Locked Out

Apparently when I left my classroom Friday afternoon, I left my keys on my desk, as my mind swirled with the weekend yet ahead.  So much for mindfulness and being in the moment.

So now, I am locked out.  At least I realized it yesterday, so I’m, not shivering in a cold car in the parking lot of the school.

But now I am left with time, time I do not usually have, and a growing sense of urgency of what needs to be done at work.

I am a morning person by nature, so I tend to get to school early, using that time to plan, prep, and grade.  As a result, I am usually able to leave on time and avoid bringing work home.  Thus also works with my anxious nature; I function best when I get everything done up front.  A trait I have coined “reverse procrastination.” When I can’t get in early, my mind starts to flurry, doubts of being ready for the day creep in, and my thoughts become irrational.  In the past, if I had found myself in this same situation, I would have made the drive to school at the normal time, hoping for a stray custodian or coach to notice me and open the door.

Colorful Door
Colorful Door (Photo credit: brentdanley)

Today, I choose to wait.  Today, I choose to not let the anxiety build.  I know that I will be able to get done what I need to before the starting bell rings.  And, anything that does not happen can wait until the next day.  Or perhaps even the next.  It is okay to have a list where not every item is crossed off.

I usually practice yoga in the mornings before work.  Today, that is taken from me too, as my shoulders are protesting after an intense 90 minutes power class yesterday.

I’m working to accept the discomfort I feel at my normal routine being disrupted.  To be in the moment and and peace with what is, letting go of my expectations.  I have time.  I think I will meditate for a bit, and then take advantage of an empty house (the boyfriend had an early appointment today) and blast 80’s hair metal while I get ready.

Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution
Image via Wikipedia

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