believe it.

      When people tell you that you’re going to be okay, they’re looking at the big picture. It’s hard to see that when you’re still facing an impossible brick wall. Try to find comfort in the fact that they believe in you while you find yourself again.

      You got this!

  1. I was just thinking about this recently. I have a friend who has had a bad breakup and it clearly in a lot of pain. I know a lot of people told her “it will be okay.” But, I was telling her from experience. At the time everyone told me that it would be okay. I wanted to believe it, but my life just seemed so hopeless. Well, 4 and a half years later, I am okay. In fact, I’m better than okay. It just happens on a different timeline than what we want sometimes.

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