There’s More Than One Way to Wear a Wedding Ring

3 Responses

  1. Nephila says:

    Hmm. Safety is apparently about money in the book? I wanted a marriage of emotional safety, the one person I could rely on to always be in my corner (being an only child betrayed and deserted by one parent and the other one torn between struggling to keep things going, me, my illness and supporting her parents). To me loyalty was the key. To him rescuing was the key, or what made him feel bonded.

    So he rescued me and then I couldn’t be rescued anymore. He ended up trying to rescue a sociopath in an affair. Despite having my loyalty needs shattered I still saved him.

    And now? For me it’s still loyalty. For him it is rescue still (now that’s more like redemption).

    Lots of companionship too. But I think the key dynamic is rescue/redemption vs loyalty. And it hasn’t changed at that level.

    • Isn’t it interesting how much our childhoods impact our marriages? I get your need for loyalty.

      I, too, saw safety as emotional safety. In some ways, I still do. But I look at differently. Now I see emotional safety as a relationship where I feel safe in the moment but, after how my first marriage ended, I have to accept that the moment may end.

      • Nephila says:

        I am a long way from accepting that, which i suppose will come. But if if does it basically breaks my fundamental value-system. To me loyalty is way more important than love. I would have done well in Bismarck’s time I suspect.

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