After Divorce: What Are You Grieving?

12 Responses

  1. CJ says:

    Not divorced – yet – but find myself mourning and grieving the wife I thought I knew and was so attracted to before her affair.
    Four-plus years later, I look across room as I sit by myself on the couch and she sits in a recliner by herself in silence. She smiles, talks to the kids, hugs them, tells them she lives them, and we return to the same old disconnection. So lovely.
    Living on opposite ends of the house right now in an in-house separation trying our best to move on in life – we’re hoping someday that life can be together,. As each day drifts by, though, I am unsure and mourn and grieve our present and our potential future of a dead, lifeless marriage.
    Affairs are such a devastating choice for a spouse to make. My wife will never be able to understand the devastation she has caused in our family and especially to me, her imperfect but tender-hearted husband who always loved her so much even when our marriage wasn’t going well prior to her affair, and the husband who still loved her after the betrayal but whose heart, mind and soul have now withered and disconnected like she has over the past couple years.

    • stilllearning2b says:

      That sounds so painful and confusing. I am sorry.

    • How did you survive an in-house separation? This is a real question, not sarcastic. My (eventually ex) husband and I are going to be doing that soon. As soon as we tell the kids. I can’t imagine how well it will work because I am the only one grieving the loss of the marriage, but it’s a similar situation of him having an affair.

      • CJ says:

        It’s tough knowing that you are in an in-house separation and it’s because of the other spouse. I am doing a lot of praying and reading and trying to use my time wisely. It isn’t easy, but I am giving this marriage of 25 years my everything and don’t want to look back with any regret. I am trying to be patient (it’s been over 4 years of counseling and lots of talking). Doing my best, that’s all I can say.
        Good luck in your situation. The in-house separation was something that was suggested to us a few years back from two different counselors and we only decided to finally try it in August.

    • I can empathize with this so much, my husband devastated me and our family with his betrayal too. And I stood by him through so much. And wanted to keep fighting. I kept giving him options. He kept choosing destruction.

      I’m leaving.

  2. So true, and it’s important that we give ourselves permission to grieve.

  3. michael Goldwater says:

    Nearly 30 years ago my former spouse left me and took our 26 month old child with her. It hurt. Along the way of grieving, I met a wonderful, caring person. To make a long story short, we celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary April 1st of this year. You never know what is around the corner of hurt. I thought I was happy years ago. That experience pales to what I hold in my heart now. I am a verrrrry lucky and blessed man. Truly thank G-d for miracles!

  4. Missy says:

    Thanks for sharing! Very interesting post!

    I was reading a recent article and it mentioned…….Grieve over what was lost. You may miss the companion that you still love. Even if your relationship was miserable, you may grieve because you do not have the joy that you had hoped for in marriage. A passage in the Bible at Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 encourages us do not be ashamed to set aside “time to weep.”​

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