Sometimes I forget my own lessons. I let expectation build. I am too hard on myself. I try to fight what is instead of working with it.
Yesterday afternoon, I started feeling a bit sick. Nothing too bad, but my stomach was definitely telling me to take it easy. I tried arguing with my digestive system for awhile, determined to continue on with my plans for the evening. My stomach (and my boyfriend, who was speaking for the GI tract) gained the upper hand. I relented. I rested. But I was still having trouble letting go of the “wasted” evening during spring break.
I hoped to wake today feeling fully restored so that I could attend my usual hot power yoga class. I don’t think that’s going to happen; something about hot yoga while running a fever doesn’t seem too smart. I am trying hard this morning to accept this change in plans (and the others that will spiral out of it). I am working to shift my expectations. I can tell that my body needs to rest, but I am not too sick to do some things. I will embrace this day of perusing book shelves, walking the aisles of Whole Foods to see what new foods entice me, and writing while sitting in the sun.
In yoga, the practice often begins in child’s pose and the pose can be re-assumed at any point in order to rest. I used to see taking the pose as a sign of defeat, “I am too weak to handle this practice.” Now, I see the wisdom in taking a respite, in taking time to gather and rest. I have found that it improves the quality of the rest of the practice.
I am taking a metaphorical child’s pose today. I am going to rest the body and recenter the mind. I am going to let go of my old hopes and plans, and fully embrace the day as it comes.