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9 Reasons to Jump Back Into Dating After Divorce (And 9 Reasons to Take it Slow)

“Are you dating yet? I might know someone…” asks your coworker as you share the elevator on Monday morning.

“You’re dating already! Are you sure you’re ready?” questions your friend after hearing your breathless tale of the other night.

“You know,” announces your mom on your weekly phone call, “It’s not too late for you to find someone new. You’ve got to get back out there.”

“You don’t want to rush into anything,” cautions your therapist when you mention that you signed up for a dating site.

The messages we get about when to start dating again after divorce are confusing and often conflicting. And that friction doesn’t only come from outside voices, it also comes from within as we question ourselves and our motivations.

The decision about when to start dating again is a personal one. You can listen to your coworkers, your friends, your family and your professional support system, but ultimately the choice is yours to make.

Here’s what you need to consider before making that choice.



  1. “The end of a marriage does not mean the end of love.”
    While I know this to be true it is so hard to see it, to feel it. I am struggling so much with the choice of whether or not to leave my husband, or what that will mean for my family and myself. I am glad to know that you got out and found love again. It slightly helps relieve the burden I feel.

  2. After my divorce was final, I thought I was ready to date. I had no idea how vulnerable I still was. But the problem wasn’t when, but who I dated. The first guy who asked me out turned into the rebound from hell which lasted a whole year which was a year too long. This experience taught me to focus on friendship for a while and to have firm boundaries in the form of a clear, written list of what I was looking for when considering more than friendship. When the time was right, when I had done enough work on myself, the best possible person for me came into my life.

    • You’re absolutely right, JoAnna. You don’t realize it at the time how vulnerable you are and, depending on the extent of trauma experienced with the end of the marriage, you need time to heal and work on yourself. I jumped in too soon and now look back on lessons learned. 🙂

  3. Divorce 15 years now and I doubt I’ll ever date again, being a guy I have to work at getting a date and that’s just way way to much money and time that I don’t have. I guess it makes it easier for men to not date as women get asked out. All a man has to do is not try.

    Like most of my friends I’ve decided the risk/reward is much to high (and frankly out of my price range) It took years to dig myself out from the financial ruin my divorce left me with, another women in my life and I’ll wind up living under a bridge.

    • I hear you on the financial! I find that I’m even more averse to financial risk now than the risk of a broken heart. And there’s nothing wrong with choosing to rock life single!

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