I had the utmost trust in my ex-husband. Even thought we were very young when we began dating, I did not give up my trust easily; he earned it over years of proving himself reliable, dependable, and honest. Each time he followed through or stepped up, another deposit was made into the trust fund. I was hyper-vigilant about the fund in its early stages, carefully monitoring each deposit and looking for unexpected withdrawals. As time passed and the minimum account balance was ancient history, I began to relax.
And then, the unthinkable happened. The trust fund was emptied fully in one violent sweep as I learned of his years of lies and deceptions. It made me question the veracity of the sixteen years of deposits: were they forgeries? Fraud? Or, were they real enough and simply there for the taking?
I felt violated. Raped. Robbed. I trusted him to protect me from others and it turns out I needed protection from him.
It was an inside job.
I was left without a husband, bit even more concerning, I was left with a damaged trust safe, its integrity damaged by the robbery. It was no longer able to contain any deposits of trust. And I was afraid that it could not be repaired.
I began to work to repair the damage, patch the holes. I explored, finding and patching the weak areas. I tested its integrity by tentatively placing trust in others, yet ensuring that, if they were to fail to follow through, I would not be too badly compromised.
Time passed. The trust fund slipped from the forefront of my mind. I suppose I began to trust that it could contain wealth again, if it were to come my way.
And wealth did come; I am now in a new relationship and the trust fund has been rebuilt. It’s a little different now; the security is a little tighter and I am more aware of the deposits, but the fund is full and I am relaxed.
Thank you to my dad and his wife for inspiring this post.