Are You In Love With the Person or With Their Potential?

12 Responses

  1. kfairley2013 says:

    Thank you for this and your blog! I really needed this and your inspiration today! Although it was something I already knew, you made me comfortable with a decision I had to make today! Thank you!

  2. paescapee says:

    Hi, very useful, thank you. I read carefully through your questions- ouch! It just seemed obvious to me that the way forward was to take responsibility for our home and family; whereas it was ‘obvious’ to him that the important thing was planning his next fishing trip! He listened sincerely to my complaints of a lack of support and just carried on fishing!

  3. LesleyPearl says:

    Thank you for this … I was dating someone for about 10 weeks. The first 5 weeks were pretty magical, the second 5 weeks were a struggle. He was different … some things had changed in his life. It seemed a bit early to have a relationship “talk.” So I observed. He ended things … and I wasn’t quite ready. I’ve been having a heck of a time letting go. Because of who and how he was in those first five weeks … because I was hopeful about this relationship. Letting go of hope, letting go of potential, is hard. Your message seems more than well timed.

  4. Neil Christopher says:

    OK, just when I thought you couldn’t capture the crux of my pain in the past two years you go and write another article that has floored me to you 360 knowledge of what happens in our everyday marriages. Your words provide clarity and validation for those of us trying to navigate the most difficult time in our lives. Once again Lisa, you’re the best!

  5. Rebekah says:

    I’m so glad to see someone talking about this! It’s a really big blow to realize that the person who you are in love with…doesn’t really exist now. This lovely part of our idealism kicks in, especially when we’re close to someone. But loving their potential brings you nothing in return, and it’s important to be realistic about who they are and if they have any intention of fulfilling the potential that you see.

  6. devastated1717 says:

    The one question you did not ask and is the roadblock for me is: What if what he/she did was so egregious and contrary to you morals and values that you feel you would be betraying yourself if you chose to reconcile?

  1. August 12, 2019

    […] easy to fall for someone’s potential. You see what they can be and think that if you give it enough time, that is what they will be. […]

  2. October 2, 2019

    […] easy to get these two things confused and feel frustrated when our efforts are not appreciated because we’re working towards the wrong goal. Even if you disagree with their approach, your […]

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