Be What You Want to Attract

We have a friend who is recently back in the dating scene. When asked what he is looking for, he describes a woman who is motivated, smart, stable and successful. Sounds great, doesn’t it? His problem is that what he attracts doesn’t tick off all four of those desires. She may be smart, but unmotivated, content with the status quo. Or maybe she is successful but also unstable, acting as a drama conduit into the relationship. He knows that these women exist; he sees them every day. He just can’t understand why he does not seem to attract them.

Relationships are not like magnets. With dating, like attracts like. In other words, be what you want to attract.

The reason that he is not finding what he desires is that he does not yet fulfill all of those listed categories himself. Before he can find the woman of his dreams, he has to first turn himself into the man of her dreams.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is entering relationships with the intent of changing the other person. Relationships always require change and compromise. But not for your partner. For yourself.

In the best relationships, your partner does not try to change you. Rather, you want to change yourself in order to be better for your partner.

The first step in dating is deciding what you want and then taking an honest look at yourself to see if you are what you want to attract. If you want motivated, do you continually work to improve yourself? If you want stable, do you avoid needless drama and have your life together? If you want happy, are you happy? If you want trustworthy, do you act with integrity? If you want fit, are you able to turn away from the doughnut table?

If you’re having trouble attracting the men or women you would like, look at the commonalities of those you do attract. There are clues there that will alert you to your own areas of need. Do you repeatedly draw people who always seem to be in crisis? If so, you may have an intensity set point that is too high. Are you attracted to people that always seem to need to be taken care of? Perhaps your own well-being is based on being needed and your own sense of self-worth needs some work.

The partners in a relationship should not complete each other; they should complement each other.

If you want a healthy relationship, the first step is making yourself a healthy individual. Remember – like attracts like. When you’re awesome, that’s what you’ll find.

 

 

Thank you for sharing!

14 thoughts on “Be What You Want to Attract

  1. Carrie Reimer – I think everyone at one time or another thinks, "If I only knew then what I know now." I share my life experiences in hopes a few less people have to look back and want a "do over". Through my Lady Witha Truck blog I have spent over 10 years sharing my experiences while being in an abusive relationship with a man I consider to be a narcissist/psychopath and through my other blog, Reimer Reason I share lessons learned throughout the 60+ years of my life. No experience is a waste as long as you learn from it and if I can save someone else from making the same mistakes I made, then it makes it all worth while. I am an expert on my life, not yours, my opinions are my own, not yours, and I enjoy open respectful communication on most topics. If I don't have an answer I will research it until I do. I have a sweetheart of a dog named Stella, an 8 year old Pitbull, Mastiff cross. I am artistic, enjoy bringing new life to antiques, gardening, refurbishing and repurposing other people's "garbage", reading, writing and being outside in nature. I have a 38 year old son who I am extremely proud of and a 10 yr old granddaughter I don't see near enough. I live on welfare disability after a lifetime of working full time because I have heart failure. I have gone from being a homeowner and landlord to being homeless and living in my car and now live in a 34' 5th wheel RV trailer that I am fixing up, bought by my brother and mother. I believe life would be far less stressful, and drama filled if we all just lived honest to our core self and listened to our gut. I have found inner peace, something I didn't think truly existed. It isn't what most people think it is.
    Carrie Reimer says:

    Amen to that!! I always shake my head when people fall in love with someone who “will be perfect once they change (whatever)”
    I know a man who got involved with a woman who loved him “exactly as he is” but wanted him to quit smoking, quit drinking, change his career, he is a night hawk, he hates TV she goes to bed religiously at 11 every night and watches TV every evening and excepts him to join her.
    Now he is miserable because he isn’t able to be himself.
    How can you say you love someone when you want to change everything about them?

    1. Because it is all too easy to fall in love with the idea of someone! Especially at the beginning of a relationship when the best foot is forward and the worst one hidden:)

  2. Sacred Journey – Gerton, North Carolina – I write from the inspiration of the Divine in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina. It's hard not to be inspired by nature and her beauty. It's impossible not to notice the love that's right in front of us each day. I write because I must. It has become a direct channel from Spirit. I thank you for stopping by and joining me in these words.
    momentswithmillie says:

    Excellent article.

      1. Sacred Journey – Gerton, North Carolina – I write from the inspiration of the Divine in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina. It's hard not to be inspired by nature and her beauty. It's impossible not to notice the love that's right in front of us each day. I write because I must. It has become a direct channel from Spirit. I thank you for stopping by and joining me in these words.
        momentswithmillie says:

        I’m well. Hope you come up at some point.

  3. This is going on tomorrow’s healing Itinerary: list desires. Then list ways to become desires.

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