10 Things Your Decision to Get Remarried Says About You

Posted on by stilllearning2b
“A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”
 
Samuel Johnson
1 – You’re Optimistic
You’ve been there, done that. And yet you stubbornly believe that it can go better this time. You don’t allow past experience to poison your hope for the future.
2 – You’re Courageous
You’ve made the decision to put your heart on the line again. You know you’re taking a chance and you believe the risk is worth it.
3 – You Trust Yourself
You have faith not only in your choice of mate, but in your ability to navigate through rocky marital waters. Furthermore, you trust that you’ll be okay no matter what happens.
4 – You Don’t Give In To Failure
You got knocked down, but you got up again. You see failure as an opportunity, not a death sentence.
5 – You Know When to Walk Away
You’ve now seen all sides of a marriage and you have a better grasp on when to try harder and when to walk away. You’re more confident in your choices.
6 – You Refuse to Let One Event Define You
You have been though divorce but you don’t see yourself as the divorce. It was simply one chapter of your life’s path. And one chapter doesn’t limit the next one.
7 – You Believe That You Can Have More Than One Love
You’re not limited by the idea of a single “soulmate.” You believe that life can bring with it more than one true love. And that the second one can be even better than the first.
8 – You’ve (Hopefully) Learned From Experience
You have faced the mistakes you made in your first marriage and you have addressed the issues that you struggle with. You’re now applying this wisdom.
9 – You’re Not Afraid of Hard Work
You know that marriages, especially second marriages, require continuous (and often uncomfortable) effort. And that doesn’t scare you. You’re ready to put your gloves on.
10 – You’re Adaptable and Don’t Fear Change
From single to married to single to married, you’ve made many changes. You’re flexible and willing to adapt in order to have the relationship you want.
Be sure to also read 10 Things Your Decision to Stay Single Says About You!

How to Be Patient With a Procrastinating Healing Process

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I really thought something was wrong.

Ten weeks after injections had been fed into my misbehaving veins in my calves, I am still dealing with raised and angry lines along the side of my legs. There are hard and twisted ropes just under the skin, like alien marionette cables were inserted into my flesh while I slept.

I had my first doctor’s appointment this morning since the last procedure. And I was nervous. Anxious about the results of the scan.

Convinced that the healing process had gone awry. Or simply wasn’t going at all. Worried that something must be wrong with me and the way my body was recovering from the trauma.

On the one hand, I knew that this was going to be a process. A long-term outcome in a quick-fix life. But still, I reasoned, this reaction of mine had to be over-the-top. A deviation from the norm.

I waited nervously as the ultrasound wand passed from my thigh, whose healing had already been verified by scan and by results, to the painful calf in question.

Ready for judgment.

Ready to hear that I wasn’t progressing as expected.

Ready to learn that I was stuck. Or even worse, somehow moving backwards.

Instead I heard, “Beautiful. Textbook,” from the technician that scans dozens of legs a day.

It was only my lack of experience and perspective that made me fear my healing was somehow abnormal. Off track.

Because that’s the thing about healing. It’s stubborn, operating on its own schedule and its own trajectory. It’s nonlinear, taking side roads and switchbacks instead of the most direst route. It’s slow, always taking longer than we desire or expect. And it’s a procrastinator, putting off the big changes until later.

And the best way to stay patient is to gain perspective through the eyes of those who have seen it many times before.

Who can assure you that you’re okay. That what you’re experiencing is normal. That even though it may not feel like it, you are making forward progress. And that at some point, the process will be behind you.

And then you can help provide that needed perspective for others.

—

Funny enough, the leg that has been causing me the most trouble the past several weeks is now “done,” all of the misbehaving veins identified and neutralized. The pain was a sign of healing. While the other leg, largely quiet these past weeks, has been hiding more problems and will require further treatment. I guess it is the silent ones you have to watch out for:)

 

 

 

