You Make Me Happy

Posted bystilllearning2bPosted inLife's LessonsTags:, , ,

Emotions associated with happiness

You make me happy.  I used to say those words to my husband on a frequent basis.  At that time, if you had asked me what I meant by those four words, I would would have replied that I was saying that I loved him and that I was happy being with him.  I meant those words as a compliment, an endearment, an expression of love.

I don’t use those words anymore.

Let me be clear, I am very happy in my current relationship.  But he doesn’t make me happy; rather, I am happy with him.  Slight change in words, but a huge shift in meaning.

I began to realize that by telling him that he made me happy, I was putting all of the responsibility for my own well-being on his shoulders.  That is a huge burden to carry and one that was unfair to him.  I had given him the power to make me happy.  Which means he also had the power to make me unhappy.

If I had left that power in his hands, he would have packed up my happiness with the rest of his belongings when he walked out the door.  I snatched it back from him, determined to find a way to regain ownership of my well-being.

I now take responsibility for my own happiness.  I can choose how I respond and how I approach. I can choose to be happy with or happy in spite of.  That is my responsibility.

But, coffee still makes me happy:)

Thank you for sharing!

13 thoughts on “You Make Me Happy”

  5. Tovah – Israel – Certified Substance Abuse and Addictions Professional, (CASAP) Although retired I still do voluntary work in my profession. For many years I've been a natural health enthusiast, using natural remedies and eating healthy natural organic food. I'd like to share some of my experiences about growing Organic Vegetables in small spaces, indoors and out.
    Divorce Recovery Solutions says:

    Your dead right! Especially about the coffee….Tovah

    Reply
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  9. Jennifer – Albuquerque, New Mexico – First off, I am not very funny. Secondly, I am a full-blown geek; I like chess (it is my favorite game), I enjoyed writing research papers in college, I enjoyed statistics and any other kind of math. But, in my old age (47), I have learned to own my geekdom, it is uniquely mine. Third, I have manic-depressive illness which can make life a bit rocky sometimes, like when the medications are not strong enough to treat the illness, then it bites me in the ass…..hard. Most of the time, though, I ride the sine wave that are normal moods. It is an interesting disease to have though. You do a lot of self reflecting and exploration which can be rough, but you can see where you have made mistakes and you can take action to prevent that behavior in the future. Fourth, I have learned how not to settle for anything; bad medical care, toxic and angry people, bad food, bad relationships. I just will not settle anymore. I have already been there and done that. Fifth, I have learned over the years it is not cool to puke through your nose because you drank too much at a party or a bar. Sixth, I love to read everything from fiction to non-fiction to school textbooks. I do not remember learning to read. My mom says when I was about 3 or 4 years old, I picked up National Geographic and began to read it. Who knew? Seventh, and possibly last, I love music of all types except Rap. My favorite music to relax to is classical preferably of the Baroque period like Amadeus Mozart and Beethoven. I love going to the movies by myself. If you go on a Monday afternoon matinée, there is usually no one there so it is like having your own private theater. I am also a Nichiren Buddhist by way of spiritual belief. I am basically just a normal person who happens to be not funny :) .
    songtothesirens says:

    You are absolutely correct in saying “You make me happy” versus “I am happy with you” are two entirely different things. I, too, made the same mistake in my first (and possibly only) marriage. I gave him all the power to make me either happy or unhappy, and he was much more skilled at making me unhappy. But, I am the one who gave him that little skill. Hopefully, the next time around, it will be different and I will be happy to be with someone as I have been in the past. Thank you for your blog. It has gotten me through some rough spots over the past year and given me hope that there are still good guys out there 🙂

    Reply
      1. Jennifer – Albuquerque, New Mexico – First off, I am not very funny. Secondly, I am a full-blown geek; I like chess (it is my favorite game), I enjoyed writing research papers in college, I enjoyed statistics and any other kind of math. But, in my old age (47), I have learned to own my geekdom, it is uniquely mine. Third, I have manic-depressive illness which can make life a bit rocky sometimes, like when the medications are not strong enough to treat the illness, then it bites me in the ass…..hard. Most of the time, though, I ride the sine wave that are normal moods. It is an interesting disease to have though. You do a lot of self reflecting and exploration which can be rough, but you can see where you have made mistakes and you can take action to prevent that behavior in the future. Fourth, I have learned how not to settle for anything; bad medical care, toxic and angry people, bad food, bad relationships. I just will not settle anymore. I have already been there and done that. Fifth, I have learned over the years it is not cool to puke through your nose because you drank too much at a party or a bar. Sixth, I love to read everything from fiction to non-fiction to school textbooks. I do not remember learning to read. My mom says when I was about 3 or 4 years old, I picked up National Geographic and began to read it. Who knew? Seventh, and possibly last, I love music of all types except Rap. My favorite music to relax to is classical preferably of the Baroque period like Amadeus Mozart and Beethoven. I love going to the movies by myself. If you go on a Monday afternoon matinée, there is usually no one there so it is like having your own private theater. I am also a Nichiren Buddhist by way of spiritual belief. I am basically just a normal person who happens to be not funny :) .
        songtothesirens says:

        Thanks….guys don’t seem to realize how ‘”good” we are until we aren’t there 🙂

        Reply
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