It is so hard to let go of the “what ifs” the “I should haves” and the “he/she is a $#%@#.” We know that progress is forward yet the rearview mirror often keeps our eyes off the road in front.
If you’re having trouble releasing the hook of the past, read this. I liked it and I think you will too.
I think progress is much broader than that, or else I disagree with her definitions. I will not ever let someone off the hook because it would be condoning a wrongdoing, and a bad one at that. It doesn’t mean I am chasing them for remorse or trying to change them or prove myself worthy. It’s not that complicated. It’s just, meh they can’t undo the harm so they wear that. And I’ll say so if prompted. That’s not keeping my eyes on the rear view it’s just stating fact.
In the case of a reconciling spouse I will welcome remorse and reparation, so the bitter and crusading tag does not fit either.
I wish I could have exposed the mistress more and earlier. Because she should have felt more consequences than she has. But the price for me was too high at the time and I chose to protect me ahead of exposing her. That’s a healthy choice but it doesn’t change the facts on the ground about her. I truly believe that the truth will out and justice will come, whether I get to see it or not. So I’m pretty comfortable with my choices and not letting them off the hook. It’s not the same as harming myself. It’s actually being true to myself. If I let them off the hook I would be lying, which I won’t do.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Best advice I ever got after my advice was from an elderly man who hardly knew me. “Don’t look back,” he said. Powerful moment.
I love advice from the elderly. Wisdom usually delivered bluntly:)
That was good. Thanks for sharing.