What I Really, Really, Really Wish I Could Tell My Ex Husband
“I was right.”
Now, I’m well aware that those words sound sanctimonious and snotty. But I also think I’ve earned a little sanctimonious and snotty after dealing with abandonment and betrayal.
Besides, they’re true. I was right all those years ago.
And I really, really, really wish I could tell him that using a napkin to blot oil off your pizza actually does make a difference.
Told ya so.
It’s funny – I was asked last summer to write a follow up letter to this one to my ex husband.
And I couldn’t do it. It was like being word-blocked by the Raven’s defense when they’ve got it going on. I realized that I really have nothing left to say to him. At least nothing of much substance.
But while I have his ear, there are a few other tidbits I would like to pass along.
-We have a contractor coming out today to measure the kitchen for an updating. It brings back memories (good) of us doing house projects together and memories (awful) of the endless dust of the popcorn ceiling removal. You were a trooper with that orbital sander. I also awed the salesman with my knowledge of the difference between MDF and particleboard. I have you to thank for that.
-I’m going to hear Korn in a couple weeks perform their first album. Remember when we first saw them open for Ozzy? That was a great performance.
-You’re missing the best of me. Of course, I’m the me I am now because of what to did to me. So, thank you.
-But please, don’t be an asshole. You’ve already used up your lifetime allotment of jerkiness.
-And if you’re still in touch with your mom, please give her a hug for me. I miss her.
Oh, and if you’re still struggling with your weight, maybe try blotting that pizza 🙂
And if you have a letter to write to your ex, check out this awesome opportunity to contribute to the colective wisdom around divorce and starting over!