10 Ironclad Rules for Living After Divorce

5 – Never Let Anyone Else Be Your Gatekeeper

I will never again be without a pool of funds that only I have access to. I will never again trust without seeking some sort of verification. I will never again allow someone to create my own perceptions, holding me prisoner of my own beliefs. I promised myself that I would always trust myself, depend upon myself and stay alert to my surroundings.

6 – Never Allow Work to Overstep Its Bounds

I used to let work define me. And then I let it overdefine me.  I was more Mrs. B- than Lisa, accomplished in the classroom and sometimes lost outside of it. And so I worked. And I worked, losing myself in the process. I promised myself that I would find balance, sometimes postponing work to play and never turning down an opportunity for fun.

7 – Never Ignore Your Gut

I ignored my dreams of a cheating husband. I brushed off my anxiety as work-related. I believed his words even when they resonated strangely because the alternative was too scary to contemplate. I promised myself that I would have regular check-ins with my intuion and that if it sent up a warning sign, I would listen and look for more information.

8 – Never Give Up

I remember the day when the enormity of my loss hit me. My entire former life packed into a Mack truck headed straight for my heart. And it felt impossible. I had no money. No home. No legal divorce yet. I hated my job. I lost my dogs and many friends. I even lost my ability to sleep or eat. As I broke down, I broke it down. Into tiny and manageable baby steps. I promised myself that I would keep taking those steps, even if the mountain felt insurrmountable. I could at least take one more step.

9 – Never Stop Believing In Yourself

Everything feels impossible in the beginning. That’s why whole programs are designed simply to teach you how to run 5 kilometers. And that’s why I signed up for my first race – a half marathon – during the divorce. I needed to build that belief in myself. To learn to shut out that voice that said I couldn’t only because I never had. And prove it wrong by doing it for the first time. I promised myself that even though I would be overwhelmed, scared and frustrated, that I would hold tightly to the belief that I could.

10 – Never Say Never

We’re often quick to labe a situation as “good” or “bad.” But in reality, it is just is. We ultimately decide what comes from it.

And that just may be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Never say never.

Because you never know what’s going to happen.

And that’s a promise.