It was parent conference week at my school this past week. It’s a week I always look forward to (even while I dread the long hours required). I love getting a chance to talk with the parents after I have been able to see their child’s strengths, weaknesses, celebrations and struggles. Most of the conversations and strategies are pretty run-of-the-mill. Helping middle schoolers learn to prioritize, time-manage and organize is an on-going and ever-present task.
But every year since my first in the classroom, I have had a handful of conferences that are anything but run-of-the-mill. Some of the kids that come through my classroom have been through tragedy. Loss. Trauma. And as the teachers sit around the table and learn the information, the missing assignments suddenly become less important than the missing childhood. The focus shifts from succeeding in school to creating a support system to help the child succeed in living.
Once I learn of the background, there is one talk I always make sure to have with any student that went through too much far too soon.
I call it my “defining speech.” And it goes something like this:
———-
“Make a line through this point,” I ask, drawing a dark mark in the center of a blank white sheet of paper.
“Is that the only line you can make through that point?” I ask.
“Well, no. I could make a bunch of different lines.” I gesture for them to show me.
I usually get a “Is my teacher crazy?” look at about this point.
“Well, yeah? I mean, two points make a line, right?”
“True. If it’s straight,” I say with a slight smile. “Try connecting them with something that isn’t linear.”
This is where I can tell who is willing to take risks. But they all manage to create some sort of nonlinear path through the two points.
“No. Do you want me to draw more? I mean, there are infinite ways!”
“No, it’s okay. I just want you to see that there are multiple paths to get from one of those points to the next.”
The shoulders relax as the brow rises, wondering about the point of this exercise.
“Almost done. I just have one more for you.”
Once they’ve completed the task, I bring the point home. Yes, pun intended.
“I want you to think of these points as events that happen in life. When you have a single point or event, it does not define your path. There were many routes you could take. When there were two points, there was only one way if you chose to see it that way. If you were more creative, you could find many more. But life doesn’t consist of just one or two events, even though certain ones may stand out more than others. Life is a series of events. And it is your choice how you move through them. Look at how you connected your points here on your last picture. You had to include the outliers, but it didn’t completely change the general shape of the graph.”
“I know you’ve had some stuff in your past that makes you feel like you’re stuck on a predetermined path. But you’re not. You had to walk through that point. That event or series of events. And now you decide what direction you go.”
“One event does not define you. YOU define you by the choices you make and the path you choose.”
Okay, class dismissed 🙂
Love this. Thank you for sharing!!
Interesting method for helping adolescents see that there is more than one way to travel through the events that they have experienced, and that there is more than one “shape” to those paths. I like it; it is creative. I wish I had had a teacher like you when I was going through adolescence.
Lisa you are awesome! These kids are lucky to have you. I also wish I’d had a teacher like you to share this perspective with me at that age.
🙂
You’ve done it again, Lisa! A terrific post! I’m going to share this with my art teacher son! 🙂
Thanks!
Your students are the very lucky ones. If there were only more “yous” in the educational system our kids would flourish!
And a structure that encourages building relationships and not just seeing kids as numbers!
This is a great analogy! Lucky students to have such a committed teacher!
And I’m lucky to have an administration that encourages building relationships with the kiddos and parents/guardians that want what is best for their kids.
Brilliant! Reblogging for a dear Buddy ❤️ Also, I believe in this post to my core. One event nor my past define me or us 😊
Reblogged this on Life after his affair and commented:
Great analogy she uses in this post! She uses it for her student..
I could relate to it as a betrayed wife too. I’m not healing or recovering nearly as well as I’m told I should be… But I’m doing it my way and I’ll get “there”.. Someday.
❤️
There are no “shoulds” – only what works for you in that moment:)
Thanks!!! As a draftsman, you were speaking my language. 🙂 A valuable lesson for us all.
I think I like to distill things down to math because math never lies:)
As always, so eloquent with your words.
Thank you:)
Awesome! I taught elementary school for 20 years, so I know what a hard job you have. You sound like a great teacher!
Thanks:)
You are amazing. I love this.
☺️ Thanks and ditto!
Reblogged this on existentialmoonwalking and commented:
Amen.