Note: If you are not familiar with my basic story, please read this first so you have some context.
I received an email the other day from someone, let’s just call him P, proposing an opportunity that would be very beneficial for me as a writer (chugging away on the book every day!!!) and as a wellness coach.
There was one caveat – he would need to locate my ex-husband. After some deliberation, I agreed and I sent him the contact information that I have. I also informed him that, as of the last I knew, if you Googled my ex’s name along with the limiting and somewhat giggle-inducing keyword, “bigamy,” you would pull up some articles from 2009 as well as his mugshot.
I kept up with my ex’s whereabouts until the divorce was final, in March of 2010. I promised myself at that point that I would never look him or his wife up again. I have held fast to that promise.
Two days after sending P the contact information, I spoke to him on the phone. He had not had any luck in locating the ex (which I expected), but he did say something that caught me short.
“I did Google his name and I found the articles from 2009 and the mugshot. I also found some articles from 2010 and 2011.”
Whoa, Nelly. There’s new information out there. I think P sensed that I did not want to know the content of what he found and so he did not reveal the nature of the articles.
He then made another comment that was interesting.
“We can’t do this if there are any open cases against him.”
Hmmm…so I guess he has continued his life of crime? My first thought was for his wife. I have had a genuine concern that he would try to kill her.
Luckily, that did not seem to be the subject of the articles, as P then said maybe they could locate the wife (ex-wife?) in his place. I agreed, and gave her (also outdated) contact information.
It’s been several days, and I have not heard from P. I doubt that either one of them is easily found and willing to share their stories. Meanwhile, it leaves me in strange place. I know there is information out there. I feel like I should be curious. But, I’m not. I haven’t wanted to search, haven’t had to check myself to keep from typing his name into Google.
Who knows what will become of this little detour in my saga – will he be found? will she turn up? will this opportunity pan out for me? Who knows… Regardless, I see my reaction to this as a sign, a sign that I really have moved on.
Note: For any of you that know me personally and know his name, if you choose to do a search, please do not share what you learn. I really don’t want to trigger the desire to keep up with him again. Thank you:)
If you feel you are in the way of harm, google it. Knowledge is power. If you don’t, let demons rest. It is so incredibly hard to do that, yet here you are with the strength of Titans. We both know our lives are better without the knowledge of evil…but so hard to resist! Good luck with your decision.
I’m more afraid of me – getting sucked into a place I don’t want to go – than I am of him.
There is your answer then, don’t do it.
There is wisdom in this.
I would offer another word of caution… You didn’t mention the details of this offer from “P”. None of my business (and I’m not asking). My concern is that if it hinges on your ex, or his other ex in some way, you are going to find out more than you want of his recent misadventures. You might to think about walking away from the whole shebang. Don’t be tempted by getting your book published. If it is meant to be, it will be.
My 2¢ and I think I owe you some change.
Thank you for sharing. I put a lot of thought into it before deciding if I wanted to move forward on my end. The potential benefits outweighed the possible harm that I could see. I found out last night that this project is dead in the water. So, now to finishing that book:)