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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

Three Powerful Lessons About Finding Love From An Unlikely Source

love lessons

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Because sometimes the way to learn to do something better is to start with what we already know…


You know: Never go to the grocery store when hungry.

When you succumb to the grocery store on an empty stomach, you’re possessed by a powerful drive to grab anything in your sight. You have a tendency to zero in on high-calorie items, especially those stocked for maximum visual impact. Your reasoning and planning abilities are sluggish, which may lead to a full cart but an empty pantry as you later realize you forgot the staples.

In contrast, when you navigate the store on a full stomach, you find it easier to stick to your list of needed items and resist those temptations that look good only to leave you feeling bad.

Love lesson: Never date when starving for affection.

When you’re starving for attention and affection, you may enter the dating scene driven by that ravenous and undiscriminating hunger. You’re likely to grab anything that catches your eye with little thought to its long-term impact.

Instead, strive to fill the voids in your life with friends, family, hobbies, passions and purpose before you seek out romantic love. You will make better choices for the long term and be better able to stick to your list of “must haves.” And you’ll also find it easier to pass on those people that make you feel good in the moment only to cause regret in the morning.

You know: Your cart only has so much space.

A grocery cart has finite space and so decisions must be made about what will be chosen to occupy that real estate. Maybe you notice a sale on soda and you’re tempted to fill the basket until the cans pile over the brim. You may justify this decision, claiming that you’re taking advantage of a good deal and that you never know when such a sale may come around again.

But at what expense? Yes, you’ll have soda for months. But you can’t live on pop alone.

Love lesson: Sometimes you have to let go of what makes you feel good in the moment in order to make space for what fulfills you long term.

Once we have allowed someone space in our lives, we tend to justify their place there even when they may not have been the wisest choice. It can be easy to focus on the parts that fit while actively ignoring the reasons why it’s not a good idea.

It’s a version of FOMO (fear of missing out). Because as long as that person is there, you know you have someone. If you let them go, you risk being alone. But there’s only so much space. And sometimes you have to let go of one thing in order to make room for what you need.

You know: Junk food may be quick and easy, but it is detrimental to your health.

So called “food deserts” earned their moniker not from a lack of food, but from a lack of quality food. Processed foods are tempting because they require little investment of time or money. They promise sustenance and indeed provide some feeling of satiety. These “foods” have been carefully engineered to promote maximum consumption and to encourage dependency.

However, in the longer run, these foods can cause starvation even as they widen the waistline since key nutrients have been replaced with fillers and empty calories. Healthy foods take effort, intention and planning as you turn the raw ingredients into something that will both nurture and fortify you.

Love lesson: Healthier relationships take time and energy to prepare.

Quick fixes are tempting in love as well. Those relationships that ignite quickly and fill you with both a surge of temporary well-being and a driving need for more. They can become a drug, leading you to always search for that next spark of interest. Only to leave you empty and lonely once the initial attraction fades.

Healthier relationships are built from the ground up. There is effort. Intention. Sustained energy and shared responsibility. And the pride and ownership that comes from doing something yourself.

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12 thoughts on “Three Powerful Lessons About Finding Love From An Unlikely Source

  1. Well timed post for me! Now that the turmoil is over, I’m feeling a little lonely emotionally although clear in my head that I’m so much better off!

  2. This is so true! Wish I’d read these lessons 16 years ago. But I did learn the hard way. I had to love me first. I had to be okay with being single. It took about 5 years, but it was worth the wait!

  3. My observation so far, even though I am just dipping my toe in the water to test it — women have a tendency to wait until they are emotionally ready, yet even after waiting for years many of the women I have encountered may actually be less ready to handle a relationship. They think they are ready, so they go into dating expecting a committed relationship almost immediately, something that can be very disappointing. Guys need to fill that void of affection right away, some in a very wrong way and some in a very innocent way, and just want someone to keep them from being alone, someone who give them that reassuring touch. As you so aptly state, that’s a mistake that leads to compromise and spending time with someone who just isn’t right (and hurting them badly eventually).

  4. This is unbelievable true. I am trying to live my life without regrets so I am thinking about my experience of the past and what you said in this article is exactly what I have done. Now I am moving on with my life and I would like do what said. I hope to have a different outcome.

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