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10 Struggles Anybody Who Has Been Divorced Will Understand

14 Responses

  1. I love your blog! So glad you have so much to share to help others cope.

  2. Jana says:

    Oh, yes — # 7 especially! At this point in time, I just can’t see myself being that vulnerable with anyone again. I can’t fathom how I would ever trust someone implicitly or give my whole heart to them. And yet, I know that I need to be able to do all of this in order to have a healthy relationship. The thing that makes it even scarier is that I know that my first marriage damaged me in a way that contributed to my second marriage ending. I was so scarred that I never fully opened up or trusted my second husband – and always held a bit of myself from him…just in case something like that should happen again. And, of course, it did – and I was still I was incredibly devastated when the marriage ended. It’s like a catch-22 – how can I love if I can’t trust? How can I trust when I’ve been so betrayed and hurt by my husbands? If I do find someone else, how can I be vulnerable knowing that I could be hurt even worse? Gaaahhhhh!

  3. vogue2182 says:

    Love this list. I am starting to struggle with #7. I also totally relate to the idea that those years spent together were another life in a another time.

  4. Reblogged this on Shadows of Hell and commented:
    This is so disgustingly true it almost brought me to tears. Too early for this shit. Enjoy!

  5. Wonderful work. My post-divorce blog is far more cynical and dark, but as a person, I’m not all doom and gloom. I can certainly appreciate every sentiment expressed here. Perhaps you have heard this song. It truly speaks to me. If you have not heard it, I recommend it. I am an atheist, but listening to this song provided me the closest thing to a spiritual experience I have ever had sober.

    Mumford and Sons – The Cave:

  6. I love your #9!

  7. Lizzie Lau says:

    I struggle with #7 in fact I’ve nicknamed myself 3Strikes as a kind of self-deprecating force field, if that makes sense. Like I’m going to say I suck at marriage so much that I’ve divorced three times before you ever get a chance to.

  8. Carly says:

    I hate the “divorced” box more than anything. I will rebel against checking it because it’s completely unnecessary! Might was well say “failure”.

    I struggle with removing “we” from statements of the past. I have to consciously say “I”, regardless if I know there was another person involved in that memory or experience. Owning it and making it my own is an ongoing process.

    I have been told by many others who have experienced divorce, “it gets better, with time”. A year and a half after my world blew up, I can now say it to someone walking that path I’ve been down.

    I have become more courageous facing my demons and going after the things that once intimidated me. The hardest thing I am experiencing now, after the dust settled, is figuring out who I am and what makes tick. It’s an everyday battle, because it’s scary digging deep into the things I tried stuffing down for so long, living in the fear of what it might mean to start being honest and true to myself.

    One day at a time.

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