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5 Things You Don’t Understand About Divorce Until You’ve Lived Through It

16 Responses

  1. Patrick says:

    I went into the process thinking the Court of Family Law would be fair in looking at the facts. Unfortunately lies are not challenged as long as the lier continues to fight. At some point you need to accept that the legal process is not fair unless you are infinitely wealthy and don’t mind giving a lot of money to your attorney. At some point you will have to accept the lies and cut your financial losses.

    • Sadly true.

    • Anonymous says:

      I agree and am thoroughly overwhelmed and disappointed. I have very little strength left to fight and my attorney won’t return my calls because I can’t pay anymore but he can. But to accept this, which I can do, I have to give up everything…including my kids. Is this what I have to do because he’s a bully?

    • Anonymous says:

      That is so true. The family legal system is a joke. It’s a matter of the attorneys pitting the couple against each other so they rack up in their fees. Facts do not matter either. Why any man would want to get married in this day and age is beyond me.

  2. #5 hit home with me for the obvious reason — I’m in the midst right now. It feels like I am stuck in the middle of an enormous, deep pool with no other choice but to tread water. Eventually, I will make to the edge, climb out, shake out my tired limbs, and move on. Daily, I thank God for the strength to keep on treading. Most days I keep my head above water.

    • Great analogy. May the swim get easier.

    • Ethel says:

      I was the one who initiated the breakup. We have the same feelings as those who were left. I never felt like a failure. I was sad, and even tried to reengage over the phone.
      I learned once it’s over, it’s over. Leave it there. Never should have reconnected. After we split I found it about all kinds of manipulations and dishonesty that weren’t even the reasons I left. So obviously I was done. And ready.
      There are two sides, so don’t think that the one who leaves goes unscathed.

  3. Diane says:

    I agree. Divorce is something you won’t understand without going through it. And unfortunately, the Family Court system is very much NOT working with the best interest of the child as their primary goal. Rather, their goal is to push couples through the court in the most expedient way possible, to allow them to get to the next couple they are trying to shove through the system. The biggest issue though, is that the judges and attorneys have very little understanding of Cluster B personality disorders–and nearly every case that ends up in the Court system has one partner who is a ‘high conflict individual’–one who struggles with a (likely undiagnosed) Cluster B personality disorder. These are the people who create chaos but are uncannily charming towards judges–charismatic and seemingly convincing, but typically covering up their true selves. Because the other partner is often trying valiantly to protect the children (and are often scared) the judges often misread what’s happening and believe it is this partner who is the problem.

  4. janieleeds says:

    This is such a great post and so true. Thanks for sharing. I wish we didn’t have so much in common, but it helps to be inspired by someone who has walked this path as well.

  5. Ainsobriety says:

    I’m desperately believing you that this will get better…

  6. TJ says:

    Oh my God! Rarely am I at a loss for words, but because you said it all (and to perfection I might add), I don’t feel too bad. In my upcoming book, I say that women should build the bonds of loyalty, that we should protect each other’s hearts when it comes to the want of another woman’s husband because “I am you, and you are me.” You made my statement SO true with this post. I felt every single word you expressed here because, as a woman, as a divorced woman…I am you, and clearly, you are me. I will FOR SURE be writing a future blog post that will include a link to this incredible article. You executed the reality of divorce beautifully here. Thank you for sharing your experience, and your heart with us.

    • stilllearning2b says:

      Divorce definitely is an experience that unites those that have been through it. I’m glad that you’re using your experience to help others 🙂

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