You cannot outsource healing. You have to do it yourself.

Therapy, journaling and medication are useful tools. But they are just that – tools. They only work if you do.

Apologies and explanations may feel good in the moment, but they provide no lasting relief. That only comes when you allow it.

Others who have been there may offer guidance along the way, but they cannot take your steps for you.

There are no words that can take away your pain. No actions by others that can relieve your suffering.

You can try to avoid the pain. Distract yourself. Pretend you’re okay.

But that approach never works for long.

Because the only way through is through.

And you can’t outsource healing.

You have to do it yourself.

Thank you for sharing!

8 thoughts on “Outsourcing

  1. It’s amazing that at this phase of my course I should come across your very appropriate and inherently wise post. It is eternally true that the healing should be conducted by oneself, even though it might at times appear impossible and a monumental task to perform. I was stuck for such a long time in the useless and ultimately unhelpful circle of the unfairness of it all and continually pondered how my wife could possibly elect to do what she has done to our family. Not good. It’s only now, that I realise my children and me are actually not the problem, it is her issues that have engulfed us in this desperate and eternally sad situation. And that it is what it is. A whale happily swimming along in obvious bliss, thinking all is in order, with the happy family in tow, and suddenly bang, harpooned and blindsided. As hard as it may feel at first, don’t get stuck in the whys and ifs and how’s. Move…..get angry….Look after yourself…The people that matter to you…..remove the harpoon….have direction…..focus…..and have the wisdom and courage to abandon the person that does not deserve your love……heal. And trust me, good things will happen.

  2. Couldn’t agree more! It’s insane how people tell you to “go get help” and “forgive for your own sake”…then most of those telling you that are cheaters themselves so it figures. This is slow stuff and there are no shortcuts. If you’re lucky you might feel normal-ish 5 or 6 years down the track. If you’re unlucky you might take a lifetime. That’s not on you. That’s on the people who did this. I actually think it’s pretty sad they can’t take guilt, that their victim’s seriously long term dealing with this is so uncomfortable for them they have to project it away by telling you to go (insert quick fix). It should bring them to their knees that it might take us a lifetime. A decent person would be gutted that something they did had such lasting effects. Instead they tell you to do x, or z and poof! You’ll be cured. No, you won’t. And that’s okay, it’s not our fault. The fact it takes so long is really a sign that the wound was that deep.

  3. livebysurprise – Liv is the pseudonym reformed divorcee and single mom - now married, coparenting and working mother of three. She's been featured on ScaryMommy, HuffPost Divorce, The Mid and DivorcedMoms.com. More at http://www.livebysurprise.com.
    Liv says:

    You’re so right. It has to come from within. If you’re not aware of and connected with it, you’ll never make it through.

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