These lessons also apply to loss through divorce or separation.
6 Lessons in Learning to Live Life Without Your Loved One.
The most difficult lesson for me was to allow myself to feel the grief and the pain. I became an expert at filling my life with distractions (luckily, healthy ones, but distractions nonetheless). I was afraid that if I let the feelings in, that they would become a tsunami, crushing me under their power.
I had to make conscious decisions in the beginning to let myself feel some of it. My mind acted like a seawall, allowing some of the wave through, but holding part back. I was able to feel and process a little at a time, so that no one experience was too overwhelming. This piecemeal approach takes time, but it has worked for me because it breaks it down into manageable chunks, whereas the whole would be too much to bear.
The idea of distractions is a familiar one to me. I did the same thing, buy my main distraction in those early months was men. The rush from meeting and kissing someone new insulated me from any pain. But of course, it didn’t last and eventually I embraced a “quiet time” that was the true beginning of real change for me.
Men were my distraction in the last few months before the actual divorce. They do make for a fun distraction, don’t they:) I agree; however, that too much distraction, no matter the form, prevents true healing from occurring. Distraction is such a handy tool, but it needs to have an expiration date.
I definitely use distractions…I moved to a city where I didn’t know anywhere and my new friends can meet me without the lens of my failed marriage. (sigh) http://meantforsomethingbetter.com/2012/05/11/hold-me-down/
I understand that one all too well!