101 Completely Normal Thoughts to Have During Divorce

Posted on by stilllearning2b
divorce normal
  1. My life is over.
  2. So this is what feeling gutted feels like.
  3. The bed feels so empty. Cold.
  4. There’s nobody to complain about crumbs in the bed. Cookies!
  5. Ugh. Now I’m bloated and still sad.
  6. Am I going to be alone forever?
  7. I could sell everything and leave the country. Start over on some beach somewhere.
  8. But that’s too much work. It’s hard enough just to get the weekly groceries.
  9. Besides, that was the dream we had together.
  10. Jerk.
  11. I want to kill my ex.
  12. I want my ex back.
  13. No, scratch that. I want my ex to want me back so that I can tell them to screw off.
  14. What am I going to tell people?
  15. I wish I had a publicity agent like Jolie and Pitt to handle that.
  16. But then I’d have cameras in my face during all of this.
  17. Ugh. My face is all puffy and pale.
  18. Can I hibernate until this is over? Pretty please?
  19. Or maybe I’ll wake up and discover that all of this was just a nightmare.
  20. Is it normal to feel this way?
  21. When am I going to feel better? I’m so tired of this.
  22. What if that’s it? What if that was the best I’ll ever have and it’s all downhill from here?
  23. God, I’m such a cliché.
  24. Nobody understands what I’m feeling.
  25. At least my lawyer is looking out for me.
  26. What!?! $850 for an email response and a single phone call.
  27. My lawyer is evil.
  28. I could sell all of the evidence of our married life on eBay to help pay for all this.
  29. It’s all sh*t.
  30. Where did all these happily coupled people come from???
  31. No really, it’s like they’re extras hired from some movie set brought in specifically to torture me.
  32. Love sucks.
  33. I’m going to be single and strong and independent forever. Screw this love thing.
  34. I’m lonely.
  35. When did the nights get so long?
  36. I am so tired.
  37. I need to make more of an effort.
  38. Am I too old to wear this now?
  39. Hmmm… my butt still looks pretty good.
  40. You know, I’m going to get to have sex with a new person.
  41. Sh*t! I’m going to have to have sex with a new person.
  42. I better start exercising.
  43. Tomorrow.
  44. Why have my friends distanced themselves?
  45. It’s like they think divorce is contagious.
  46. Wait, that one couple friend of our broke up last year.
  47. Maybe it is catching.
  48. I certainly feel like I’m in quarantine.
  49. I don’t need those friends anyway. Their lives are so boring.
  50. I can now completely reinvent myself.
  51. Maybe I’ll quit my job. Go all bohemian.
  52. Bucket list! Here I come!!!
  53. I miss my old life.
  54. Why does it take something this big to provide perspective?
  55. God, I’m so dumb.
  56. I wonder if I’m even capable of being in a working relationship?
  57. And now I have baggage. A scarlet “Damaged” sign.
  58. Ugh.
  59. Look! The sun’s out today!
  60. Oh, I guess it’s been out. I just noticed it. I need to get better about that.
  61. Tomorrow.
  62. So this is why self-help is so popular.
  63. I guess I’m not the only to feel this way.
  64. Good to know.
  65. Still sucks, though.
  66. I’m tired of people telling me it will be okay.
  67. My okay is being legally dissolved at a rate of $350 per hour.
  68. Why didn’t I become a lawyer?
  69. What do I do now?
  70. No, really. Somebody please tell me what to do.
  71. Wait! Am I being checked out?
  72. That feels good.
  73. Oh no. They’re walking over. I’m not ready for this.
  74. Woah. I haven’t felt that rush since prom.
  75. But this feels wrong. Like I’m cheating.
  76. I miss my ex.
  77. I wonder if my ex is thinking about me?
  78. Oh sh*t! What if someone is checking them out???
  79. I should check their Facebook.
  80. Why did I do that?
  81. How are they so happy?
  82. It’s not fair.
  83. I’m going to show them!
  84. This smile feels fake. I wonder if there’s a filter that will make it look real in the picture?
  85. I just want this to be over.
  86. But what does that even mean???
  87. I’m such a mess.
  88. I’m starting to get used to all of the extra space in the bed and not having to share the covers.
  89. If I ever marry again, I’ll have to have my own bed.
  90. Or not. I miss feeling a warm arm around me.
  91. Well, that’s that. The papers are signed. I’m officially unknotted.
  92. Why am I sad? I’ve been waiting for this day.
  93. Now what do I focus on?
  94. I shouldn’t have checked their Facebook page again.
  95. But it didn’t sting quite as badly this time.
  96. Looking at it now it’s a little blurry. A little distant.
  97. I guess that’s good.
  98. So why do I still feel sad?
  99. Still, look at all I’ve managed to get through.
  100. I’m pretty bada$$.
  101. I think I’m going to be okay.

What Punctuation Mark Ended Your Marriage?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Marriages end in all kind of ways and on all kind of timetables.

Mine ended with a text out of the blue. It was an ending puncuated with ?!?!, overwhelming me with surpise and teeming with unanswered questions. It was delivered silently yet elicted loud sobs of strong emotion followed by unanswered pleas for explanations. A one-sided dialog. It was an incomplete ending to a story.

What puncuation mark ended your marriage?

How Much Do You Know About Divorce?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I scored only a 50%! Can you do better?