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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

Don’t Believe In Divorce? It Doesn’t Matter.

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Search for “divorce” on Twitter, and you find countless posts like the following:

I don’t believe in divorce….when me and my partner have problems we will sit down, talk and work it out! Commitment for life

As though one can make divorce not real simply by pretending it doesn’t exist. I hate to break it to them, but divorce is kinda like gravity’s impact on an aging body; it exists whether you want to admit it or not.

I didn’t believe in divorce either. I believed in commitment. In working things out. In staying together. However, my husband did not feel the same way.

The problem with the Twitter quote above is that it completely neglects to acknowledge your partner’s view and actions, neither of which are under your jurisdiction. You may not believe in divorce but if your partner stops believing in the marriage, you’ll be forced to change your mind real fast.

Read the rest on The Huffington Post.

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12 thoughts on “Don’t Believe In Divorce? It Doesn’t Matter.

  1. I never married with the notion of divorce being an option. I thought hard and long about the trust it would take and I was certain that he would continue to be the man that he was and sadly, much like yourself, I was wrong. He changed and he wouldn’t or couldn’t be a devoted and loving man. I was ashamed to get a divorce and felt like a failure in front of people that didn’t know why I truly left. I hate the stigma that comes along with divorce especially while I am still in my 20s- I assume people who don’t know the truth think that I didn’t try, was too naive, etc…and I hate that even though I know what I did was the right thing to do for me. We may be divorced but we strong as hell.

  2. so true 🙂
    the man I married believed in marriage, commitment, and working things out. and so did I. then 25 years later we realized that we had completely different definitions of what those things meant. what actually led to our divorce? his unwillingness to compromise in any way. here was a man who said “I love you” every day of our marriage, and at the same time made it entirely conditional. it was always, “I love you only if… (fill in the blank)”.
    it’s great if you have a partner who’s on the same page as you, and as a couple have the ability to work through things in a productive, healthy manner. but to say you don’t believe in divorce… unfortunately is really naive. as you mentioned above… it takes two to tango, and ultimately it takes two who want to tango together.

      1. That is true. Also a lot of books, and even therapists, will advise that you reflect on and accept your part in the end of the marriage. It is only then will you find peace. I grappled with that for a long time and then thought, ‘no’. I will take responsibility for my half of the marriage, both good and bad. However, the end of the marriage was totally his choice and therefore his responsibility. By that I mean that ALL marriages have strengths and weaknesses and problems. In a marriage that survives you work those problems through, and compromise. What we had in our marriage was no better, and no worse than other marriages that survive. What was different about our marriage was that ‘we’ were never given that chance to work through those supposed problems, because ‘he’ (one person) simply left. One person’s choice.

  3. Reblogged this on Holy City Haute and commented:
    “You may not believe in divorce, but if your partner stops believing in marriage, you’ll be forced to change your mind real fast.”

    Yep, that about sums it up. No matter how YOU feel, if your partner doesn’t hold the same views, there’s nothing you can do.

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