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Pin the Tail on the Victim

20 Responses

  1. I have a huge problem with this one. I am a teacher also, and have had to alert school authorities of my ex-husband. I didn’t have to do this, but I wanted to protect the school as well as myself. If anything had happened, and I had been suspended…I don’t know what I would have done. It wasn’t my fault that any of this happened with him. All I ever did was try to protect the innocent parties. I think I smell a lawsuit with this one.

  2. Melanie says:

    This one got under my skin too. I was appalled. As a not-teacher, I thought I kind-of, maybe, could understand the “protect the children” reasoning (only, really, in theory, not in actuality having had to be the one to alert an employer to my abuser), but I could not, could not, understand the outright firing of this teacher. This is the arch-diocese of San Diego. A religious corporation – they had other positions, non-teaching positions if that really was their concern, they could have placed her in and not thrown her out in the streets with four children and no income.

    • Pretty much. Also, as far as the “protect the children” idea, in my 11 years in education, every single domestic issue that came into the school was from a parent of a child in the school. What’s next – throw out any kids with parents that have a history of abuse? Grrrr….

      • Melanie says:

        They’ve set a bad precedent for their school. I wonder how much of their decision was a result of the other parents threatening to remove their kids of this potential for a threat wasn’t removed. As a private school relying on tuition, I wonder if this decision wasn’t more motivated by the potential loss of revenue rather than a potential threat from the abusive ex-husband.

  3. I share your sense of outrage and lack of justice and common sense. Deep breath!

  4. kokkieh says:

    “I worry about the message implied in the school’s response. It may encourage the abused to not seek help. To stay quiet. To stay a victim.”

    This is a problem in society in general. I once got approached by a student claiming her cousin had tried to rape her. I had a female teacher escort her to the police station to make a statement. Then her family kicked HER out for laying charges against a relative. The school ended up housing her in the hostel for the rest of her senior year.

    What is worse is that it reaches a point where the victim starts believing she deserves to be punished.

    A serious overhaul of people’s perceptions is needed.

    • Agree! I think so much of it has to do with people wanting to believe that it cannot happen to them, that they could not be a victim. If we paint the victim as somehow culpable, it means that we can feel safe from suffering the same fate as long as we don’t make those same choices. We don’t want to identify with the victim because then we have to accept that it could be us.

  5. This is an appalling decision by the school.
    Good on you for speaking out.

  6. lisa thomson says:

    Excellent points! You are so right. Her ex will likely be delighted by the chaos that he has caused her, yet again. It’s a very sad situation and one that should be reviewed by the School Board. She might have to lodge an official complaint….but she likely is exhausted from the divorce never mind having to now deal with work conflict.

  7. Leslie says:

    Wow – I echo previous commenters. That is appalling. It is both infuriating and very sad the ways in which societal institutions can actually support abusers by penalizing their victims.

  8. Reblogged this on Small voices: Speaking out about domestic abuse and commented:
    Great post.

  9. Reblogged this on Revenge is never a straight line… and commented:
    Annoying enough to be barred from a couple of pubs, thanks to not tolerating abuse. Much worse is to lose your job over it. Read this and fumed, so decided to re-blog.

  1. December 6, 2013

    […] written before about the danger of victim blaming. This perspective is used to justify the attack on the victim, shifting all of the responsibility […]

  2. December 7, 2013

    […] I’ve written before about the danger of victim blaming. This perspective is used to justify the attack on the victim, shifting all of the responsibility onto the damaged party. Most recognize the fallacy in this thinking and reject the idea. […]

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