Gaslighting – The Flame That Refuses To Be Stamped Out

13 Responses

  1. Oh God Bless! I identify with so much of this post! It makes me feel like I have allowed him to win when I let that negative self talk in and even worse, when it’s in his voice!

    Today is a bad day. Tomorrow will be better, and you will have a brand new shiny toy to play with and I hope you remember how much you deserve it!!

  2. Patrick says:

    I know the feeling. Earlier this week I received an email from my ex-wife’s latest attorney (I’m wondering how she can afford an attorney?). Two days my mind was spinning and wondering if I was going to be forced back into debtor by having to hire an attorney. I have been debt free for only three months and I don’t want to be in debt again. I suspect these feelings we experience will fade with time but I also think there will still be triggers. Hopefully they are not as severe as time goes by. Enjoy your new computer. With all that you have been through, including having to paying off the assumed debt (which still pisses me off that I got stuck with the debt), you deserve to give yourself a new computer. Choose to be happy.

  3. ifonlymommy says:

    Ugh. Triggers are the absolute worst and I always think I got out without them affecting me but it’s a lie I like to tell myself to feel stronger. I feel the same spending guilt because he told me I was irresponsible with money when he was the spenders. One day they have to go away. I have to believe that!

  4. paescapee says:

    Yep- identifying with all of the above. Well, you’ve noticed that it’s a trigger and you’re doing it anyway, which shows he’s not actually affecting your actions, so congratulations! and enjoy your new Apple.

  5. tracihalpin says:

    This sounds like a normal part of the ex showing up again in our brains and immediately going back to those times where we didn’t know our self worth. Be gentle with yourself; let it come and let it pass. You deserve the best and you work hard for it. Instead of being angry with yourself, just recognize your past is part of who you are but it does not define you. I was married to a narcissist too, and we have to coparent. I use personal shielding and quick sayings to get off the phone. We sometimes fall into those unhealthy patterns, even for a minute, and I too get angry. But lately I have been integrating my past into my present and understanding it’s all part of me. Just breathe. Namaste

  6. You can be calmed by knowing that the number of triggers you have now compared to five years ago, four years ago, three years ago (you get the picture) are fewer and farther between. This trigger too shall pass, just as the others. It’s just hanging on a bit longer…give it it’s due, but not too much attention and I’m sure you’ll be back to your positive outlook and “seeing the blessings” personality we all know so well. Hang in there!!

  7. Dawn says:

    And I thought I was the only “crazy” one. Infuriating how x’s words from the past infiltrate the present. Sometimes they do temporarily, thank God, and I’ll be darned if I’ll allow them to influence my present says the new strong me.

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